What would be your 'deal breaker'??

[GipsyQueen]

Marriage, and not wanting to have kids would be a deal breaker for me. I've wanted to get married and have children ever since I was young. My biological clock has been ticking since I was like 15. It would break my heart if the person I loved does not want to have kids.
The marriage thing doesn't have anything to do with religion for me (Im not religious in anyway). I just feel that, if someone loves someone so much, that they want to spend the rest of their lives with them, and they care enough for them, that they should get married. Its more than just a piece of paper to me.
I'm weird though, I would have gotten married at 18 if I had had the perfect guy.

 

[96 GTS]

Not "in the market," or planning to be ever again, but religion is a huge deal breaker for me. I'm not religious and don't think I could ever date someone that was. Not that I have a problem with religion, but I wouldn't want the friction in a relationship of feeling compelled to go to church, etc.

Other than that, someone wanting kids would be a deal breaker for me as well.

I certainly don't mind the idea of getting married, and plan to at some point. However, I personally don't feel the need to broadcast or "prove" my commitment to other people. I feel if two people are committed to each other, they're committed, ring or not. There are plenty of committed couples with no ring, and there are certainly plenty of non-committed couples that are actually married. Now, the monetary and tax benefits of bein married are definitely real. So that's definitely a consideration for me.

 

[CharlieDog]

I can't really explain why marriage is a deal breaker for me. I knew soon after we started dating that I wanted to marry him, as cheesy as that sounds. He had some serious doubts about getting married, and we talked through them. Being married doesn't feel any different, per say, but it has more... weight? to it, than just being in a committed relationship. We're not any sort of religious, but the simple fact of having that paper, changing my name, wearing rings, it is just more... something. Serious? maybe? I dunno, but I was definitely adamant about it.

It feels somewhat foolish now, to say that I gave him a deadline, but I did. I told him before our first anniversary that I wanted to be married by our fifth.

Well he was a sneaky little jerk and proposed ON our fifth anniversary, so we didn't actually get married until 5 1/2 years together, but I felt like, if you can spend five years with me, living together for four, on our own together for two of those years, you can d*mn well marry me.

I don't really think I was actually prepared to leave him, had he not proposed, and he knew it. I probably couldn't have done it, and I think he decided that if I could be big enough to give up on the marriage idea, then he could be big enough to actually get married. So there's that.

The legal issues are a big thing to me. Now, instead of his mother, who's a completely psycho b*tch getting notified should something happen first, I will. I have more power over medical decisions should something happen, I've always been his beneficiary at work, but now that can't be contested. I can be on his insurance, since he's actually got a job that gives you insurance and I don't. It's a safety net.


ANYWAY. Children would be a deal breaker for me. We're both undecided for the most part, but leaning heavily towards "oh hell no!" for both of us.

Dogs, and not being able to have dogs in the house, have dogs I want as long as we can provide for them, etc.

 

[RD]

Animals are a deal-breaker for me. I can't be with someone who doesn't at least respect them.

Sense of humor is another deal-breaker for me. I know that sounds weird, but if I can't laugh with someone and be a jackass around them, I seriously can't be with them. If they find my humor disgusting they'll probably find me (in general) disgusting. I know there are some people whose sense of humor just changes when you morph from casual relationship into serious relationship, and if I was wish someone who lost their funny bone well into a relationship, it WOULD be a deal breaker.

Edit: Religion can be a deal-breaker, too. I'm not extremely religious, but I couldn't be with someone who insisted that I follow or abandon a certain set of beliefs.

 

[Kat09Tails]

My deal breakers are religion (he can believe whatever he wants, I just don't have to be a party to it), disrespect of me physically, mentally or publicly, having no real personal goals, and the inability to make a commitment. He doesn't have to love animals but he would have to be willing to accept that loving me means animals are going to be around so I probably wouldn't put up with constant complaining about animal stuff.

I have let two very nice guys go from my life because of these deal breakers. One really sweet guy who needed me to join his church before we got to talking about spending our lives together and another who was content to live his entire life in front of a TV or plugged to an X box and was uninterested in learning how to actually do anything.

 

[oakash]

A lazy person. I couldn't stand it. He wouldn't have to be like, super athletic or anything. He could just have ONE thing that he liked to do, but if he would refuse to move.

Someone who wouldn't want to marry. Or have kids. I want both of those things, and I'm not willing to change my mind. If I can't actually have children, I would like to adopt, actually I'd like to do that anyways

 

[Sweet72947]

Kids. I don't want children and if you do, it's not gonna work between us.

Animals. Must love animals like me. I fully intend to stay in rescue for all my life and that must accepted, and I want to foster dogs someday, although I don't intend to have like 10 dogs at a time or anything. It will be a reasonable amount.

And, umm...what else...hmm. Having a penis.

 

[JennSLK]

Katie. I want a guy who will treat her as his own. Non negotiable.

Marriage? I'm not sure. Its something I want but I dont know if the other person as against it.

He does not have to be a dog lover like me. BUT he d@mn well better love me enough to realize that I am and they are important to me. He needs to support me in that.

 

[mrose_s]

Not being proposed to definitely isn't a deal breaker for me. I have very specific views of what a marriage should be and its not something I want for myself. I'd probably say no to marriage unless it was a deal breaker for the other person.

I suppose my only deal breaker would be that they have to except how I am with my dogs and not want to change it.

 

[KayleeBby]

argh! complicated!

I'm just going to say, I am engaged, but don't want to actually get married

 

[sparks19]

I don'[t know actually.

I was never really one to care much about marriage or not until I actually met the right person that I could see that future with.

I also was not sure if I wanted kids or not so that was never an issue in relationships.

Now that I am married I'd like to think divorce is not an option. if things were to ever get "bad" then I'd fight tooth and nail to fix it and I believe I've chosen a partner that is willing to do the same. now of course there are extremes but I'm not going to play the what if game

 

[Fran101]

YUP! my deal breakers...

- Someone who didn't want to get married, ever.
If they really "didn't care"/ didn't see the point in it..well then, why not just do it because it's obviously important to me
and If any other reason than obviously they just have an issue with being with me, so they can suck a fat one.

I think if you really love someone, you want to be with them. period. and to me, marriage is part of that. Even if you don't want the big white wedding..why not just do it for the other reason, the main reason...that marriage is about saying "I want to be with you forever" and of course for the other more logical reasons/rights that come with being married to someone (hospital stuffs, health insurance, etc..etc..)

- My dogs. someone who hated dogs or refusing to allow them inside, that'd be a deal breaker

- Somebody too religious. lol been there, done that..couldn't do it. I'm all for respecting beliefs but don't push them on me and I just couldn't deal with someone who was very very religious. I mean, I'm OK with having beliefs but not like... reading the bible every night and having a giant statue of jesus in our kitchen.

 

[Sweet72947]

I forgot my absolute deal breaker. Smoking! I can't stand cigarette smoke. Come to think of it, none of my friends smoke. I guess its that whole birds of a feather flock together thing. But yeah, smoking would be a deal breaker for me because it so absolutely grosses me out and turns me off.

 

[sillysally]

Hmmmm....not wanting to ever get married would definitely be a deal breaker. Religion would too. I would not want an extreme Bible thumper but also would not want an avowed atheist either. I really don't consider myself "very religious" but will not convert to a non-Christian faith and would not raise my kid with a non-Christian background so if the guy or his family wanted either thing or if I felt that his family had enough influence that he would eventually be pressured into demanding either thing that would be a no-go.

Substance abuse would be another thing. My dad is an alcoholic and that is not a road I would be willing to go down with a SO--ever.

As far as the animals go, he would not have to be animal crazy but he would have to understand that my critters are part of the family, they will not be left outside (with the exception of the horse--lol), etc. He would also have to understand that horses will always be part of my life one way or another--even if I don't own one I will be taking lessons, etc.

Oh, one more thing--lol--a sworn bigot. I will not share my life with and have my kids raised by someone who hates another group of people simply for existing.

 

[RedHotDobe]

Lying. I stop caring as soon as I'm lied to. If you don't care enough to tell me the truth, why should I care about you? And I hate the "Well I just care so much about you that I didn't want to hurt your feelings!" excuse. Spare me. I'm an adult, I don't need things sugar-coated.

Jealousy and a need to control my life. Feeling the need to keep tabs on my interaction and communication with everyone, especially male friends. Not being able to tolerate me complimenting anyone other than you. Not being able to handle people complimenting me. Wanting to know what I'm doing and who I'm with every second of the day, and when it takes me more than two minutes to respond to a text or being unable to answer the phone, demanding an explanation as to why.

Smoking. I hate it, plain and simple. It makes me nauseous, gives me headaches, and the person tastes gross.

Religion. Being forced to participate in religious activities makes me uncomfortable. I respect following a religion and I respect religious ceremonies that will no doubt accompany that, but I hate unwillingly participating in any little daily habits that stem from your religious beliefs. Things like praying before meals. Can't stand it.

Not being able to manage your own life. I can barely keep my life in order, so I certainly don't need to be making decisions for you to keeps yours in order as well. I don't mind giving advice, but do not ask me to make all major decisions for you. I like to be included, but ultimately it is your decision to make, not mine.

(Yes, I've obviously experienced everything listed above and now hold a strong hatred for them all. )

Marriage isn't something I desperately want and won't feel complete without, but I don't know that I'd deal with someone who was adamantly against it. To be honest, now that I'm at the point where marriage is a possibility, I'm freaking out and wondering if I can deal with that sort of commitment, lol.

 

[Renee750il]

Ugh. Yes. Smoking. I've lived with a smoker.

*gags*

Besides, it's bad for the dogs to be around

Bigots tend to avoid me anyway so that one's pretty much moot.

 

[~Tucker&Me~]

I really can't see staying in a relationship where he wasn't willing to get married even if it was a situation where he didn't 'believe' in marriage, or didn't need a 'piece of paper' to show his commitment.

My view is, that marriage is more than a piece of paper. That paper means something legally. If we were in a lifetime, committed relationship and planning to make a family together I would want it arranged so that we were each others' beneficiaries, also we would need the legal power to make medical decisions for one another in a situation where that was needed. Basically, we would need to be each others' next-of-ken. So, why would we go have all that paper-work done and not just get a marriage certificate? Isn't it the same thing? It seems irresponsible not to ensure that we have those rights for each other and silly to go out of our way to arrange that and instead of just signing a marriage certificate. IMO, getting married is actually PRACTICAL, not pointless.

Also, getting divorced sucks and it's hard so if he's willing to marry me it conveys some level of commitment. It indicates that, to some degree at least, he isn't planning on leaving me and going through all that.

And if, after I state all my reasons above he still isn't will to marry me just b/c he 'doesn't wanna' I would be done with him. I don't see a legitimate argument for refusing to marry someone if you really are planning to stay with them forever and it's important to them. It just makes sense to me. I don't think it's a trivial issue. If it really were just a 'piece of paper' I could understand but it's not, plain and simple.

I agree with this. And I also think Fran made a very valid point too. If you forget about the big white wedding and the guest list and the cake and all that jazz... A marriage is saying "I want to spend forever with you" publicly. If he never wanted to do that, I would wonder if it's because he wasn't sure he was able to or wanted to make that commitment.

And ultimately, I want to find someone who feels strongly about a 'forever'. I don't want to have to date for the rest of my life, I want some security at some point :lol-sign:

 

[Paige]

I can see why marriage means so much to so many people. I am one of those who doesnt care one way or another. If the man I love proposed to me and wanted to be married I would get married because it meant a lot to him. But I dont need it.

That being said I dont think someone should have to suck it up b ecause it means something to their partner. If I felt like I was sucking it up I would never agree to it.

 

[Dani]

Deal breakers off the top of my head:

No sense of humour. I like to laugh, and I want to make you laugh.

Rudeness. Verbal bitch-slapping isn't cool.

Constant negativity. I'm not the world's most chipper person sometimes, but I don't understand going out of your way to be unhappy.

As far as marriage...I think I want that someday, but it's not essential as long as we're on the same level of commitment.

 

[GlassOnion]

Smoking. Enough said.

Religion. I don't mind if someone is lightly religious (though still don't see the point) but if they're super heavy into it and actually take the bible (or whatever holy book they choose) at face value, that's a deal breaker. Especially if they tried to convert me, that'd just flat out be a "there's the door" scenario.