At what age
- Thread starter milos_mommy
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I don't think anyone here suggested you just sit back and let your daughters do as they please. I had rules out the wazoo when I was younger and they led to countless fights between my parents and I. I was not an easy teen to raise but I was a good teen. But what I was saying was that when I was allowed to start dating at 16 years old, I had a good solid head on my shoulders and enough self-respect that I wasn't going to fall over for the first boy who asked. That's what everyone needs to really focus on, is setting their girls (and boys) up for success.
That 19 year old I was dating when I was 17...first, not a 'man' by any stretch of the imagination. 19 years old is still very much a dumbass teen boy, though (hopefully) with an emerging mature streak.
That 19 year old I was dating when I was 17...first, not a 'man' by any stretch of the imagination. 19 years old is still very much a dumbass teen boy, though (hopefully) with an emerging mature streak.
I really don't think there should be set age limits... There is no 'magic time' when people turn into adults.
My mom met my father when he was 20 and she was 17. I know for a fact that they didn't 'do anything' until they were engaged 3 years later... They're still together now. So there's a guy three years older than a fairly young girl and he was obviously not only after that.
My mom met my father when he was 20 and she was 17. I know for a fact that they didn't 'do anything' until they were engaged 3 years later... They're still together now. So there's a guy three years older than a fairly young girl and he was obviously not only after that.
Well of course... I think that is what any good parent strives for. But impressionable teens can succumb to peer pressure no matter how solid their mind is. Some young girls think they are in love with the first boy that comes along and can be easily pressured. So while I am going to do my very very best to raise Hannah to have self respect, confidence and a good head on her shoulders... I can't ignore the peer pressure and the effects it can have... so their has to be rules and they have to be followed.
Now that being said... I don't always think 16 and 19 is a bad thing. Although in Canada it is the difference between a minor and legal drinking age. But still... I remember my first long term b/f. I was 17 and he was 20 I think. He wore baggy clothes, put his hair up in wierd spikes, he even had gold teeth (they were covers not his actual teeth lol). I brought him home to meet my mom... as I mentioned I was never afraid to bring boys home to meet my parents... I didn't always like what they had to say but I respected them. Anyway.... My mom took one look at him and thought "Oh my God... what is my daughter getting herself into" She really had her doubts BUT she gave him a chance... she didn't want to judge a book by it's cover. what you saw ont he outside didn't really "match" what was on the inside. he was polite... always said please and thank you etc, He was kind, loving and was a good person. I was with him for 3 years until I moved away and I had grown a lot in 3 years and I changed. I broke his heart and I felt terrible. he was a good person. So... no I don't always think that age is an issue. BUT... I will question a man or woman who is 30 wanting to date my 16 year old.... there is just something not right there.
Brian is 7 years older than I am.
I've seen the studies, but I guess they are all false? I think age does matter when it comes to brain development. I still feel the way I do regardless, and I am allowed to have my own opinion like everyone else. But its funny when you dont have the popular opinion so there for you are wrong. 
Of course you are allowed to have your own opinion and I don't know what you are talking about with not having the popular opinion. I am discussing your views with you, that's all. I am not saying you are wrong for having your opinion, but the things that you state as facts are not true. Or at least there are different views out there and not one study can give the answer to the discussion.
I am not saying that you should let your child date any 30 year old, who comes along when she is 16. And I think I made that pretty clear, just as well as you shouldn't let your child run her own life. Ground rules need to be set.
I think Zoom said what I am trying to say perfectly.
I just wanted to put in here that I commend the open and honest moms and dads out there. I, myself was 16. We were high school sweethearts, started dating at 15, married at 21 and divorced at 29. I am now 40 and can count on one hand the sexual partners I've had.
With everything being said on here about waiting because of possible pregnancy, I think this is super naive. Fact of the matter is these kids ARE having sex and at a younger and younger age each year. As a parent the most responsible thing you can do is educate you teens and get those girls on birth control. But in todays day and age and IMO this is the least of your worries. It's not just about teen pregnancies anymore. It's about a death sentence. Statistically speaking, the fastest growing population of people testing positive for HIV are heterosexual 16-25 year olds. Now that is the reality that our teens are facing today. We can't afford to not be realistic and give our teens proper education, THEIR LIVES DEPEND ON IT.
With everything being said on here about waiting because of possible pregnancy, I think this is super naive. Fact of the matter is these kids ARE having sex and at a younger and younger age each year. As a parent the most responsible thing you can do is educate you teens and get those girls on birth control. But in todays day and age and IMO this is the least of your worries. It's not just about teen pregnancies anymore. It's about a death sentence. Statistically speaking, the fastest growing population of people testing positive for HIV are heterosexual 16-25 year olds. Now that is the reality that our teens are facing today. We can't afford to not be realistic and give our teens proper education, THEIR LIVES DEPEND ON IT.
My family was very much a 'just don't do it til you are married' family. I wasn't pulled from sex ed classes or anything. Actually, my mom explained it to me in advance because I asked. I remember thinking how odd it all sounded. lol I was probably in Gr 4 or something. My mom would get really annoyed when she'd hear about teenage girls being put on the pill. She figured it opened the door and also didn't think it was safe to be on the pill.
I was a good kid. I've never let anyone push me into something I didn't want to do. I know when I am ready to do something whether it is learning to drive, sex, having a family or whatever. So I didn't get into trouble. The first time I got drunk I was actually legal. My friend and I drank mickey rather rapidly in my parents basement.
My mom found us and was FURIOUS. She yelled at me while I was still drunk. It was a pivotal moment for me. I knew I would never call her if I got drunk or needed a ride home. Instead, I'd ask for my dad. He was pretty good.
With Fiona and any other kids I'm going to encourage them to wait as long as possible to have sex. I'd LOVE it if they were out of high school. But I'm not a fool. lol So over everything else I will teach her to be safe, encourage her to be in love and with someone she trusts. Too many girls get pushed into something because they get into a situation where they are intimidated. They may not be 'raped' but I have had so many friends tell me that if they hadn't said yes they are sure the guy would have forced it. So I really want Fiona to think about who she is hanging out with, if she trusts them and how to get herself out of an uncomfortable situation.
Steve and I have also agreed that we will have her in martial arts training from a young age. We believe that it will help her self-esteem, reinforce morals, give her skills to defend herself and help keep her fit. I think all of that will give her a better foundation to know herself and decide what is right for her.
Honestly, if she is 16, safe and in love with a guy that loves her I couldn't ask for much more. Ideally she'll be out of high school but not that many girls make it that far these days.
I wasn't pulled from sex ed classes or anything. Actually, my mom explained it to me in advance because I asked. I remember thinking how odd it all sounded. lol I was probably in Gr 4 or something. My mom would get really annoyed when she'd hear about teenage girls being put on the pill. She figured it opened the door and also didn't think it was safe to be on the pill. I was a good kid. I've never let anyone push me into something I didn't want to do. I know when I am ready to do something whether it is learning to drive, sex, having a family or whatever. So I didn't get into trouble. The first time I got drunk I was actually legal. My friend and I drank mickey rather rapidly in my parents basement.
My mom found us and was FURIOUS. She yelled at me while I was still drunk. It was a pivotal moment for me. I knew I would never call her if I got drunk or needed a ride home. Instead, I'd ask for my dad. He was pretty good.
With Fiona and any other kids I'm going to encourage them to wait as long as possible to have sex. I'd LOVE it if they were out of high school. But I'm not a fool. lol So over everything else I will teach her to be safe, encourage her to be in love and with someone she trusts. Too many girls get pushed into something because they get into a situation where they are intimidated. They may not be 'raped' but I have had so many friends tell me that if they hadn't said yes they are sure the guy would have forced it.
So I really want Fiona to think about who she is hanging out with, if she trusts them and how to get herself out of an uncomfortable situation. Steve and I have also agreed that we will have her in martial arts training from a young age. We believe that it will help her self-esteem, reinforce morals, give her skills to defend herself and help keep her fit. I think all of that will give her a better foundation to know herself and decide what is right for her.
Honestly, if she is 16, safe and in love with a guy that loves her I couldn't ask for much more. Ideally she'll be out of high school but not that many girls make it that far these days.
My dad was always wonderful for picking us up if we drank too much. If we went to the bar and had too much to drink... no matter the time he ALWAYS ALWAYS encouraged me to call him. He would gladly get out of bed and come and get me. He was ADAMANT that I NEVER EVER get in a car with someone who was drinking... not that I would. and I never did. I didn't abuse that but there have been times that I have called him to come get me. it was the same with all of my siblings. He would rather lose sleep by coming to get us than lose sleep not knowing why we didn't make it home.
I was allowed alcohol in the home as a teenager. hot summer days... my dad would toss me a beer. if there was a party at the house for whatever reason i was allowed a couple of drinks. When we went to the cottage every year I was allowed to drink. NEVER did I EVER feel the need to sneak out and get drunk. Alcohol wasn't taboo. I didn't sit at home and get wasted... I just had a drink here or there on occassions. I had no need to sneak around.
I remember asking my mom about sex for the first time LOL. I was about 8.... I asked her and then I pulled the covers over my head while she answered me because I was embarrassed that I asked. but my mom handled it so well and told me what sex was. when I started highschool she encouraged me to talk to a Dr about BC pills and she paid for my pills for many many years even when I had a job or two. in preschool I got caught playing "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" LOL... I will NEVER forget that night when I got home. My mom went out and got a book about your private parts and about stranger dangers and how I shouldn't be showing them off LMAO... My mom was really wonderful about the sex talks. My dad... not so much. he was P.O'd when he found out my mom took me to the doc for BC.
so with that in mind... Brian and I have a pact lol. If Hannah asks him about sex he will tell her but otherwise... with girls... I am in charge of the sex and BC talk... I am in charge of deciding when to suggest BC pills to hannah and any other daughters we may have in the future. HE will be responsible for the boys in that department. Not just because of the sex aspect but because being a female I just understand what my girls bodies are going to go through better than he does and he understands what our boys are going to go through better than I do. And I think it will make the kids more comfortable. I always knew I could talk to either of my parents but me personally... I felt more comfortable talking to my mom who had gone through the same things... my dad doesn't go through it so I thought how could he possibly understand.
I was allowed alcohol in the home as a teenager. hot summer days... my dad would toss me a beer. if there was a party at the house for whatever reason i was allowed a couple of drinks. When we went to the cottage every year I was allowed to drink. NEVER did I EVER feel the need to sneak out and get drunk. Alcohol wasn't taboo. I didn't sit at home and get wasted... I just had a drink here or there on occassions. I had no need to sneak around.
I remember asking my mom about sex for the first time LOL. I was about 8.... I asked her and then I pulled the covers over my head while she answered me because I was embarrassed that I asked. but my mom handled it so well and told me what sex was. when I started highschool she encouraged me to talk to a Dr about BC pills and she paid for my pills for many many years even when I had a job or two. in preschool I got caught playing "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" LOL... I will NEVER forget that night when I got home. My mom went out and got a book about your private parts and about stranger dangers and how I shouldn't be showing them off LMAO... My mom was really wonderful about the sex talks. My dad... not so much. he was P.O'd when he found out my mom took me to the doc for BC.
so with that in mind... Brian and I have a pact lol. If Hannah asks him about sex he will tell her but otherwise... with girls... I am in charge of the sex and BC talk... I am in charge of deciding when to suggest BC pills to hannah and any other daughters we may have in the future. HE will be responsible for the boys in that department. Not just because of the sex aspect but because being a female I just understand what my girls bodies are going to go through better than he does and he understands what our boys are going to go through better than I do. And I think it will make the kids more comfortable. I always knew I could talk to either of my parents but me personally... I felt more comfortable talking to my mom who had gone through the same things... my dad doesn't go through it so I thought how could he possibly understand.
more parents who don't care... who put the burden on schools to educate their children about sex because they don't want to talk about it.
I hate to blame outside sources but.... in this day and age... sex is EVERYWHERE. it's on TV, movies, in songs, in magazines, have you SEEN the clothes they are marketing to ten year old girls lately? it's appalling.
little girls wanna be like Britney spears (or whoever the new big starlet is) and then they see them dressing trampy and getting knocked up and they want to do the same thing.
I hate to blame outside sources but.... in this day and age... sex is EVERYWHERE. it's on TV, movies, in songs, in magazines, have you SEEN the clothes they are marketing to ten year old girls lately? it's appalling.
little girls wanna be like Britney spears (or whoever the new big starlet is) and then they see them dressing trampy and getting knocked up and they want to do the same thing.
Yes. it's great that Hannah has a Dad involved . I would go out at any hour for my kids . Unfortunately Tom felt it wasn't his calling . Only twice did he step in sensibly . I much rather handle it myself and I felt he was too harsh and yet couldn't ( or wouldn't ) put him down in front of the children . He was an only child and sent to military school at 13 ! Really had no family in put or role models . It was sad . The 50s and 60s were different too . Bless the Dads today !
My personal feeling is not so much that it's because sex is everywhere that's the issue, it's the double-standards we still have running rampant. Sex is all around, but it's still a "bad thing". "Good girls don't have sex" but if they do, having a condom with them or being on the pill ahead of time (i.e. being responsible) means that they're bad or "dirty sluts". Sparks did make a good point about the apathy in many families, that does play a huge role, as well as teen celebrities glorifying having babies. I think they need to bring back Home Ec or something where you carried around the fake babies.
Sex is even more of a pervasive thing over in the UK and such, but they don't have the teen pregnancy issue like we do. Personally, I think it's because it is such a naturally accepted thing and people just don't make as big of an issue out of it.
Sex is even more of a pervasive thing over in the UK and such, but they don't have the teen pregnancy issue like we do. Personally, I think it's because it is such a naturally accepted thing and people just don't make as big of an issue out of it.
My cousin was about to turn 18 when she and her dad's best friend sat down at dinner one night (The best friend ate there 2-3 nights a week, so they were totally caught off guard), and told them:
1. They had been in love for 2 years.
2. They were getting married when she turned 18, no matter what.
To say her folks were shocked, is putting it mildly. Her dad just sat there, with his mouth open. He had worked with the guy since just after WWII, and had no idea he was into "young girls". Her mom went ballistic, and got very nasty with the "boyfriend", who was almost exactly 31 years older than the daughter. The day after her 18th birthday, they got married. That was just over 40 years ago. They are still together, and he just turned 89. He's too cheap to die. He's actually in perfect health, and looks about 20 years younger than he is. They have two kids, and 4 grandkids. After a while, her parents got over their shock and anger, and they all spent a lot more time together than most people and their in laws do, so I guess it all worked out. Her parents used to tell people all about it to see them freak out due to the age difference.
1. They had been in love for 2 years.
2. They were getting married when she turned 18, no matter what.
To say her folks were shocked, is putting it mildly. Her dad just sat there, with his mouth open. He had worked with the guy since just after WWII, and had no idea he was into "young girls". Her mom went ballistic, and got very nasty with the "boyfriend", who was almost exactly 31 years older than the daughter. The day after her 18th birthday, they got married. That was just over 40 years ago. They are still together, and he just turned 89. He's too cheap to die. He's actually in perfect health, and looks about 20 years younger than he is. They have two kids, and 4 grandkids. After a while, her parents got over their shock and anger, and they all spent a lot more time together than most people and their in laws do, so I guess it all worked out. Her parents used to tell people all about it to see them freak out due to the age difference.