At what age

[Jules]

Reggin, you need to refrain from making very broad assumptions and stating them as facts.

From what I understand, we know a lot about the structure of the brain, but this does not necessarily tell us more about functions of the brain. Yes, I think it is common that teenagers take more risks because of the immaturity of their frontal cortex, because that is where the brain reflects on things and reasons in regard of certain behaviors. But just saying that "the brain is not fully matured" by age so and so and that is why teenagers behave a certain way they do cannot be said like that because it is way more complicated.

Plus, from what I remember, experts have said that brains do not fully mature until the mid 20's. So scratch the 17 or 18. And then there are so many factors that come into play on an individual level.... I think it really depends on the person.

 

[sparks19]

perhaps I can't stop Hannah from dating boys... but I also won't be tolerating a boy driving up and honking for her to come out. If he comes to pick her up he can come to the door and meet us.... and see my husband cleaning his guns LOL

My job is to be her parent... NOT her friend... that comes later. I am not foolish enough to think I will have total control over Hannah at 16 but I'm also not going to walk on eggshells so that she doesn't "hate me"

 

[Sweet72947]

perhaps I can't stop Hannah from dating boys... but I also won't be tolerating a boy driving up and honking for her to come out. If he comes to pick her up he can come to the door and meet us.... and see my husband cleaning his guns LOL

My job is to be her parent... NOT her friend... that comes later. I am not foolish enough to think I will have total control over Hannah at 16 but I'm also not going to walk on eggshells so that she doesn't "hate me"

That's so true, about the friend thing. My mom became my friend around 17 or 18, before that she'd been another annoying parent, lol. But I could always talk to her about stuff if I had to; I never shared anything with my dad because he would just get mad and yell at me. We don't like him and we have no respect for him because he was always so angry and nasty and never listened or seemed to care about us or our feelings, whereas my mom is the total opposite.

On Topic,
I was 12 when I got my period, and I'm 26 now and I've never even had a boyfriend or anything. I don't even have guy friends. The guys I know are married to my girl friends, and not guys I would ever be attracted to anyways (seriously, my one friend's husband is spagetti with chest hair, NOT my type, lol).

Can I be in the VAMP club??

Oh, and a little snippet about age differences: I had a friend in HS who was 17 when she fell in love with a guy in his 30s; they connected over their love for model trains. When she was 18 they got married, and she is still married to him (and from her facebook, she seems to be happy). I think that was about 6 years ago. I could never think about getting with someone that much older than me, but for other people it works out, I suppose.

 

[Dakotah]

My mom became my friend when I was about 15 but still attempted to be my mom.... I wish she wouldn't have done that.
Its like I don't have a mom, I know thats horrible to say but its true.

Now my dad is my dad and nothing more or less. He's not a hardass or mean, but can be if need be. I can't go and do whenever I want. I talk to him about EVERYTHING. He knows Charla and I have sex and talks to me about it without it being uncomfortable, he buys my birth control, goes to the doctor with me when I have my paps/blood test, he buys my tampons when I need them and deals with me every month when I'm ill from cramps or just cause I started at the wrong time of the month. He even hears me say " Dad I started!!!" when its that time. LMAO

My dad is my dad, my mom is my best friend.

 

[Kase]

I was 20 and it was not that long ago at all. I waited untill I was with the right person and have absolutely no regrets .


Don't ever feel pressured into it just because everyone else does it, you do it when its right for you and you are in a loving relationship.

 

[bubbatd]

:hail: It's good to wait !!! Boys talk too much amongst themselves !!! The stories I heard from my brother and his friends and I knew every girl they were talking about ! Everytime I saw the girls , I could only picture what I over heard !

 

[Squishy22]

Reggin, you need to refrain from making very broad assumptions and stating them as facts.

From what I understand, we know a lot about the structure of the brain, but this does not necessarily tell us more about functions of the brain. Yes, I think it is common that teenagers take more risks because of the immaturity of their frontal cortex, because that is where the brain reflects on things and reasons in regard of certain behaviors. But just saying that "the brain is not fully matured" by age so and so and that is why teenagers behave a certain way they do cannot be said like that because it is way more complicated.

Plus, from what I remember, experts have said that brains do not fully mature until the mid 20's. So scratch the 17 or 18. And then there are so many factors that come into play on an individual level.... I think it really depends on the person.

I've seen the studies, but I guess they are all false? I think age does matter when it comes to brain development. I still feel the way I do regardless, and I am allowed to have my own opinion like everyone else. But its funny when you dont have the popular opinion so there for you are wrong.

 

[Squishy22]

perhaps I can't stop Hannah from dating boys... but I also won't be tolerating a boy driving up and honking for her to come out. If he comes to pick her up he can come to the door and meet us.... and see my husband cleaning his guns LOL

My job is to be her parent... NOT her friend... that comes later. I am not foolish enough to think I will have total control over Hannah at 16 but I'm also not going to walk on eggshells so that she doesn't "hate me"

And this is exactly how I feel. I am a mother and I have a job to do, whether my daughter dislikes me or not. Its called tough love. I am there to look out for her and set boundaries. I dont care how old or young her "boyfriend" may be. If I feel he is shady and has no respect, then he is a goner. THAT is the bottom line.

 

[CharlieDog]

No need to get snarky. You're just making very broad assumptions about boys, men and children. Things happen differently for just about everyone. It's hard to quantify that and make FACTS from it. You can't say "All 19 year olds are men." because it's not true. Not all 19 year olds are men. I'd be willing to bet that over HALF of them are still acting like teenagers not matter how "mature" their brains are. They aren't really thinking with their brain at that age anyway.

Now, don't get me wrong, some of them are more mature than their counterparts, and some of them act like 12 year olds, but the majority of them are just boys and they don't have any evil intentions towards your daughter. No matter what type of boys YOU grew up with and HEARD about growing up.

 

[Dakotah]

Ditto CD.

 

[Squishy22]

No need to get snarky. You're just making very broad assumptions about boys, men and children. Things happen differently for just about everyone. It's hard to quantify that and make FACTS from it. You can't say "All 19 year olds are men." because it's not true. Not all 19 year olds are men. I'd be willing to bet that over HALF of them are still acting like teenagers not matter how "mature" their brains are. They aren't really thinking with their brain at that age anyway.

Now, don't get me wrong, some of them are more mature than their counterparts, and some of them act like 12 year olds, but the majority of them are just boys and they don't have any evil intentions towards your daughter. No matter what type of boys YOU grew up with and HEARD about growing up.

Yes, they are young men. Some are less mature than they should be, but yes, they are young men regardless. It all depends on your own definitions. This is my own opinion on the topic. I am not being snarky. I am just trying to explain myself.

Are you saying that a 30 year old is not a man if he is immature? I believe he IS a man, he just doesn't act like it. I know plenty of guys who dont act their age.

In any case, I still think its my job as a parent to look after my daughter instead of setting her loose to do what she wills at the age of 16, and trust me, I am sure there are plenty if 16 year old boys with bad intentions as well. And they would be dealt with.

 

[bubbatd]

Advice to both of you ...it's easier said than done !!! Teenagers can be pig headed and rebellious ! You can't put your foot down and say " You can't date him! " That only makes them sneak and lie . Luckily now my kids appreciate how I handled most things and wonder how I could keep my mouth shut with some of their choices ! If they were picked up with a honk ,,,we'd discuss it later . " My he sure doesn't have much respect for you . He should have come to the door and then open the car door for you . " Thanks God those days are over and I now can be friends with my kids !!!

 

[CharlieDog]

I think after the age of 23 if they aren't acting like grown men, then they are STILL whiny little boys, BUT they are called men because the majority of men at that age have grown up and are acting at least somewhat like adults.

No one was saying let your daughter loose to do what she will as a 16 year old. They WERE saying take it on a case by case basis.

 

[Squishy22]

I think after the age of 23 if they aren't acting like grown men, then they are STILL whiny little boys, BUT they are called men because the majority of men at that age have grown up and are acting at least somewhat like adults.

No one was saying let your daughter loose to do what she will as a 16 year old. They WERE saying take it on a case by case basis.

Well, some said that you cannot control who she dates, so its best to let her do it, and she will learn her lesson. But I think there should be boundaries. And I think a parent should be able to say "no" to a boy that their daughter is wanting to date if he is obviously no good. My father did, and it all worked out well even though I was upset about it.

 

[Punkygirl0101]

I started my period at 16, but I only had 1 period a year until recently. Starting in May of this year I have had a period every month (I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), and the reason I have been having more periods is because I have had some weight loss (Which is kind of a treatment of PCOS).

My brother was dating a 16 year old, when he was 19. He has the mentality of a 16 year old anyway...so its not like he was some pedaphile. 3 years is not that big of a difference. My father was 15 years older than my mom. So when my mom was born, he was 15...which is gross to me. But she was in her late 20s when she met him. I also can never see myself with anyone more than 10 years older than me.

I have spend most of my day around a 19 year old, who happens to be my twin brother. And I can tell you, he is NOT a man. He is very much a teenager, and acts the same way he did when he was 16. Still makes messes and doesn't clean them up, still wants to hang out with his friends 24/7 and not take responsibilities for anything. And ever other 19 year old boys I have met (Other than my gay friend who is like me, we grew up too fast) still act like boys.


What if a 16 year old boy went out with a 13 year old girl? Would that not be wrong because they are both minors? I personally think THAT is wrong..

OR What if a 19 year old girl was dating a 16 year old boy?


My mother is 50,and she hangs out with people in their mid 20s..she just connects better with them. Shes a teenager at heart lol.

All of my guy friends are gay too! (And some of my girl friends are lesbians). That is just who I bonded with!

Why is 18 the lucky number? Because it was chosen many years ago to be the legal age?

Nine-TEEN is still a teenager

 

[sparks19]

I never said that having a teenage daughter would be easy nor would it be easy to enforce the rules. But I have rules... PERIOD. When a boy comes to pick her up and honk I will go to the door and wave him in. Of course... I never had any issues with bringing boys home to my parents. I was happy to bring them home and introduce my parents. My parents weren't "cool" but I loved them and had no reason to hide my b/f's from them.

I will do my best to let Hannah know that she can talk to me about anything just like I could talk to my mom about anything. BUT... she was still my mom and her rules were her rules. I had to follow them or face consequences. I'm not going to shirk my duties as a mother just because Hannah might not like it and MIGHT want to sneak around... if I just stop enforcing the rules the results will be much worse.

That being said.... I am now 27 and my mom is absolutely my best friend (well tied with Brian)... I talk to her every single day... sometimes more than once a day. But she was my mom FIRST

 

[bubbatd]

I was 14 and went out with a 17 yr old crowd . It really depends on the size of your town . There were very few english speaking people in my town and only one english school . My class only had average 6 to 8 students and the boys were none I'd ever date . I was always with older people and matured very early . By the time I was 16 , I had a pretty good head on my shoulders .

 

[Dakotah]

Good post, Punky!

 

[Squishy22]

I never said that having a teenage daughter would be easy nor would it be easy to enforce the rules. But I have rules... PERIOD. When a boy comes to pick her up and honk I will go to the door and wave him in. Of course... I never had any issues with bringing boys home to my parents. I was happy to bring them home and introduce my parents. My parents weren't "cool" but I loved them and had no reason to hide my b/f's from them.

I will do my best to let Hannah know that she can talk to me about anything just like I could talk to my mom about anything. BUT... she was still my mom and her rules were her rules. I had to follow them or face consequences. I'm not going to shirk my duties as a mother just because Hannah might not like it and MIGHT want to sneak around... if I just stop enforcing the rules the results will be much worse.

That being said.... I am now 27 and my mom is absolutely my best friend (well tied with Brian)... I talk to her every single day... sometimes more than once a day. But she was my mom FIRST

Again... my thoughts exactly. To be truthful, I think its ridiculous to let your daughter date who she pleases because she will sneak around anyway. I mean what kind of message are you sending your daughter when you do something like that?

 

[sparks19]

Again... my thoughts exactly. To be truthful, I think its ridiculous to let your daughter date who she pleases because she will sneak around anyway. I mean what kind of message are you sending your daughter when you do something like that?

exactly... I mean don't get me wrong. I don't believe that she is going to take it with a smile and she will probably try to sneak around but when she gets caught she will face the consequences... but that is not reason enough for me to just not enforce any rules