Need your advice

[JennSLK]

So my mom wants to go to the farm this weekend. Not a big deal but she doesn't know what to do about David (BF). We haven't been dating that long and she hasn't met him yet, simply due to bad schedules. The issue is sue doesn't want a stranger in the house. Ok understandable but I live here too. I pay rent and this is my home as well. Telling me I can't have someone over unless they are here is alot extreme. I'm 28 I moved back here when Katie was born and am still here for various reasons (school, work schedule ect..).

She wants to know what my solution is. My idea is she needs to suck it up. Lock your bedroom door if you are that paranoid. It's not like he will be here alone. Katie and I will be here too. You can't tell me I'm not allowed to have someone over. I'm 28 and this is my home it doesn't work that way.

I'm not going to lie to her and say he won't come over.

Ideas? Advice?

 

[yv0nne]

Just tell her he's coming over. Full stop. It's not open for discussion.

 

[Fran101]

Just tell her he's coming over. Full stop. It's not open for discussion.

This.

Lying is only going to make her feel there is a reason for lying and put her back in the parent/this is my house so she has to lie because she's a child state of mind.

You pay rent, it's your home as well.. IMO not wanting you to have a boyfriend there is a little ridiculous. I understand not wanting him there ALONE,but honestly, it is your home as well, you're an adult, I would tell her that he is coming over.

 

[frostfell]

I agree. Be honest, because deception and lying is never the answer, but be firm. you are a grown adult and you pay rent. you have every right to have a guest

 

[JennSLK]

Thanks guys. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who thinks its not right

 

[jess2416]

Honestly, I wouldn't want someone in my house I didn't know, so I can get where she's coming from. On the other hand, you are a grown woman who can make your own judgement about people. Definitely be honest about bringing him there, and tell her exactly how you feel.

Good luck

 

[ACooper]

*unpopular opinion alert*

It is harder than "she has to suck it up".....I do understand both sides though.

When I go away (out of town) I want to lock up my house and that's that. That's MY house, MY things, and I'm ultimately responsible for what's going on. I honestly don't even like leaving my kids here....even the 21 year old in college who still lives at home! Will they lock up? Will they bring untrustworthy people over? Will they turn off appliances? etc etc etc.....very nerve racking.

And I see the point that you pay rent....but it's not like a seperate domicile you are leasing where all the belongings are yours to gamble with. THAT makes a big difference.

I moved back home for a whole year when my oldest son was 4 years old. I paid rent, but I also had to abide their wishes/rules........that's how it goes. I'm sure there are lots of reasons you are still living there, but as an adult you have the choice to move out if you don't care for the house rules/wishes.

As a mom with grown children (and as a grown child who's been there).....YES of course be honest, but I wouldn't just be "He's coming over, the end" I don't know your mom, but that would be the best way for my kids to dig a hole for themselves! LOL

I would approach with a more "I know you have reservations, but I would really like him to come over" Also, MAKE TIME to introduce them. I personally don't want ANYONE in my home I haven't laid eyes on/met.

 

[Gypsydals]

*unpopular opinion alert*

It is harder than "she has to suck it up".....I do understand both sides though.

When I go away (out of town) I want to lock up my house and that's that. That's MY house, MY things, and I'm ultimately responsible for what's going on. I honestly don't even like leaving my kids here....even the 21 year old in college who still lives at home! Will they lock up? Will they bring untrustworthy people over? Will they turn off appliances? etc etc etc.....very nerve racking.

And I see the point that you pay rent....but it's not like a seperate domicile you are leasing where all the belongings are yours to gamble with. THAT makes a big difference.

I moved back home for a whole year when my oldest son was 4 years old. I paid rent, but I also had to abide their wishes/rules........that's how it goes. I'm sure there are lots of reasons you are still living there, but as an adult you have the choice to move out if you don't care for the house rules/wishes.

As a mom with grown children (and as a grown child who's been there).....YES of course be honest, but I wouldn't just be "He's coming over, the end" I don't know your mom, but that would be the best way for my kids to dig a hole for themselves! LOL

I would approach with a more "I know you have reservations, but I would really like him to come over" Also, MAKE TIME to introduce them. I personally don't want ANYONE in my home I haven't laid eyes on/met.

^this 100 percent.