Haha you could be describing hubby and I back when we were dating.
At one point we had to have a sitdown chat about how I am a person who needs solo time to recharge and that it's not a reflection on anyone whose company I'm turning down. And just explained that if I don't get that time, I get irritable and snappy and the last thing I wanted to do is to hurt our relationship because of it.
He didn't like it at first but thought about it and and tried giving me space and I guess at some point realized that giving me alone time actually meant we had more fun when we were together. And since we ended up getting married I'm really glad we worked this out while we were dating...it's wonderful to get home from a long day and know that I can just ask and be left alone for a while if I need it to unwind. He of course has the same option, though he rarely invokes it.
I really hope this is something we can talk/work through.
I have TRIED explaining to him that his behavior is making me want to push him away even MORE but I just need to make it more clear because he really isn't getting it.
For example. I switched phones recently (got a new iphone) and there was like a day (basically like 6 hours) where at&t was switching and my new phone was dead so I had to wait to go home and charge my new phone to use it.
I charge up my new phone and have 12 missed calls. All from him.
Not to MENTION the text messages "Where are you?" "Are you ok?" "Call me" " Are you mad?" "Oh god where are you?" "please text me when you get this.. I'm worried"
...I DIDN'T HAVE A PHONE FOR A DAY.
1 DAY.
and maybe this is an anxiety issue but I swear sometimes the more he calls me the less I want to talk to him.
I used to LOVE our nightly phone calls/talking to him before bed but he puts so much PRESSURE ON IT now. "When are you going home?" "Are you done studying?" "don't forget to call me before bed!" Dammit. Now it's not even fun anymore. It feels like a CHORE.
and he ALWAYS thinks I'm mad at him or "in a mood" when I'm snappy but really it's just that I haven't had any time to myself.
He needs to stop asking me where I am/how I am/what I'm up to 20 times a day. When I have a real conversation with you later, I will tell you. This running text dialogue just makes you EXHAUSTING and makes our relationship feel like a long chore/interview
If I ignore one text/call.. don't text/call again.
Don't just show up at my apartment. I mean..rarely..it's fine. but still, as a rule, call first.
Keep in touch without SMOTHERING. I don't have time to miss you if you are ALWAYS THERE.
I don't want to hurt him or make him not talk to me.. I just.. I dunno..want him to be close but not CLING
he is so awesome in so many other ways.
He is academically driven, he is going to be a surgeon. He loves dogs and has his own who he adores.
He is hot. He has muscles and that beef cut thing and does martial arts and has perfect blonde hair and bone structure and all my friends think I'm nuts for complaining about my hot boyfriend who "just wants to be closer to me" but dammit it's ANNOYING
Wow that felt good.