Random Baby Urges?
- Thread starter sillysally
- Start date
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2012
- Messages
- 886
- Likes
- 0
- Points
- 0
While I don't hold that kind of resentment for my animals, I am much more easily annoyed by things they do post-baby. And I know without question that the level of care and attention that I'm giving them is not the same. Here's what I wrote about it on another forum:
Hoo boy.
Before I had Everleigh, I never would have understood that article. But, coming from someone who loves my animals unconditionally, no matter how much I want to deny it, I feel differently about them since having her.
Obi has been fantastic, but it's really really hard having a high-maintenance baby and trying to provide the same level of care and attention I gave him before the baby was here is impossible. I'm REALLY glad I did so much prep work with him-- getting him used to shorter, less frequent walks, teaching him to entertain and calm himself, brushing up on his manners because its helped him adjust tremendously.
But right now, just trying to take him for a decent walk is difficult. When I'm by myself, my options are putting baby in her stroller and trying to rush around the block before she has a meltdown, baby-wear her if it's not too sunny and hot or too windy or too cold, or wait until my husband gets home and rock, paper, scissors to decide who walks him and who deals with the fussy baby.
And the dog/cat hair is an annoyance factor. All of her tummy time has to be on a bed/couch because he and the cats shed SO MUCH! It's fine now but when she starts rolling over, it will be dangerous. I vacuum once a day if I can.
One of my cats snots everywhere. It's awful. We keep the baby's room closed off so we have at least one space where I don't risk setting the baby down in cat snot.
And, most importantly, a new baby affects the pets too. My boy cat has started over grooming (although he started while I was still pregnant, not just since baby got here).
Up until I have birth, I swore up and down that nothing would ever make me love my pets less. And I don't love them less, but having a baby is so huge, that the love you have for your pets seems different, even if it's just in comparison. I do my best to do right by all three of the critters but it IS hard.
You're running on no sleep, your life just took a major paradigm shift, you are trying to learn how to look after a newborn and still eat, shower and pee, your hormones are completely out of whack, you need to do everything with one hand because you're always holding a baby in the other, your marriage changes completely and you don't even have time to remember what being a couple is and you just wish the animals were a little more self-reliant because an infant is SO needy that it's hard to cope with anyone else needing you.
So while I think this article points out how sad it can be for a pet in a chaotic home, I think it shows the brutally honest truth, without mentioning any if the good parts.
Everleigh smiles at the boy cat (she likes his contrasting grey and white face), girl cat likes to rub her head against the baby's while she's nursing and today she looked into Obi's face while he was trying to lick hers. Those moments are why, despite the fact that it breaks my heart to think I might love them less, I wouldn't trade any of them for the world.
Hoo boy.
Before I had Everleigh, I never would have understood that article. But, coming from someone who loves my animals unconditionally, no matter how much I want to deny it, I feel differently about them since having her.
Obi has been fantastic, but it's really really hard having a high-maintenance baby and trying to provide the same level of care and attention I gave him before the baby was here is impossible. I'm REALLY glad I did so much prep work with him-- getting him used to shorter, less frequent walks, teaching him to entertain and calm himself, brushing up on his manners because its helped him adjust tremendously.
But right now, just trying to take him for a decent walk is difficult. When I'm by myself, my options are putting baby in her stroller and trying to rush around the block before she has a meltdown, baby-wear her if it's not too sunny and hot or too windy or too cold, or wait until my husband gets home and rock, paper, scissors to decide who walks him and who deals with the fussy baby.
And the dog/cat hair is an annoyance factor. All of her tummy time has to be on a bed/couch because he and the cats shed SO MUCH! It's fine now but when she starts rolling over, it will be dangerous. I vacuum once a day if I can.
One of my cats snots everywhere. It's awful. We keep the baby's room closed off so we have at least one space where I don't risk setting the baby down in cat snot.
And, most importantly, a new baby affects the pets too. My boy cat has started over grooming (although he started while I was still pregnant, not just since baby got here).
Up until I have birth, I swore up and down that nothing would ever make me love my pets less. And I don't love them less, but having a baby is so huge, that the love you have for your pets seems different, even if it's just in comparison. I do my best to do right by all three of the critters but it IS hard.
You're running on no sleep, your life just took a major paradigm shift, you are trying to learn how to look after a newborn and still eat, shower and pee, your hormones are completely out of whack, you need to do everything with one hand because you're always holding a baby in the other, your marriage changes completely and you don't even have time to remember what being a couple is and you just wish the animals were a little more self-reliant because an infant is SO needy that it's hard to cope with anyone else needing you.
So while I think this article points out how sad it can be for a pet in a chaotic home, I think it shows the brutally honest truth, without mentioning any if the good parts.
Everleigh smiles at the boy cat (she likes his contrasting grey and white face), girl cat likes to rub her head against the baby's while she's nursing and today she looked into Obi's face while he was trying to lick hers. Those moments are why, despite the fact that it breaks my heart to think I might love them less, I wouldn't trade any of them for the world.
I see (and read) a lot of this once folks get like this once they have a baby & have even short term fostered a couple of animals who came from situations like this & it makes me sad (and honestly as someone actively involved in rescue, a little irritated) to hear someone posting about how they hate the things their dogs so since having a child.
Yes I agre that there are situations where it would not be fair to the dog to stay I the home, BUT I also think that a lot of people "jump the gun" so to speak & don't give the dog a chance before saying "it's too much".
I mean with the right guidance, a dog can be an asset to you if you know how to train & motivate them.
I mean with the right guidance, a dog can be an asset to you if you know how to train & motivate them.
I totally get what that article is saying. Now I'm not going to get rid of the dogs and they live a good life but I am more annoyed by certain things now than I may have been before. Like the shedding and the oils on their hair (even with regular bathing... which is not easy with these two. Neither one will get anywhere close to the bathroom so I basically have to tether them to the porch railing and bathe them with the hose because I can't muscle them into the tub and they both HATE baths) causes Hannah to get hives when she sits on the carpet. It's annoying lol. I am also not the best housekeeper so keeping up with their shedding is hard for me lol.
Luckily, my two are not overly active. Belle would be content with a quick romp to chase a squirrel and then back to HER chair and have her food brought to her so she wouldn't ever have to get up lol. We have a nice fenced in yard and we get an array of critters in there so it satisfies her need to flex her instinct (she's killed baby bunnies, snakes, even a ground hog got in once lol and that makes her happy LOL). Beezer wants to just be where ever Brian is and is also not a high energy dog. he is happy knowing he has a home and being Brians shadow. So they aren't really missing out on anything that they really enjoy and they aren't mistreated or neglected in any way BUT there are definitely those days where I think I'd like to get a cat instead or... nothing LOL.
Luckily, my two are not overly active. Belle would be content with a quick romp to chase a squirrel and then back to HER chair and have her food brought to her so she wouldn't ever have to get up lol. We have a nice fenced in yard and we get an array of critters in there so it satisfies her need to flex her instinct (she's killed baby bunnies, snakes, even a ground hog got in once lol and that makes her happy LOL). Beezer wants to just be where ever Brian is and is also not a high energy dog. he is happy knowing he has a home and being Brians shadow. So they aren't really missing out on anything that they really enjoy and they aren't mistreated or neglected in any way BUT there are definitely those days where I think I'd like to get a cat instead or... nothing LOL.
I also blame this thread. 
This is the thing though, for a true dog person this would be temporary (and the dog would not really suffer). Things will change, yes, but there are a lot of positives that come out of it as well. I know my dogs love my children and their relationship makes up for any slights they may get from me...does that make sense?
Being a new mom, yes, I enjoyed my pets less....for a bit. I still loved them however.
Being a new mom, yes, I enjoyed my pets less....for a bit. I still loved them however.
I don't know if I am a true dog person since after these two are gone I am willing to take a break from dogs for a while lol but this is true. I don't hate my dogs, I still love them and they make me laugh with their silly antics but I just find the little annoyances annoy me a little more than they used to... mostly the hair/oils/dander since it negatively affects Hannah's skin.
but to combat that I have to give her meds maybe a little more than I would like to, bathe the dogs, own a carpet cleaner, etc.
However, like it was said above... the little attention they may have lost for me they get in spades from Hannah. Beezer is extremely happy to have someone to follow around who leaves crumbs everywhere or unattended leftovers lol. Belle is happy to have an extra person around so when SHE decides she would like some attention (she is a little more aloof and not an attention ***** like Beezer lol the attention giving comes on her terms lol) she knows Hannah will give it to her if I can't/won't and again... someone to follow around that leaves a trail of crumbs lol.
I think it's different for us though since we didn't do much before Hannah was born and the dogs came into our home when I was pregnant so there wasn't a lot of "pre child" time with them. We don't do dog sports or anything and they've always just kinda been house pets who are happy to take up space on the furniture lol
but to combat that I have to give her meds maybe a little more than I would like to, bathe the dogs, own a carpet cleaner, etc.
However, like it was said above... the little attention they may have lost for me they get in spades from Hannah. Beezer is extremely happy to have someone to follow around who leaves crumbs everywhere or unattended leftovers lol. Belle is happy to have an extra person around so when SHE decides she would like some attention (she is a little more aloof and not an attention ***** like Beezer lol the attention giving comes on her terms lol) she knows Hannah will give it to her if I can't/won't and again... someone to follow around that leaves a trail of crumbs lol.
I think it's different for us though since we didn't do much before Hannah was born and the dogs came into our home when I was pregnant so there wasn't a lot of "pre child" time with them. We don't do dog sports or anything and they've always just kinda been house pets who are happy to take up space on the furniture lol
Honestly.... I work. My dogs don't see me in the day. They hang out with my other half. Kids or not he will always work, they will always trot about with him or hang out in the yard etc.
Evenings we either chill out or walk the dogs.... I would fully intend to buy a sling and off road buggy when the kid is able to go for a short walk, the river is the end of our street...
And weekends we can and do spend down our beach hut, chilling with the dogs. My other half grew up there, there's full amenities, kitchen, bathroom etc... That won't change.
We don't really have a routine to change. They dont get set walks anyway... Or set playtime. We have already said they'd have less attention from us... But Bodhi already gets less since we got Fred.... I know things change but I certainly don't plan on being like in that post!!!
I know plenty of people with babies and dogs who are just A OK.
Evenings we either chill out or walk the dogs.... I would fully intend to buy a sling and off road buggy when the kid is able to go for a short walk, the river is the end of our street...
And weekends we can and do spend down our beach hut, chilling with the dogs. My other half grew up there, there's full amenities, kitchen, bathroom etc... That won't change.
We don't really have a routine to change. They dont get set walks anyway... Or set playtime. We have already said they'd have less attention from us... But Bodhi already gets less since we got Fred.... I know things change but I certainly don't plan on being like in that post!!!
I know plenty of people with babies and dogs who are just A OK.
I think that in some cases, this can be very true!
I always hemmed and hawwed about kids, despite loving being around other kids, which made me think I didn't really want them. Turns out, being with someone who is responsible, smart and loves kids is really making that little inner clock start ticking...
I always hemmed and hawwed about kids, despite loving being around other kids, which made me think I didn't really want them. Turns out, being with someone who is responsible, smart and loves kids is really making that little inner clock start ticking...
I think it's a bit different to say "The baby is the new highest priority" versus "I love the dogs LESS now" or "I don't love my dog anymore," which is what the article says. It's offensive because the way she writes it, she makes it out to be a joke - "It's not that I don't love my dog anymore, I just don't love my dog anymore." That's not funny, it's sad. "It's not that I don't love my kid anymore, I just don't love my kid anymore." "It's not that I don't love my spouse anymore, I just don't love my spouse anymore." Nope. Not funny.
I really don't think in most cases it's "I love the dogs less than I did before" so much as "the baby is the most important priority in my life now." And I don't really think the latter is a wrong way to think about it. I would kinda hope if you produced a tiny human that it would be the most important priority to you...
I really don't think in most cases it's "I love the dogs less than I did before" so much as "the baby is the most important priority in my life now." And I don't really think the latter is a wrong way to think about it. I would kinda hope if you produced a tiny human that it would be the most important priority to you...
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2012
- Messages
- 886
- Likes
- 0
- Points
- 0
I also have to wonder if it's just that as a parent you've developed the strongest kind of love there is (hopefully) and before parenthood it may have seemed like the love for your dog was the strongest love (different than love for a spouse) so maybe it SEEMS like that love feels like you love them less even though it may be the same.
Just pondering.
Just pondering.
Possibly - I wouldn't necessarily say "love less" or anything though. Just different. Like would you say you love your SO more or less than you love your parents? I wouldn't rank the two against each other really, it's just different. I wouldn't also necessarily say that I love Auggie or Payton or Pepper more or less than one another, just different for all of them. I can't imagine if you have multiple kids you love one or the other more/less. Just different.
It's all just plain different. Just my opinion/experience.
Or maybe I just prefer to not pit my feelings for people against each other LOL.
It's all just plain different. Just my opinion/experience.
Or maybe I just prefer to not pit my feelings for people against each other LOL.