I think he is cheating...
- Thread starter AmberwayGSD
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I wouldn't marry the guy at all. You don't trust him (can't blame you). Without trust you can't have a healthy relationship. Personally, I would have dumped the guy the first time he cheated.
German Shep. gurl...forgot your real name...you said something about not being pretty enough at the beginning of this thread. Please don't take offense at this but in terms of looks...you are a goddess compared to your boyfriend. You are nice looking and he is....well, ummm...you get the idea.
Jessie
German Shep. gurl...forgot your real name...you said something about not being pretty enough at the beginning of this thread. Please don't take offense at this but in terms of looks...you are a goddess compared to your boyfriend. You are nice looking and he is....well, ummm...you get the idea.
Jessie
Y
You will not be alone, you come to my place. Ok sorry sex is out of the question, I got my own man but you can talk with me and enjoy your own life. Find someone who loves you and does not hurt you on a daily basis.
I just think Norm needs a wake up call and that would bring him around. He seems to be more on an individual basis rather than a team.
I just think Norm needs a wake up call and that would bring him around. He seems to be more on an individual basis rather than a team.
I can't tell you what to do as you need to make up your own mind and know your situation. I was divorced after 20 years of marriage and thought the world would end, but that was 3 years ago and the world is still here and so am I. I have a girlfriend who is staying married for the sake of her 2 kids and lives for the day she they are older and she can get divorced to get on with her life (her husband still has his girlfriend on the side). Life is too short, you need to do what's best for you and your child. My "x" I found out cheated on me for a long time; if I had only known sooner, I would have been out of that marriage that much sooner. I want a fulltime husband I can always trust, not a parttime one.
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ok, I am going to get thown off this board for this...
I want to shake you and tell you that you need to wake up! I have been with my DH for 20 years, married 15. NEVEr in that time has he needed to go for a drive, taken secret calls or wanted to quit a job to not suport us.
Frankly he dosen't want to get arried either! if he did he would. No man (lets face it form those of us married) wants to go through the expence or harassment of a big wedding....I just don't buy it and neither should you. that he will when you get the money, it is a delay for as long as you will buy into it and it seems you have.
I also have the feeling you are trying to convince yourself you love him and he loves you. I think you are scared to move on and find happiness for you and your daughter. if you are not happy and taking care of you, you can not take care of your daugher, and what is wrong with public asstance for the short term to get on your feet and get this guy to buck up to the baby and his responsability? It sounds to me that he is trying to push you out in a cowedly way. He should go if he does not want to be there.
Sex 4 x a day is not about loving you it is about self satisfaction and control. If you are in his bed and taking care of the baby, when will you possibly find time to do ANYTHING else feel good about you and find who you are and what your role in this world will be?
Please wake up, go visit Yuck for a few days, get yourself together and figure out what you want out of life instead of waiting for this man to decide for you.
Ok off my soap box it was nice getting to know you all.
I want to shake you and tell you that you need to wake up! I have been with my DH for 20 years, married 15. NEVEr in that time has he needed to go for a drive, taken secret calls or wanted to quit a job to not suport us.
Frankly he dosen't want to get arried either! if he did he would. No man (lets face it form those of us married) wants to go through the expence or harassment of a big wedding....I just don't buy it and neither should you. that he will when you get the money, it is a delay for as long as you will buy into it and it seems you have.
I also have the feeling you are trying to convince yourself you love him and he loves you. I think you are scared to move on and find happiness for you and your daughter. if you are not happy and taking care of you, you can not take care of your daugher, and what is wrong with public asstance for the short term to get on your feet and get this guy to buck up to the baby and his responsability? It sounds to me that he is trying to push you out in a cowedly way. He should go if he does not want to be there.
Sex 4 x a day is not about loving you it is about self satisfaction and control. If you are in his bed and taking care of the baby, when will you possibly find time to do ANYTHING else feel good about you and find who you are and what your role in this world will be?
Please wake up, go visit Yuck for a few days, get yourself together and figure out what you want out of life instead of waiting for this man to decide for you.
Ok off my soap box it was nice getting to know you all.
No one can make a choice for you. All we can do is give our advice and/or share our experiences.
I was with my daughter's father for over 7 yrs. Yes, I loved him (started dating him at 16 yo) and he loved the fact that he was able to say he had me and a beautiful daughter. Yes, he brought home a paycheck. That was the extent of him actually being an active participant in our "family". He sold my car (that I bought b4 we were married) so I was without my own transportation. I worked and had to take the bus to the babysitter & then to work every day. He never lifted a finger in the house. He was always spending time with his friends. He was very controlling. I found that my unhappiness with him was starting to affect my relationship with my daughter, through no fault of hers. That was when I decided enough was enough. Scary - yes! Did he threaten to take my daughter? Yes. Was my family supportive? No, they didn't believe he was abusive emotionally or on rare occasion physically. Did his mother threaten to take my daughter? Yes. Were they successful? Not even close! Could I do it on my own? I didn't think so. Was it hard? Yes! Was it worth it? Absolutely! 6 months later I found out he was marrying a gal who he had been seeing for over a year - and I didn't have a clue that he had been cheating. I wish I had - I'm sure it would have helped me make my decision to split from him alot sooner.
2 years later I met a fantastic man. To him my daughter & I were what made each day wonderful. The next 27 years were heavenly and completely opposite from what I had experienced in my 1st marriage.
If you honestly feel your relationship is strong & committed on both sides, fight for it. But it has to be a 2-way street. You & your daughter must be on the receiving end of his love and devotion. You & your daughter being "his" isn't what should be important to him - your feelings and how he can make you & your daughter happy and feel loved is what should be important to him. Just as how you want him to feel loved & be happy. In my opinion getting married should only be done if you honestly feel your relationship is that strong - getting married won't accomplish that if it isn't there.
I was with my daughter's father for over 7 yrs. Yes, I loved him (started dating him at 16 yo) and he loved the fact that he was able to say he had me and a beautiful daughter. Yes, he brought home a paycheck. That was the extent of him actually being an active participant in our "family". He sold my car (that I bought b4 we were married) so I was without my own transportation. I worked and had to take the bus to the babysitter & then to work every day. He never lifted a finger in the house. He was always spending time with his friends. He was very controlling. I found that my unhappiness with him was starting to affect my relationship with my daughter, through no fault of hers. That was when I decided enough was enough. Scary - yes! Did he threaten to take my daughter? Yes. Was my family supportive? No, they didn't believe he was abusive emotionally or on rare occasion physically. Did his mother threaten to take my daughter? Yes. Were they successful? Not even close! Could I do it on my own? I didn't think so. Was it hard? Yes! Was it worth it? Absolutely! 6 months later I found out he was marrying a gal who he had been seeing for over a year - and I didn't have a clue that he had been cheating. I wish I had - I'm sure it would have helped me make my decision to split from him alot sooner.
2 years later I met a fantastic man. To him my daughter & I were what made each day wonderful. The next 27 years were heavenly and completely opposite from what I had experienced in my 1st marriage.
If you honestly feel your relationship is strong & committed on both sides, fight for it. But it has to be a 2-way street. You & your daughter must be on the receiving end of his love and devotion. You & your daughter being "his" isn't what should be important to him - your feelings and how he can make you & your daughter happy and feel loved is what should be important to him. Just as how you want him to feel loved & be happy. In my opinion getting married should only be done if you honestly feel your relationship is that strong - getting married won't accomplish that if it isn't there.
all Im gonna say, is it might sound harsh, but your not being strong. You are saying all the things he'll do if you leave, and all the things he'll do if you stay. When it comes down to it, you have to make a decision, he can only say, given the circumstances what we think you should do, you have to decide. Maybe he won't pay child support if you leave, but you do kknow there is such thing as court, and do you really think he'll do that, or was he just saying it out of anger, if you think he's serious you should know the answer already. You are in a tough circumstance, but I am glad you are not in a abusive relationship. I know you may not think i know because Im 17, but like many people i have been in scary relationships, and i had to figure them out on my own. -Which I thinkk is the best, really.
It shouldnt matter if you put on weight, or if you dont look 20 anymore(in my opinion) he should love you for who you are..(corny i know)
It shouldnt matter if you put on weight, or if you dont look 20 anymore(in my opinion) he should love you for who you are..(corny i know)
You've been given some wonderful advice, I hope you will give some serious thought to it.
My ex played mind games. He was simply a jerk. If I wore makeup I was accused of slipping around, if I didnt wear makeup I was told I didnt care about myself. If I spoke to his friends I was flirting, if I didnt I was a female dog. You get the picture. When our daughter got christmas toys he didnt want her to play with them because they looked nice under the tree, or he'd want them put on a shelf because someday they might be worth something. We'd fight all the time. I was not about to tell a 3 year old she cant play with her toys! Finally I had enough. I was pregnant, and decided I have to get my babies away from his cruel mind. SO I left.
Here is how big of a jerk he really is/was. When I had my baby I had alot of problems. I was in and out of it but was with it long enough to tell the nurses and the doctor not to let him take my baby. Then 3 surguries later I woke up in a hospital a hour away from my new born baby. After 10 days I was going home to my 3 year old, and first stop to the hospital to meet my baby for the first time and bring her home. He called me on the phone at the hospital telling me he felt like I should bring the baby to his parents house to spend the day with them because he wasnt able to visit her in the hospital but twice. I told him no. I have never seen my baby, she's coming home with me. He went on and on about how selfish I was. I was emotional enough the way it was, missed my 3 year old, excited to meet my baby, sore, ect. He had me crying! Then my parents came in. I think Dad could have attacked him had he been face to face with him.
I got a great surprise after I left him. His father told me I did the right thing. And to this day I am still do things with his parents, and very much a part of their life, just not his. I have no use for him and neither do his children. I hope your husband isnt as mad as that. My thought was I'd rather be poor and happy than to have my children mistreated and miserable. If you and he fight alot that isnt good for your daughter. If you are unhappy it will affect your daughter. Dont stay because you dont know how to make it on your own without him. Yuckaduck is nearby, she would help you. Please give these replys some serious thought. You arent alone.
My ex played mind games. He was simply a jerk. If I wore makeup I was accused of slipping around, if I didnt wear makeup I was told I didnt care about myself. If I spoke to his friends I was flirting, if I didnt I was a female dog. You get the picture. When our daughter got christmas toys he didnt want her to play with them because they looked nice under the tree, or he'd want them put on a shelf because someday they might be worth something. We'd fight all the time. I was not about to tell a 3 year old she cant play with her toys! Finally I had enough. I was pregnant, and decided I have to get my babies away from his cruel mind. SO I left.
Here is how big of a jerk he really is/was. When I had my baby I had alot of problems. I was in and out of it but was with it long enough to tell the nurses and the doctor not to let him take my baby. Then 3 surguries later I woke up in a hospital a hour away from my new born baby. After 10 days I was going home to my 3 year old, and first stop to the hospital to meet my baby for the first time and bring her home. He called me on the phone at the hospital telling me he felt like I should bring the baby to his parents house to spend the day with them because he wasnt able to visit her in the hospital but twice. I told him no. I have never seen my baby, she's coming home with me. He went on and on about how selfish I was. I was emotional enough the way it was, missed my 3 year old, excited to meet my baby, sore, ect. He had me crying! Then my parents came in. I think Dad could have attacked him had he been face to face with him.
I got a great surprise after I left him. His father told me I did the right thing. And to this day I am still do things with his parents, and very much a part of their life, just not his. I have no use for him and neither do his children. I hope your husband isnt as mad as that. My thought was I'd rather be poor and happy than to have my children mistreated and miserable. If you and he fight alot that isnt good for your daughter. If you are unhappy it will affect your daughter. Dont stay because you dont know how to make it on your own without him. Yuckaduck is nearby, she would help you. Please give these replys some serious thought. You arent alone.
Y
Well about 8 hours drive but I would for sure help you. Tell me and I will make arrangements to come and get you. No problem just tell me and I am there in 8 hours. Do not stay unless it is right for you, but I think it is a decision that only you can make. I will always be there for you no matter what decision you make or when you make it.
I know everyone is here for me Thanks everybody.He agreed to go to my church so get some concilling.Its free and he is nice,he is young so easier to talk to than some.I will write down Pros and Cons of our realationship as well.The minister also gives worksheets too which is fun.We will try and make it work if not than I will do what is best for me and our child.Heather if I need ya I will e-mail you.Thats a little far to expect you to come though.Plus I cant drive yet lol.I am going to go for my lisence this winter though.Norm says he will pay for it all I have to do is study the book.