I dont want to hurt him.... but I cant do this anymore... :(

[Mayasmydobe]

He's in Iraq...we talk alot... flirt alot....
I think he honestly believes we could be together, but... it not possible.
He lives in Chicago, I am not moving there and I cannot ask him to move back here when he's done...
When he's done in Iraq he comes home for a little while and then goes to hawaii for abot another year... maybe more... I cant do that...


I dont know what to do, I dont want to hurt him... I dont want to hurt me but eitherway... we are both going to get hurt... either now or further on down the road when it doesnt work...

I just feel like such a creep... he's fighting a war and Im about to hurt him...

sorry if this doesnt make sense... nothing makes sense to me right now and i just needed to vent...

 

[Labyrinth]

I understand how you feel, and you have to do what is right for you. I don't have any advice on how to make it any easier for either of you though

 

[Mayasmydobe]

update:--- I talked to Kyle last night about this whole situation. (Kyle's not the one that I am about to hurt... Jim is)
I explained the whole situation to Kyle and he agreed with me. It's best to have just a clean break, it'll hurt Jim worse.
Jim is goin to call her any time between now and in a couple hours... my phone is turned off becuase I am just not ready to talk to him, i need to think.

I suppose I should explain things here so your not in the dark on this.

Jim is a friend of mine in the Marines. There has alwas been romantic tension between us, but he has hurt me twice. SOO...we are friends, but things have slowely turned into us back in full on flirt mode... well... yesterday he said something that really made me think... he told me that he wants a future with me... he said "I cant wait to get back home. I am going to try to get custody of my daughter. You would be such a better mother for her" OMG uhmmm NO!!! Our relationship could NEVER work... there is no FUTURE for us... just the now and while I do like the way things are now, I know that he's starting to think long-term and I am not. First off, his family is in Chicago.... I am not willing to relocate and its not right for me to ask him to relocate. but the other main reason I have to hurt him is that, if I could choose between Jim and Kyle.... I would pick Kyle, hands down... Jim may be in my heart, but Kyle HAS my heart, ya know?

any advice you have would be SOOOOO appreciated

 

[CaliTerp07]

These are just my opinions, and I was never a super-pro-dater, so take them with a grain of salt...

1) I wouldn't talk to Kyle about Jim anymore. If you really love Kyle, it's not fair to him to hear you talk about "I'm torn about what to do with Jim...we've been flirting but I only like him a little...etc" Kyle needs to be the center of your romantic world. Even if you aren't dating Kyle (I don't know what the relationship is like there), I still wouldn't bring up Jim. It's just going to cause trouble; I don't see how any good could come of it.

2) It sounds like you just need to talk to Jim. Send him an email or a letter, as it will be a lot easier to get your thoughts together when you aren't being rushed through a quick phone call. Then talk to him after he reads the message, if you need to. I would simply say, "Jim, you are a great friend, but that's what you are and what I hope you always will be. We had chances together and things didn't work, and for my sake I would appreciate it if we left things platonic and didn't bring it up anymore". That's not a break up. You aren't dating. It's just re-establishing boundaries.

3) STOP FLIRTING. It's not fair to anyone in the situation--Kyle, Jim, or you. If you have to stop talking to him for a little while, so be it. He is a big boy.

 

[Mayasmydobe]

Thanks