Denial (Long vent.)

[RD]

I originally thought I should post this in the "Health forum" but I realized it's more of a people problem, than a dog problem. I've been having trouble with my parents lately..

Buster, Mom's 13-year-old Labrador, is going downhill fast. He has small seizures, and while it started out with just one every month or so, now it's up to a few per week. Last night, he had a seizure (I don't know what triggered it, he had been sleeping.) and got up, ran onto the tile floor and his hind legs went out from under him. Instead of just lying down like he usually does, his legs splayed out so he was pretty much doing the splits on the slippery floor, and he couldn't get up.. When he did get up, he was yelping and although he is fine now, it scared us all to death.
We would try to stop the seizures with medication, but the medications are all harsh on his liver and kidneys, which are already failing.
His brain is being affected, too. He is terribly senile, he will pay attention to my mom, and pay attention to food, and that's it. He's deaf, so if you want him to lie down (And with Buster, it's always "GO LIE DOWN!" because we don't want him running around on the tile floors and hurting himself.) you have to get up and lead him over to a dog bed, and put him in a down position. (Because he pays no attention to hand signals anymore.)

His quality of life is not that great anymore, and I think the time is close, to say goodbye to Buster. I think it would be kindest just to let him go, so he wouldn't be held back by his dying body.

The trouble is, my mom.. she thinks he's okay, that he's not ready to die. I have mentioned it to her before, and she got angry, and said that I just wanted to get rid of him because I don't like him. In all honesty, Buster and I have never "clicked". He has always been exclusively mom's dog, and since I was 6-7 years old, I have always had my dogs. But, how she could say that I'm trying to GET RID of the first dog I ever knew, or even that I don't like him, really hurts me. I don't want him to die, but I know he has to sometime, and I don't want to see him suffer. Right now, he is still a relatively happy, if extremely senile, dog. He loves attention from mom still, and that tail of his is always going a mile a minute at dinnertime.

I really don't know what to do here.. I don't know if mom is right, maybe his quality of life -isn't- bad, because she knows him better than I do. Or, she's just in denial, and doesn't want to say goodbye yet..

I have no idea how to approach her about it, but it needs to be talked about.. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could bring this up, without starting a fight with my mother? Or, should I just leave it alone, and trust her judgement?

 

[Richie12345]

I would say she is in denial, and sometimes arguements are unavoidable... hmm... maybe someone will give you better advice. Anyways, if you are going to give the dog pills make sure he drinks lots of water... I would wait, I'm not sure if it's the perfect moment yet, it's best if your mom accepts the fact that he needs to be put down... Sorry I can't be helpful...

 

[Irish]

I think I would leave your mom alone for now. It doesn't sound like Buster is suffering and these decisions need to be come by slowly. Since he is your mom's dog, let her make the decision, it is so very hard to do. In the end, she has to have peace with what she decides. I'm sure she did not mean to say you didn't care. She is probably just very scared right now about Buster's limited future and she took it out on you. My advice would be to be loving to both mom and Buster, and let things work out on their own accord.

 

[bubbatd]

No, this HAS to be your Mom's decision . I would say that you could be helpful by finding the right medication that would help. Yes, it may be hard on his liver and kidneys but if it gives him some quality of life his final years,,, so be it. BTW....my poor female I.B.'s seizure were due to a brain tumor.... has this been ruled out ??? So hard for you all !!! Head's up and let us know !

 

[bubbatd]

Irish... you're post came in while I was writing ( and on the phone )...I agree.

 

[RD]

Bubbatd - a brain tumor has not yet been ruled out, nor has the possibility of him having a stroke. However, not much can be done about it, as his seizures are brought on whenever he is stressed, and x-raying to check for problems would be disastrous. They could heavily sedate him, but I worry that he might not come out of it because his heart and lungs are not in good shape, either. (Nothing about him is in excellent condition, his poor body is terribly old and worn)

I will definitely look into alternative meds that could help him.

 

[bubbatd]

I can't remember what my vet had I.B. on, but I got it at a natural meds.Rx. I know her's had a lot to do with stress....we were going through a horrible time and she knew I was emotionally spent. She was almost 11 yrs. young. It was horrible as she was having 2 to 4 a day and would just walk around in circles after them. I had to put her in a small gated area as she had no idea where she was and would pee and crap at night. This poor sweet girl who was used to sleeping with me and would never have an accident. I finally asked the vet to keep her and evaluate with the others in clinic. She ( the vet) kept holding on hoping something could be done. ( This went on 3 months) . I was willing to do anything, but knew nothing could be done.... we know our dogs. When I was helping IB into the car she snapped at me.....something she NEVER had done. I knew this was her last trip and after 2 days and evaluating all agreed...it was best to let my girl go to the Rainbow Bridge, She was Momma to my babies and my last female.

 

[RD]

Well, our answer came much sooner than I expected. Buster had another seizure today, and the vet thinks that it would be kindest to have him euthanized. I'm not sure when my mom is planning on taking him, but she wants me to go with her, and I really am scared to..
I have seen animals euthanized before, but it will be so much harder to watch when it is a dog I know, especially the dog I've grown up with - we've had him since I was two.
Things like this make me wonder "why bother?" with pets. I know, it's bitter and I really can't see myself living without the boys, but I hate seeing them like this.

My mom has been crying all afternoon, but I haven't shed one tear. It's not that I don't care, but I have been expecting this, and preparing myself for it. The way I look at it, Buster died months ago, but we're only now going to have to accept the fact that his body needs to leave us as well.. It's hard to imagine not having him around.

 

[Richie12345]

Things like this make me wonder "why bother?" with pets.

Yeah, I can see what you mean by that... but nothing lasts forever, and a dog gives you more than pain...

 

[bubbatd]

Maybe your Mom shouldn't go through that. I don't know how old she is or you, but help her through this. It's a choice to be with your dog. I did it for EliNHunter when she had to put Yogi down, because I loved him and love her. She couldn't do it , but didn't want him to be alone. Grammy stepped in. Then when her Catfish's time came, we went together. It's a bitter/sweet experience. Most of mine, I gave permission over the phone and couldn't go in to say goodbye. The ones I have been with, I've never regreted. Maybe age has something to do with the acceptance....at 72, when my time comes I would love to go that way....being held by my loved ones as I peacefully pass on.

 

[Richie12345]

Yeah, I can see what you mean by that... but nothing lasts forever, and a dog gives you more joy than pain...

[Editt]...

 

[mrose_s]

Rip,
I have always believed that there is no point in putting a dog down UNLESS IT IS IN PAIN.
If Buster is still enjoying life, let him have it, just because i was finding it difficult to get around, I wouln't want someone to kill me.
We had two old dogs, no bladder control, Jack was overweight, Tussy only had 3 legs. They did practically nothing all day, but they dies in their own time. They didnt have any seizures or anything, but I would definetley consult more than 1 vet to find out if he is in pain.

 

[bubbatd]

MRose. I disagree. It's the dog's quality of life too. I.B. was a wonderful golden...No she wasn't in pain, but would go into a corner and bite and scratch because she didn't know where she was. She took a book off of a table and chewed it , something she never would have done, she took lighter and bit into it, she got out of the yard and was in the middle of a busy street,,,,she could have been hit....if she could have talked, she would have said , I've had enough. Yes, I agree with you to a point. I've made footies for my oldsters who need need help on slippery floors, I've done slings to help dogs get up and outside to pot . These dogs still enjoyed life but just needed help. I.B. had no love of life....

 

[RD]

Mrose, unfortunately we don't have an endless supply of money, and we can't afford going to several vets for testing. I trust my vet's judgement, that he is not in any major pain (He has arthritis, but it hasn't been giving him a ton of trouble due to the hot dry weather.) and he's not showing any signs of pain.

For the past 4-5 hours he's actually been in excellent shape, chewing on bones, bouncing (well, to the extent that he can bounce.) around the room, even bringing socks to us, which he hasn't done in months.

According to mom we're just going to see how things go - I will continue to look for different meds, and we'll just keep a close eye on him.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[Barb04]

I'm so sorry to hear what's happening to Buster. You're mom will know in her heart when the time is right and it's best that she makes that decision. The first dog I had when I was little lived to 13 years old and had very bad arthritis and other problems. I was angry at my dad for putting her to sleep but I realized that it was the humane thing to do. We all hate to lose the ones we love and to have to make that decision is a very hard one to do. My thoughts are with you and your mom as well as Buster. Please keep us updated.

 

[Renee750il]

Ah, Grace. This is never easy. Grammy and all are right about this being your Mom's decision. It will be hard, but try to go with the flow on this. Buster will look in her eyes and tell her when the time is right.

In the meantime, since these seizures seem to be stress related, have you thought about trying the Bach's Flower Remedies? They can't do him any harm at all, and I've known people who found them very helpful for their dogs' (and their own) stresses. They might even help your Mom through this.

When the time does come, please go with your Mom, not just for her and for Buster, but for yourself as well. I've held mine as they slipped away that last time, and although it is painful beyond belief, you will be forever grateful that you gave them that one last act of love.

 

[becca_4321]

I feel for your mom. I had a cat that I loved so much. He was sickly a big part of his life. He would never live to be a old cat. I knew this, I'd tell my kids this. I was trying to make losing him not hurt so much when the time came. I found myself saying to my kids once (they were teenagers by then) that they never did like pepper. He was having a spell, I was worried sick over him and I guess I lashed out at them.
When his last spell hit him and the medications werent helping him this time I knew he'd never pull thru this one, all my preperations went right out the window! I cried. My husband kept saying it's time, I kept saying no. The vet said it's time. It's such a hard decision to make. You want to think they will pull thru it. Will be even harder to make a decision like that when your mom see's him happy and playing. I know I'd be the same way. Just be there for her. When I finally knew in my heart I couldnt let pepper suffer anylonger and I agreed to have him put down, I had to have my husband go in with him. I couldnt stand to see him die like that. Such a hard thing to do. Your mom will know when it's time.

 

[roni]

renee - you are so right. rudy looked into my eyes and i knew he was ready. he had a brain tumor and we took him to a specialist to have it removed. we knew that there were risks invovled but everyone agreed that this was the next step. a couple of weeks after the surgery he began having seizures. it was pretty bad...his eyes darted back and froth from side to side. all i could do was hold him until it stopped. sometimes they would last for over an hour. i would just sit there holding him, talking to him in a soft voice and crying at the same time. it was so hard to watch him go through this. the seizures would ware him out. then he began snapping at me. looking back at pictures i realize now that i made him go through all of that way too long. rip...it has to be your mom's decision. everyone around me knew that rudy wasn't going to get any better (although i kept trying) but it didn't matter. i had to be ready for him to go...and it still was the hardest thing that i have ever done. i still cry everytime i think about him laying on the floor between my legs slipping away to the rainbow bridge. he passed away june 2, 2004. please go with your mom...i guarantee she will need you. god bless you all.

 

[RD]

Thank you guys, for your support. This is all extremely new and difficult to me, I've never had to be there as an old friend dies. Shiner passed away with her new family, and I was too young to really get what was happening with Buddy until I got home, and realized that he wasn't there and wasn't coming back.

Buster is doing very well today, in fact when I got up this morning I couldn't have guessed than anything had been wrong.. He's still senile, but he seems to be enjoying himself greatly (We are spoiling him rotten - can't help it.) and is very peppy.

I will keep you all updated on how he's doing. And Renee, I'm going to try the Bach Flower Remedies, thanks for the suggestion. I know they won't do anything for the heat-triggered seizures but I know they are great for stress.

Thanks again. You all are wonderful.

 

[Renee750il]

Rip, you might try putting some of those freezer packs under a big towel in his bed when it's hot, and a fan blowing over his bed wouldn't be a bad idea.