Where your parents supportive of your parenting choices?

I want to parent my children a little differently than my parents raised me. They arent taking it well. I told them I havent decided about spanking (I am really thinking I wont but if I say that and decide to I dont want to hear "we TOLD you") but I said if we do decide to spank Danny and I will be the ONLY ones spaking our child. My mom freaked out and was all offended and said "well dont ever ask me to keep you kids" Well FINE. My parents spanked me ALL the time but my grandparents just never needed to. Why is she so eager to spank my child anyway? I think if we properly discipline the child no one else should need to. They will know what behavior is expected of them no matter who they are with. I did.

Also I told her I want to breastfeed and she took it as some kind of personal insult. She was like "what is so horrible about the wa we raised you?" Nothing. I just want to breastfeed EVERYONE knows its best! It's like whenever I say I am going to do something "better" (in her mind) than what she did she gets personally offended and acts like a baby about it.

I want her to respect our desicions. She must realize that we arent going to do EVERYTHING the way she did. Why does she have to argue with every decision I make that is different from hers. Its MY baby! She raised me 20 years ago. There is all sorts if new info on parenting and pediatric health.

I dread it when religion comes up. We are athiest. We arent antireligion by any means. I want my child to choose any religion they want but I want it ot be THEIR choice. I dont want my parents cramming christianity down my kids throat but at the same time I know they are going to want to bring the aby to church to show off and to sunday school when he/she is older but I dont want them brainwashing my baby against me when I'm not around and I know they will. They are pretty religious so there goes any hope of my kid deciding their religion independantly. Not to mention that they are going to use my child to guilt me into going to church.

I need some advice! All opinions welcome. I promise.

I think you should raise your child the way YOU want to. Your mom can give you advice, but not PUSH it on you. I think thats very rude. You will learn what works with YOUR child.

About the spanking. I personally dont think its necessary, but I will see for myself when my daughter gets a little older. Even if I did plan on using spankings, no way in hell would I EVER let ANYONE lay a hand on MY child except for her father. Its the parents job, not anyone elses. I think its disgusting to have anyone else put their hands on my kid. No thanks.

About breast feeding. My mom was pretty accepting of it, although we did get into a couple arguments about breast milk being way better than formula, but that ended after the doctor corrected her. I was a can milk and caro syrup baby. My mom couldn't afford formula and couldn't breast feed. She tried to get me to give Madison formula when she didnt think Madison was gaining enough weight when she was born.

I really dont have much advice about religion, because I dont come from a religious family. But I agree with letting your child choose in what she wants to believe in.

Just tell her that how you raise your child has nothing to do with what she did. It has everything to do with you, your husband and your child.

With the religion thing. Just tell them to butt out!

Let me tell you, it is WAY hard to raise your child how you would like to when grandparents are involved.

You're going to have to really pick your battles. I have a really religious mother who LOVES to bring my children to church. I have similar beliefs with you as far as how you want your children to view religion. But it doesn't work, I'm going to tell you that.

My mother tried really guilting me about religion/church with my children. She's given up, basically, because I just don't bring my children to church very often because I don't go. Not that I am atheist, I'm not. I just don't go to church.
I don't battle with my mom about it, though, I just simply let her know that I do not go to church and if I decide to go, it's because I want to. And if I don't go, it's because I do not want to. I allow her to bring my children to church if they spend the night at her house on a Saturday night. My children like going to church and this part makes me feel bad. I've had to have religious talks with my children that they are not able to understand just yet. I've basically told them (to put it in terms that they can understand right now) that mommy doesn't go to church very often, but when they stay with nana, they can go with nana. I talk about my beliefs with them and I encourage God-speak in my house if they choose to talk about it, but I have issues with organized religion and I let my children know that I have a personal relationship with God and that is my choice just like it will be their choice one day. It's OK for children to have a foundation, they'll figure it out one day.

I wouldn't fight with your mom about it. Chances are, you're going to need your mom's advice and need her, period, in ways you cannot even imagine right now and you're going to rely a lot on your upbringing as you raise your child. Not that you'll raise your child like you were raised, but you'll need your upbringing as a reflection.

Well, I am atheist. I was talking to my SO last night and he said that it is important to his mother that his kids are christened. I told him that it was fine as long as the service does not mention original sin or ask me to promise to raise my children as christians.

We both agreed that it was fine then. You have to stand firm on what you believe and it is only between you and your husband. I would not fight with your mother, it can cause bad feelings. I would just keep my opinions to myself if I were you. Maybe a wry smile and nod. ; )

I'd also say to take it easy. You are what? About 2 months pregnant? I wouldn't fall with the door into the house with the whole parenting thing. You should enjoy your pregnancy along with your parents instead of fighting with them about certain things that are still so far in the future. And- what I've been told... once your baby is actually here, you'll do many things so differently than you would expect. Of course, in the end it is your choice... but instead of overthinking it, choose your battles now wisely.

GREAT! I love playing this..They always come back and are like 'im sorry, can I please watch them' THEN you get to set the rules. But like a child you have to be consistant. When they start preaching to your son you say something like, 'mom thats it I have had it, never again.' Wait awhile, they will change their mind..
Well anyways it is what works for me..
Shell get over everything..

Agreed

Although my parents or my inlaws didn't really butt in as far as my "plans" so I can't really help there. BUT I will say that since I have had Hannah... I talk to my mother every single day on the phone. Don't fight if you don't have to.

but Jules is right. A lot of times we have a lot of ideals that just don't work out I wanted to breastfeed Hannah for a long time but after two months I had to stop and she has been on formula ever since. not what I had planned lol but babies make their own plans lol

Enjoy your pregnancy and if talking about how you want to parent your unborn child causes strife between you and your parents I wouldn't talk about your plans anymore until you are actually doing it. Pregnancy should be enjoyed. Enjoy all the little milestones and don't worry about the rest until it comes to fruition.

Oooh I didnt know you were only 2 months. Things will change in the next 7 months..

I wouldn't worry too much about these things right now. Becoming a parent often seems to bring the new mom to a new, and many times, even closer relationship with her mom.....despite any differences. If you are in the same area, you will absolutely LOVE having someone who truly adores your child babysitting when you need one. Leaving your child in the care of a loving grandparent rather than any babysitter will give you a peace of mind that is worth some aggravation you might deal with.

We dont fight all the time and most of our conversations are pleasant but she just takes offense to the things I want to differently than she did. I know I am still early in my pregnancy and thats why I havent planned everything out but the things I have decided like breastfeeding will NOT change. I am determined to breastfeed. I will do it unless there are extreme circumstances which is rare from what I read. I will find a way. Other than that its stuff she brings up. I just wish she would respect my decisions as an adult. I've never kown a mother to act the way she does about things.

The religion thing really concerns me even though its so far off b/c I KNOW it will be an issue. I want our kid to go to church with them I just dont know how to do that and still have our kid be openminded. The religion you were raised with is something that is very hard to stray from and I think christianity is one of the hardest. Basically I know if I let them go to church w/ her they will be pressured (by my parents) to choose christianity and thats not how I want that decision to come about. I know I have time to worry about that later. I just wanted to get your views on it.

I'm also really tired of people telling me I am not going to do everything I say I want to do. I make a point never to say "I AM going to..." I always say "I want to" or "I'm going to try to". So far I have been told (by different people) "You ARE going to spank your kid" "You will NOT have a natural birth" "You probably wont breastfeed" and "You WILL gain like 65 pounds during pregnancy no matter what you say". I hate everyone right now. Why cant ANYONE just be supportive? Why does everyone grin while they tell me about how I will fail? Why cant they just expect me to succeed or at least HOPE I do? Whats wrong with "I hope you have the birth you've always dreamed of"

Does your husband support youÉ

Steve and I are on the same page about religion and that helps a lot. Mom buys Fiona things like books on the Christmas story which is fine as long as she doesnèt overdo it. I want Fiona to know about all religions. I met a girl last year who didnt know anything about Christianity because her family didnt practise. I mean she barely knew who Jesus was. Ièm not Christian but I do think itès educational to know these things! I plan on buying her books about as many religions that I can find. I guess her books on Christianity will come from my mom. Neither steve and I respond to guilt trips well and she knows that so she doesnèt do it.

I think that grandparents have to be allowed to mildly discipline a kid inorder to keep them safe. But no way they should be spanking them! Kids are not dogs or horses. They can retain a memory of what they did and if a parent has to punish them they can do it later as they see fit. Its better to wait and cool off anyway.

I think iève been lucky w most things. My mom is quite supportive. Especially with breastfeeding. Some things she tries to push because thatès what she knows ie they gave infants water back when i was growing up. now they donèt recommend it.

I hate this. My ex (evil) editor told me that Id only breastfeed for a day or two and then quit. And I want(ed) to use cloth diapers and she just shook her head. Well, I haventused them but only because I dont have a washed and drier where we rent. I still want to if we move to a better place.

Well I hope and am confident that you will do everything you want to (( hugs))

WHOA!!!!

No one here is saying you won't do anything you say you are going to do. It's just people have ideals and then sometimes they don't work out. It's the way it is. You may have a natural birth you may not. You may be successful at breastfeeding you may not. YOu may spank or you may not. YOu won't know until you are THERE. It's not people rooting for you to fail. It's people letting you know that sh!t happens and not to feel like a failure if it does happen.

I was dead set that I was going to breastfeed hannah... and I did for the first two months and then things went wrong and nothing we tried helped and with her not gaining weight as it was I made the decision to supplement. I felt awful about it... and when people say things like "I am determined to breastfeed no matter what and nothing will stop that.... it's rare that people can't breastfeed" Well that's a line I heard all throughout pregnancy and after Hannah was born and it made me feel guilty when I made the choice to stop. I have pretty much come to terms with the fact that it shouldn't matter what people who weren't there think about my decision... but sometimes it still makes me feel like I failed her as a mother even though I know I didn't. THAT is what people are trying to "protect" you from.

Plus.... you will see... after you have a child you will have an opinion on everything child related lol. It's one of the perks. You earned it

My husband is totally supportive of all my decisions but he keeps reminding me that its OKAY if I change my mind about a natural birth or breastfeeding etc. I make sure to tell him I do realize that. I am careful to keep an open mind. After all I have never had a child. I dont know what it feels like and if I decide I want an epidural or some other form of pain medication I will NOT feel like a failure. He is afraid I will be too hard on myself of I change my mind but I wont. I realize plans change. His support is helpful but his constant reminder that its ok if I change my mind is starting to feel like doubt.

It really is amazing how the littlest things can make you feel guilty when your child is involved. Even when you shouldn't feel guilty. hannah has a rash. It's not my fault and I have tried everything to fix it but I still feel horrible. I feel terrible for her and Friday's Dr appt can't come fast enough to get that taken care of because I know it's driving her mad.

I feel guilty about the silliest things and some of them make me tear up when I think about it lol

I'm sorry! lol NONE of that was related to anything here. That was all about things people have said to me IRL. I didnt mean for it to sound that way. I wasnt talking about what you said Sparks. Sorry again!

Aso the people who tell me these things are saying it w/ a smile and being smug. They think I am a total idiot who knows nothing b/c I dont have a child yet. That really annoys me. Also I worked around children for 2 years and my (awful) God-daughter lived with us for a while. I do know alot about raising kids. I took care of 12 babies for 8 hours a day at my last job and I was a nanny before that. I obviously dont know as much as someone who actually has kids but I think they assume I know nothing and am just a silly little girl. I just dont care anymore. Its just motivation to prove them wrong.

Because people will always know better. Seriously, who cares what other people think you might or might not do with your child?
And what's all this non-sense with failing? You are pregnant... not taking a test. And getting pain meds at birth is not failing. Gaining weight during pregnancy is not failing. YOU have to start to think positive... don't blame others or assume that everyone around you is wishing you bad. So please... let your man take you out or something and just chillax!