Buddy,
I got to have you in my live almost 5 years. While those years were not nearly as many as I wanted they were what you had to give, and I'm a better man for having been the one you gave them to. We had some downs with you, more than your fair share in fact, but we had a lot of ups. So many ups. And oh Buddy boy you sure knew how to **** me off when you wanted to, but you also knew exactly how to melt my heart.
You had as rough a start as you did a stop. I remember bringing you home from the Fresno SPCA. You still fit in my hands back then, and you rode for 3 hours on my lap from Fresno to Fremont where we had just moved to. It was Christmas time, and little did we know you were a very sick boy. Christmas eve you came down with a case of parvo, and we almost lost you. But you had things that you needed to teach us, and you knew there were things that we needed to teach you, and you hung onto life through sheer force of will, and you survived. You came home to us almost a week later. and we began our life together again.
You, my dear sweet friend, were a hellion. I was no prince charming myself back then. God did we butt heads. You were determined that you wanted to be in control of the family, and I was determined that you weren't. I won that one in the end didn't I? But I guess you got the prize because it's easier to be taken care of than responsible for taking care of. And you could not learn to control your bladder to save your life. It was probably one of the most frustrating things I ever did - surviving that first year with you - but I wouldn't trade that year, or any of our years, for anything... You taught me to be a leader, the value of positive reinforcement, how loud I could yell before hurting my throat, and patience.
We settled down into a routine after that. You learned at an amazing pace, and I tried to keep up with you. Such a bundle of energy, such a firecracker waiting for a match. It's been said that you crammed seven days of life into every 24 hours... That might have been a low estimate. You were way to smart for our own good, and occasionally too big for your britches. But you and I really came to understand each other, didn't we? Between bouts of illnesses and vet visits -- you really got completely healthy, did you -- I came to love you so much for who you were.
When we got Banzai, and later Bella you showed them the ropes. After we put all that hard time in with you you turned around and whipped those two right into shape for us. It was like we didnt even have to work at it. You'd learned your lessons so well. Maybe I'd learned your lessons too. Quite the pair we made.
Through everything, even when I was mad at you, you knew you could depend on me. You'd hide behind me, and come to me when you needed things fixed. Until the end I always made it better, or helped mamma make it better. It was so hard for me not to be able to fix it for you at the end. You would look at me and I could see it in your eyes "daddy, fix it, it hurts" and it killed me to have to tell you that there was nothing that I could do to fix it. It literally shattered my heart, and I'm still trying to find all the pieces to put it back together.
I guess you had one last lesson for me, didn't you? You needed to teach me how to say goodbye, how to let go. I'm trying to learn. For you. It's only been a day and I'm trying. I'll get it, you know I will, but try not to be too angry with me because I'm still sad that you're gone. The reason that it hurts so is because of the wonderful things you added to my life. Had I not gotten so much joy from your being in my life I wouldn't hurt now that you're gone.
Even this hurt is worth it. To have had you for the time that I did. I would hurt this much again, and again.
Thank you.
For everything.
Your Dad,
Your Friend,
P.S. when I finally get up there your ass better be ready with some serious face-bathing-puppy-kiss-action. SRSLY.