Why don't you just get a job?
I freaking love Charlie. LOOOOOOOOVE him.
One of the most annoying ones I get is, "you have so many tattoos, won't you regret them when you are older?"
I always tell people that if my tattoos are my biggest regret, then I lived a pretty good life.
"Can you be less gay? Like, just for a little while? Just don't flaunt if because... well, you know..."
No problem, I'll just tell my date to forget about it.
"Your veganism is a choice, you shouldn't force it on people."
You are absolutely right, it is a choice, but my choosing to bring a vegan side dish is not me forcing it on you. Apples are vegan, do you not eat apples?
"Your dad/brother/uncle/relative is a weirdo/screw up/freak/poser."
What, what, and more what? Why are you telling me this? I don't give a rats ass what you think of them. It's not because I like them more than you, it's because this comment is so totally out of place and disrespectful, and puts me in an awkward position. We are not so close that you can say sh!t like this.
EDIT:
"Is it your time of the month?"
One day I just want to be like "I was born without a uterus asshole!!" My emotional state is not dependent on my period. I know some women do have serious hormonal/emotional issues with their period, but I do not. And when I kick you in the ass, it's not because I'm "riding the crimson wave" it's because you are a ****tard.
Also, jokes that a female President couldn't do the job right because she'd be deploying nukes once a month will get you strangled.
Drew Peterson talking about his wife asking for a divorce because of her menstrual cycle. I wanted to kill him. What an effed up thing to say.