My Apologies Guys,
I have deleted as much as I can.
I am a newbie and I NEVER meant to ruffle any fur.
I CAN promise you all, I meant no harm.
I am not mad.
A part of me really wanted to press charges. Another part of me wanted to crawl in a hole and die. And yet another part just wanted to pretend it never happened.
In my situation, I was at a party that we athletes held all the time. After all, we were all pretty much friends with one another. I thought this guy was cute, and we had talked a bit a few times here and there. Oddly enough, one of my teammates, whom I despised, was the one person who told me not to get involved with him as he was, in her words, "no good".
We had all been drinking at this party. No, I was not 21. You can call that Strike 1 against me in a trial. The thing is, I had not had anything before he offered to get me a drink. I never once got that warning feeling. I usually never accepted drinks from anyone, but I trusted where I was at and I trusted the situation and I stupidly trusted him. I remember beginning to feel real tipsy real quick. I won't go into the detail from there, but I remember being awake during a part of it, and next thing I know, I was waking up feeling like I had been hit by a mack truck.
Swabby, I had always said I would be strong and do the "right thing" in such a situation. Never in a million years did I imagine to be in that position. I have been called as a character witness before, and that single experience is how I knew I couldn't do it. In my friend's case, she was 11 and was abused by the youth pastor at her church. She wasn't alone, but her trial was a stand-alone trial. Even though she was just 11 at the time, the defense painted her out to be some kind of hussy that was asking for it. 11. A child. And she was responsible?
I wish I could've done something. Trust me. I have to live with this. But even if I had a do-over, I cannot honestly say that I would go ahead and press charges. My life would have been ruined even more. I would've been painted as some drunken ***** who liked to spend all her time partying (which was the opposite of who I really was). And the worst part for me is that my parents would've known. I didn't want to let them down. I didn't want them disappointed in me (drinking, whatever). I didn't want them to know this happened to me.
Paige, I completely understand the sex part. I don't like it, and I have a hard time really believing that guys are in it for anyone but themselves. I completely understand the sudden bouts of crying. Heck, I still HAVE to shower immediately after. I pretty much lost it, but as it was, I met my now-husband a few weeks after the incident, and I pretty much went crazy. Even though we've stayed together, and been married for almost 8 years, I think that has only served to warp my situation that much more.