Do you want kids?

My parents didn't believe in co sleeping because they thought that it encourages dependance.

Plus I never remembered wanting to co sleep ... I liked having my own room and my own space.

Wouldn't cosleeping end long before you remembered wanting it one way or another? I think I'm confused.. I thought it was an infant thing?

I wasn't even allowed in my parent's room at night! When I was sick, my mom would come sleep in my room, on my floor. Granted, I keep hearing that I didn't sleep through the night until I was in first or second grade. And I didn't sleep past 7ish am until well into middle school!

I was backward lol, I slept really good til puberty hit ... Then it was like a switch was flicked and I became a raging insomniac lol.

I know some people who co slept til the kids were school age

It is...and many parents do it and dont admit to it lol. I have met many moms who guiltily admit to slipping the baby into their bed like its some horrible thing.

Its fine not too as well, but babies are very used to being very close and attached to mama, co-sleeping is often easier. It tends to go on later in life, but that is dependent on the children. Mine were both moved to their own bed around the time I nightweaned, around 2.

And, I found that building a strong bond (however that looks to you and yours) is the best way to encourage independence.

oh and my mom never really co-slept with us, but if we had a nightmare or were sick etc, yes, nothing better than crawling into parents bed to feel safe and secure for me.

My mom never co-slept, never breast-fed, let us cry it out, etc, etc. Typical hands off old fashioned way of parenting.

If I have kids, I know I'm "crunchy" on some things. Like I really don't want an epidural. I feel like if I have to go 9 months without smoking, drinking, and acting like my body is sacred and holy and never to be tarnished for the sake of the baby....I'm not having it all ruined last minute by some crazy cocktail of drugs. Same with a hospital environment, actually. I wouldn't be comfortable getting ready for this great, awesome experience and at the same time people are yelling and screaming at me to push, or to take the drugs, or hurry up, or have a csection. That sounds entire way too stressful. And it is MY child. *I* want to be the first to see it, hold it, care for it, etc. Not some doctor or nurse I don't know or care about, ya know? I think I would be personally upset if everyone else got to coo and have fun with my baby before ME, the MOTHER.

But other things, like breastfeeding, I'm sorta back and forth on. If it happens, great, if not, well, we tried. I'm not super fearful of the idea of exposing it to various things, either.

It's an individual thing. And then things always don't go the way you want, either, and I'm sure it's hard for some new moms to feel guilty about that sort of thing.

As an infant I slept in my own crib with no issues, but when I reached toddler age until I was about 6, I would fall asleep in my own bed, but sometime in the middle of the night, my big sister and I would pile into my parents bed til morning.


If/when I have kids, co-sleeping would be the first thing I'd try if they had difficulty sleeping alone, but I'd prefer for the baby to sleep in a crib in our room.

Between 2(or was it 3rd?), & 7th grade, I had, horrible insomnia. It would take me 3-5 hours a night to get sleep. Couldn't take any meds for that, because I was already on two meds for something else.


Yea, me too. I have queen sized bed, & I still don't want anyone sleeping in my bed. I want space when I sleep.


As for me wanting kids? No, I'm not interested in having kids right now, not a fan of kids, really.I'm still in HS, so I do have time to think about it.

Yep. Though, if we got sick, we yelled for mom and hope she'd wake up. Cause if my dad did, he'd just tell us to clean up our own mess

Apparently all three of us kids woke up before 7am every day, except Christmas. Christmas we would all sleep past noon, no matter how hard my parents tried to wake us up. LOL

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that *most* hospitals are not like this. I had Falon in a hospital and my experience was fantastic and frankly I don't think what you're describing is the norm. No one yelled or screamed, I asked for an epidural when I was ready (after 12 hours of laboring with no meds), and as soon as Falon was out they put her right on me. I was the first one to hold her.

It's cool if you don't want to go the hospital route but if this is really what's holding you back I think you should look into it a little more. And when/if the time comes tour a couple different hospitals.

Eh, from everyone I talked to, my birth experience (very nice and not pushy nurses, lots of time to make decisions, being treated as an informed patient, etc) is not the norm in most hospitals and many places. It is very dependent on the hospital and staff for sure.

A local hospital that is probably the biggest birth hospital in the area...shudder...everyone I know who birthed there had horrible experiences. Very pushy, very much on a timetable and wanting things done by the clock, not by how its actually going. They treat a lot of high risk..which is awesome. But they kind of end up treating EVERYONE like they are high risk and push a lot of interventions, etc. I mean, just looking at the US c-section rate vs the recommendation by the WHO, obviously in general there are some issues with birth and hospitals. Most still tend to fall on the side of pregnancy and labor being something to fix.

Again, my hospital experiences were great, but I researched hard and long before picking my OB and hospital, had a doula with me, and lucked on with the nurses on staff when I went in.

(and actully, the first one was not great...my ob was, the labor nurse was (she was too busy and I hardly saw her lol), but there were issues postpartum and they were pushy and made things harder. Almost ruined our nursing relationship by going my numbers and schedules vs needs of baby etc...but this was over Christmas so I gave them a break assuming short staffed and worn out from all the pre-Christmas inductions)

Agreed. And honestly, more commonly than not, from what I've heard, mom is the FIRST person to hold baby, the pull em out and plop em on your chest. (unless, goodness forbid, something is wrong)

I would 100% have my baby in the hospital. I want the backup, the care, the surgeons, the "just in case", the people etc..
then again, I would also 100% vaccinate and not co-sleep. sooooo..

My birthing experience in the hospital was also an excellent one. Very relaxed, no pressure and the nurses and my OB were so kind.

Doc asked if I wanted Hannah in my arms as soon as she was out. I said yes but when she arrived, the umbilical cord was so short that they couldn't get her up there. Doc said it was the shortest cord he'd ever seen.

I'm just clicking on this thread for the first time today, so I'm going back to the initial question that spawned it -- it's been on my mind a lot lately.

Basically, I'm 30, I'm married, I own a house and my husband and I have stable jobs and we have no concerns about money. It sort of feels like this is the time to start thinking about kid(s). But... ugh. I don't know.

My husband wants at least one kid. We've decided to talk about the logistics of actually caring for a child later this year or early next. I'd always sort of imagined myself with a kid but... I guess I always sort of assumed that I'd wake up one day with a burning desire to procreate and that certainly hasn't happened.

My parents had me rather late (they were both 35 when they had me) and apparently they didn't much care for kids until they actually had a kid. So maybe getting pregnant will actually change my outlook (but boy, that seems like a pretty important thing to try and hinge on a "maybe"). They both also died relatively young. Their deaths aren't a huge factor in my desire to have kids, but it probably plays into my reticence in some way. My husband also pointed out that each time he brings up kids, I constantly focus in on the negative issues at play. I fear for the lack of freedom and immense responsibility and am concerned that the positive aspects of a child won't outweigh them.

I imagine that in a few years time I'll find myself with a kid, and I'll love it deeply. But I just can't imagine waking up one day and saying "yes, now is the time to have a child". How do people tend to handle this sort of thing?

I'm having my baby in a birthing center because I don't want to be added to the c-section statistics unless absolutely necessary. Over 33% women in the USA have c-sections.... that's 1 in every 3 births.

Back in 1965 the c-section rate was 4.5%. There is no reason that evolution has made women unable to deliver children naturally in less than 50 years.

From all of the research I've done, medical intervention (including induction, epidurals, pain meds via IV) increase the likelihood of needing a c-section. In most hospital settings, you labor on your back which goes completely against gravity.

At my birthing center, not a single women in the past couple of years has needed a c-section. The hospital is 800 feet away from the door, and only one baby (in years) needed to be rushed over to the NICU. Everyone is required to take natural birthing classes in order to learn calming techniques during labor. You can labor however you want, whether it's in a tub or with a birthing ball.

I'm not at all what you'd call a "crunchy" type. I am having my baby in a birthing center because I don't want a c-section unless it's absolutely necessary (not "necessary" according to a doctor who does them 33% of the time). I don't want to not "labor fast enough" and then have pitocin stuck in my IV. Speaking of IVs, I don't want an IV unless I actually need fluids.

I feel everyone who ends up having a c-section considers themselves "high risk" and it happened because it "had to." A third of the population of women having babies are NOT high risk... it's just not physically possible. There are major flaws in (most) hospital births that would need to be fixed before I would ever volunteer myself for a birth at one.

ETA: The USA has a higher rate of maternal deaths than many other developed countries with much lower c-section rates. For instance, Japan has a 17% c-section rate, but only 5/1000 woman die every year during birth versus 21/1000 for women in the USA. Iceland has a 15% c-section rate, and 5/1000 maternal deaths.

I had two great hospital births. Both were fast and easy. If I had a third I am not really sure what I would do. A home birth could be nice but I am not 100% set on I must experience that

Where would one go about finding a birthing center like you're using?

I have my eye on one of the only birth centers in my state - it's 40 mins away (ugh) and I found it by just googling my state and birth center. I'll do more indepth research on the birth center and local hospitals once we are actively trying to conceive. lol

Home birth is illegal in my state (ugh), but I'm planning to have a midwife regardless of where I birth, unless I'm labelled high risk.

Our son was born on the 11th. We had planned the birthing center, but after the water broke on wednesday and she was in labor 15 minutes after that, all day Thursday and by friday morning, still nothing, the midwife transferred us to the Hospital and suggested pitocin to move things a long

By 9 that night my wife was still a trooper, but still nothing was moving. The doctor was pushing for a c-section and she wouldn't quit. She started getting combative with my wife who'd been in labor for the better part of 3 days and under the influence of pitocin for 11 hours, what she didn't realize is how strong my wife is

You could see the open mouth gasps by everyone in the room when my wife told her thank you for her opinion, but no thanks. You could tell the Dr. was not used to being stood up to and she certainly didn't back down easily.

I'm very grateful our midwife was there thru the entire process and thankful my wife requested a 2nd opinion from another dr. he came in, said everything was fine, and it was, it just wasn't going as fast as the previous dr wanted, but we, and most importantly my wife, wanted to take the time. C-sections certainly aren't without their drawbacks and that early exposure to narcotics isn't exactly something to just shrug off. If it's necessary, it's necessary. When it's not, it's not.

I thought it was great there was a resident doc there as well and he saw the whole thing and how birthing by their little timetable isn't always the way it has to be. I hope that experience sticks with him when he is leading up the deliveries some day.

anyway, 5:58 on Saturday morning Eli was born, happy, healthy, and awesome

Take home message. Having the plan is great, but you must remain strong. If we hadn't had our midwife there, I'm not sure how things would have gone. Probably ended up in a c-section and we're not easily convinced of anything and fairly well educated in our decisions. But not ever having gone thru it and I can't explain how vulnerable you feel at that moment, it's something you just have to experience, I"m not sure we would have had the conviction or confidence to tell the doctor "No" if our midwife wasn't there with us.

But as it turned out, we stuck to our plan the best we could, and thankfully we had 30 years of delivering babies naturally to listen to because we were both a little out of our element

as for other things in this thread, i never thought I'd be particularly fond of newborns. I love kids, have always loved kids. Most seem to like me back and I always get them in trouble from their parents because we get a little rowdy. But newborns? thought it was something to get thru.

I can't even describe how incredible it feels to hold our baby. I really can't.

We'll see what the rest brings. We have our ideas and plans and like everything else, we remain flexible when it makes sense to be so.

As for my childhood. I have one brother and a shitload of cousins our extended family is closer than a lot of brother/sister relationships. I've hated them all and loved them at the same time. Never would I want those experiences to be different. Sharing a bedroom with a brother till I graduated high school sucked. Having a brother to do stuff with all those years was awesome. Having someone that knows you that well as an adult and where you came from is invaluable today.