Chaz weigh in please
I am going to meet the boy-persons family.. they know quite a bit about me and seem nice and want to meet me and he wants me to meet them..which is great.
I've asked him numerous times to please mention to his family that I'm not white. He refuses. They have no idea what I look like so previous experience has taught me to give them some notice...just in case. The awkwardness and hurt of "the family obviously didn't know and obviously care" has really hurt me before and I'd rather not experience it again.
He is offended by the accusation that his family would care. That they are open loving people who don't care what my skin color is and wants to prove it to me and thinks that him telling them like it's some big deal is stupid. He keeps trying to reassure me that they'll adore me because x,y, z
but I can say from experience that this isn't just an issue of back country hicks and crazy folk..even pleasant lovely educated families sometime shy away from their sons dating someone of a different race and don't do well with being surprised by it.
I'm already nervous and I'm sick and panicky over this. The awkwardness and "wow... _____ didn't mention you were _____" and the hushed "You aren't thinking of marrying this girl right? I mean, she's a lovely girl but..." "you know your kids will be..brown right?".. it hurts. It hurts more than I'd like to admit and it has happened twice before.
He won't budge and I think he is wrong.
and I just don't want to feel like that again.
I want to say that the times it happened I was strong and told them off and slammed doors but I didn't. I sat small and stayed polite and smiled and went home and cried my eyes out. It makes me feel..less than, like I'm not good enough and I don't want to do it again.
If he tells them, they don't like it..we can cancel. If they are fine then at least we know that and it's not like SURPRISE MY GIRLFRIEND IS ALMOND COLORED I HOPE THAT'S OK
I understand that in his eyes my race isn't an issue, and I adore him for that.. but the world isn't like him.
I am going to meet the boy-persons family.. they know quite a bit about me and seem nice and want to meet me and he wants me to meet them..which is great.
I've asked him numerous times to please mention to his family that I'm not white. He refuses. They have no idea what I look like so previous experience has taught me to give them some notice...just in case. The awkwardness and hurt of "the family obviously didn't know and obviously care" has really hurt me before and I'd rather not experience it again.
He is offended by the accusation that his family would care. That they are open loving people who don't care what my skin color is and wants to prove it to me and thinks that him telling them like it's some big deal is stupid. He keeps trying to reassure me that they'll adore me because x,y, z
but I can say from experience that this isn't just an issue of back country hicks and crazy folk..even pleasant lovely educated families sometime shy away from their sons dating someone of a different race and don't do well with being surprised by it.
I'm already nervous and I'm sick and panicky over this. The awkwardness and "wow... _____ didn't mention you were _____" and the hushed "You aren't thinking of marrying this girl right? I mean, she's a lovely girl but..." "you know your kids will be..brown right?".. it hurts. It hurts more than I'd like to admit and it has happened twice before.
He won't budge and I think he is wrong.
and I just don't want to feel like that again.
I want to say that the times it happened I was strong and told them off and slammed doors but I didn't. I sat small and stayed polite and smiled and went home and cried my eyes out. It makes me feel..less than, like I'm not good enough and I don't want to do it again.
If he tells them, they don't like it..we can cancel. If they are fine then at least we know that and it's not like SURPRISE MY GIRLFRIEND IS ALMOND COLORED I HOPE THAT'S OK
I understand that in his eyes my race isn't an issue, and I adore him for that.. but the world isn't like him.