On the topic of bratty kids...

[Storee's Mom]

I'm on a local forum for moms, it's been pretty good until the last while. There's a kid who is a bully, and his mother has never been one to watch him that close. So at playdates, it's a bit of a nightmare having to keep an eye on him (he hits, pushes, bites, tackles, scratches...) as his mother doesn't seem to get it (she's been told to not let him off the main level of a few houses, so he's at least where all the adults are, but she'll forget because she's too busy chatting).

Anyhow he's gotten worse to the point that a lot of us don't go, or try to go around her (if she posts she can't make something then we're all going). Which sucks of course. And at the last one he got into lipstick and decorated the walls, carpets and jackets of people with it :yikes: so his mother proceeded to yell profane words at him in front of everyone else's kids (not everyone chooses to cuss at their child as a parenting style).

So someone posted the question of how to deal with that situation, do you do private invites instead of public (right now it's public so newbies can come and nobody is left out) or do you ask her not to come (she comes to almost everything), or???

It's just interesting because everyone seems to know who it's about, not sure how she'll take the whole thing, but then again her kid has bitten, pushed, hit, clubbed, tackled other kids, broken things and now the lipstick issue - never doing anything about her kid or offering to clean up the mess (apart from suggesting a cleaner that gets lipstick off of carpet, leather and walls...).

Sometimes dogs are so much easier!

Lana

 

[sparks19]

that's a tough situation... you want to invite new people so don't want to make it private. I think everyone just needs to tell her that his destructive behaviour is no longer welcome in your homes. If she wants to host a gathering you will be there but if her child starts destroying your coats you will leave and will not return and the same goes for gatherings at other peoples houses.

I know you don't really want to hurt her feelings... but this can't go by the wayside. He is destroying peoples homes and she just doesn't seem to get it.

tough love time. Tell her she can no longer bring him into your homes as it is costing you time and money to fix the things he destroys. She would expect your kids to rspect her home... it is only right that she expect her child to respect your homes as well.

 

[noludoru]

What sparks said..... I have no words for that.

I hope his mom paid for the damage/cleaning/replacement of things from the lipstick incident.

 

[PoodleMommy]

Honestly... If it is at someones home there is no need for her to be invited.

Someone (with courage!, lol) needs to PM her and tell her that her childs destructive behavior is no longer welcome at your homes.

 

[Storee's Mom]

Well I think the point is on that forum now as far as it goes. It's a small group that usually goes to playdates, so I'm sure she can figure it out. If not, she'll be getting told I'm sure. I haven't hosted for a while and would be leery to do so anyway - he's not allowed here according to DH. Part of the problem is his behavior, the other part is the mom is either not aware of what he's doing (we'll all be sitting and chatting, and someone will get up to go get him out of something, and she won't even notice it's her kid they're getting), or overreacts with swearing etc. at him....

And, she has a dog. Poor thing. We boarded the dog last summer where I worked, and it has crating issues, and chewed through the door of her kennel. She did quit after bitter apple was introduced though, and was fine for the last few days, but to this day the lady won't get her dog groomed because the dog doesn't like cages, and she doesn't want to crate train it. The dog has since destroyed parts of their house, a few friend's houses after she figured that would be easier than boarding - last I heard the dog was going to go to the spca if it destroyed anything else, but oh no, let's not do any crate training, let's just hope it doesn't get hurt eating doors, mirrors, wires and walls..... Oh and the dog doesn't like getting her nails done so they're long too, can't do nails, poor dog....

Yikes....

Lana

 

[Renee750il]

Sounds to me like this is a woman who just straight up needs to be told.

 

[2BlackDogs]

Sounds like this woman needs some help with parenting. Both for the child and the dog. Someone just needs to tell her. I would not go over someones house and take a child or dog who have not been taught right from wrong. And if for whatever reason my child got into something or broke something, I would offer to clean, pay, whatever I had to do since it was my fault. I watch my child very carefully to make sure she doesn't get into things she is not supposed to. This woman sounds like she just does not care one bit.

 

[anna84]

Someone needs to tell her. But if she's yelling profanity at her child flat out doesn't care then I would invite that kid over without the mom. He obviously needs some direction and it's often easier to work with kids when their away from the parents.

 

[sparks19]

Someone needs to tell her. But if she's yelling profanity at her child flat out doesn't care then I would invite that kid over without the mom. He obviously needs some direction and it's often easier to work with kids when their away from the parents.

While that is true... that is a slipperly slope for a group of moms that get together every once in a while....

On one hand I doubt she would like that very much. Send her kid to a group that no longer wants her around (understandably)

And

for the group of moms. They are just a playgroup. To bring a child into a playgroup and try to pick up where his mom failed? That could be bad for everyone involved. that could potentially teach the kid to disrespect his mom even more... or cause these ladies a HECK of a lot of trouble when he doesn't want to abide by their rules because his mom doesn't make him.

 

[anna84]

If he's biting, punching, destroying property at a young age then someone needs to step in. I agree though that a group that meets up every once in awhile isn't the best option. Hopefully a neighbor or teacher will get involved. My mom pretty much helped raise a teenage kid, he was a friend of my brothers and many people would have been justifiably scared of him. But he respected her and we helped him get some basics down. Never hit women, finish high school, don't steal etc basic things he needed to learn with the family he had. No he didn't respect his parents but imo they weren't anything that should have been respected.

 

[Storee's Mom]

That's the scary thing, he's just two right now. I know she's mentioned preschool, which would be interesting to say the least. I know quite a few people have stopped letting her babysit their kids, and don't offer when she requests it.

As for stepping in.... well it's hard, we've been doing that, but it ends up that nobody but his mother is enjoying the playdate, because we're all blocking, redirecting or moving him away from situations. When she does see him doing something it's yelling at him to stop, not getting after him, which he knows won't happen.

I mentioned it to DH, he's all 'excited' to come and read the latest gossip. opcorn:

Me thinks he needs a hobby...

Lana

 

[Zoom]

Lol...knowing me I would probably start saying something about when I get a new dog, I tether it to me so it can't get into trouble and I know what it's doing at all times. *insert blatent pointed look at her child*

I bet that if there is a sort of "leader" in your group (there's always one that stands out a bit) and have them pull the mom aside and say something like "look, Susie, I know you enjoy our get togethers and so do we, so I would hate to see you stop getting invited. But frankly, Bobby's behavior is starting make our husbands less open to hosting, because they have to clean up after him." That might at least open her eyes...she might get pissed and quit showing up, which I guess is a win-win.