Unconditional Love

[Island dog]

I just watched this documentary. I mustn't be human - I could not live like that.

Life with murder - A family love story like no other

 

[Xandra]

Uh no you are definitely still human.

Unconditional love is not all it's cracked up to be. I mean, good for them if that's what helps them heal or whatever, but it is totally OK to disown or "break with" someone for moral reasons. Actually, for many reasons, but murder is one of them.

Whenever I think "unconditional love" I think of beaten dogs who "love" their owners, or children who love their whack job parents, and so it is somewhat perverse in my mind for the term to ever be praised like it's a virtue. In my mind it isn't. Conditional love is healthy IMO. Not petty or superficial conditions, but conditions all the same.

Like I said, if it helps the parents to heal, and they feel this is good for them, then great, they deserve closure or happiness or whatever they get from this. I suppose they want to love the "good" part of their son. But, if they had totally disowned him... well that is a totally normal, acceptable human response.

 

[Island dog]

Thank you.

It was heartbreaking to watch the Father believe for 9 or 10 years, believe it was an accident, then to find out the son reloaded the gun 4 additional times and shot his sister. But to then learn the son had planned to kill both his parent and sister was too much for me. To continue visiting him for the sake of keeping some sort of family unit intact, knowing the son was going to kill both of them - I don't know how you can look at someone who wanted you dead so he could inherit what was left. I cannot fathom the pain this Mother and Father must be in every minute of their lives. None of them discuss this aspect of the case.

For Canadians, Carla Homolka took part in killing her sister (she and Paul Bernardo captured, tortured and killed teenage girls) and her parents have stood by her. A parents nightmare - you basically lose both children. I didn't think it could be worse, but this documentary was heartbreaking.

 

[Samantha's pet]

I know what you mean. We just found out that someone close-ish to my husbands family has been molesting his daughter for 5 years (she is now 13) and his (the pedophile's) fathers wife has been talking to us a lot about it. She keeps saying how he just made a mistake and it's awful but no matter what, of course, his father is still going to love him b/c you love your kids inspite of anything they do, blah, blah, blah. My husband agrees with her. Well, at least if our daughter grows up to be a cold-blooded murderer her daddy will still love her. I sure as hell won't. I don't care who you are in relation to me, some things are completely unforgivable. I don't know how I would feel is she were a pedophile, I am not saying his dad should stop loving him, or that I would, but this woman (and Danny) talk about it like "whoops, he just screwed up. lets forgive him and support him". Well, yeah, he really effed up, everyone does at some point but there are different degrees of mistakes and not all of them come with instant forgiveness and support. Sometimes there are really horrible, really hard consequences. I have messed up in my life before but that doesn't mean I should instantly forgive him. My mistakes never severely damaged another person. I don't believe all screw-ups are created equal!

 

[Samantha's pet]

Thank you.

It was heartbreaking to watch the Father believe for 9 or 10 years, believe it was an accident, then to find out the son reloaded the gun 4 additional times and shot his sister. But to then learn the son had planned to kill both his parent and sister was too much for me. To continue visiting him for the sake of keeping some sort of family unit intact, knowing the son was going to kill both of them - I don't know how you can look at someone who wanted you dead so he could inherit what was left. I cannot fathom the pain this Mother and Father must be in every minute of their lives. None of them discuss this aspect of the case.

For Canadians, Carla Homolka took part in killing her sister (she and Paul Bernardo captured, tortured and killed teenage girls) and her parents have stood by her. A parents nightmare - you basically lose both children. I didn't think it could be worse, but this documentary was heartbreaking.

I just don't think I could be that kind of parent. It does not mean I don't love my child deeply. I don't know if I believe it's really love these parent's are feeling. How could it be? I think it's some other attachment or guilt or something that is stopping them from letting go. Sometimes people do things for which they deserve to be disowned. Sometimes, they don't deserve love. I, for one, do not believe in completely unconditional love. Maybe that's just b/c I am not capable of it. There are things that just about anyone could do to make me stop loving them.

 

[mom2dogs]

Haven't had a chance to click that link, but figured I would do a quick post just based on the previous posts. . .

I would love the person they were (or who I thought they were), and mourn the loss, if I ever realized a family member (or close friend) turned out to be a pedophile/murderer/rapist/etc. . . but I would not want them apart of my life and there are sometimes actions a person takes that will make me never, ever be able to trust them again and despise the person they have become. . . and I can't love someone I don't trust. I have been called "heartless" because I can let go easy, even if it hurts.

I'm quite capable of loving someone, but unconditionally loving someone regardless? No. Last time I checked, I was still human, lol.

 

[milos_mommy]

If my child killed someone, I would....I do not want to say "forgive" them, but I would accept it, I would still love them, I would visit them in prison, I would not judge them.

However, if one of my children killed another of my children, I have absolutely no idea what I would do. I would like to say that I would still love them and treat them as part of the family, but in reality I think it might hurt to much. I think I would probably have a mental breakdown and need to be hospitalized, actually. I'm not sure I could get past something like that.

I just can't look at anyone, even someone who has killed, or raped, or anything, and say they are a terrible person. I strongly believe some, perhaps many, people who do things like that are mentally ill and can not stop themselves...I don't think it means they shouldn't be imprisoned or they can ever be trusted, but I don't think it's right to look at anybody, not matter what horrible things they may have done, and decide that they are just awful or inhuman.

 

[Island dog]

The Mother and Father would be dead if the son's plan had been successful. The son wanted whatever money they had and they certainly weren't rich. He's not insane - he is a terrible and dangerous selfish being. After he was in jail, he didn't want his parents to know he had planned on killing them because they were all HE had - his only support - back to what he needed. There is no concern for anyone else in the world.