I have to wonder if parents who have smoked some pot and stepped outside the bounds of being The Good Kid in their lifetimes don't have a better perspective -- and more credibility -- than those who were spotless. If they are honest with their kids -- and themselves -- about the consequences, or lack thereof, and why.
It's always appeared that the parents who offered honesty to their kids got more of it in return. There are always exceptions, a kid who is almost pathologically addicted to lying, outside interference from ex spouses, etc.
I agree.
I never drank or tried pot or anything like that until I wasn't under my parents roof. That doesn't make it any more of a 'right' choice, but I did have respect for their expectations and rules. Now AFTER I was on my own? I tried the drinking thing, and I smoked my share of pot in my 20's as well. They know about it, they also know I smoke cigarettes and wish to heaven I had never started, they can see for themselves WHY it's a very stupid thing to do.
On one hand, kids can point to parents and say See? They did it and they turned out fine.........on the other hand, if you are honest with them, TRULY honest (no making up crazy things like "smoke a joint and you will want to jump off a building" type crap) you can explain the risks, legal and health, you can explain what a colossal waste of money and brain cells it was, LOL
We certainly expect our kids to screw up now and then.......we weren't perfect, NOBODY is perfect, so no matter how much we love them, THEY aren't going to be perfect either, LOL
Ok, paragraph 2, I can agree with. So, knowing that... Paragraph 1. Kid screws up, knows it and owns it....
Do they still deserve punishment of some sort?
Absolutely! Agree with below
Absolutely! Learning that there are consequences to our actions is essential. BUT, I'd have to think that the ideal would be to have the kind of relationship where, at least most of the time, the kid gets to have some input into the discussion of an appropriate punishment, and it's not something arbitrary. I know that's not always possible, but it's a something to shoot for. Realistically, too, there are always going to be certain well-defined lines that they know Action X = Consequences Y, no exceptions.
For you not ever having/raising kids Renee, we sure have the same parenting style :rofl1:
There are definitely things in this house where my kids know the rules/punishment up front, no exceptions. Hit your brother, get sent to your room. The end, no debate, and many other things in that area.
There are other things that are gray areas. We discuss, we listen, and we sometimes even ask them what they think a FAIR punishment would be. That doesn't mean we automatically go with their idea (once Zac said he thought it would be fair to go see GI Joe the movie as a fair punishment ROFL) but if they are being reasonable about the suggestion we do take their suggestion and sometimes tweak it a bit or go with it out right.
But we ALWAYS ask them at the end of the 'sentencing' "Do you think that is a fair punishment for what you did?" And if they answer no, we talk some more until they understand our position and we understand theirs. They don't always walk away feeling good about our decision, but as long as they UNDERSTAND it, we're good.