Meeting people advice

[Laurelin]

I need ideas. This has never been an area where I've had trouble until recently and I just find myself out of a social loop and feeling a bit lonely.

I graduated late and moved and most my friends moved all over the country and the world. I had a GREAT group of friends I hung out with all the time in high school and a GREAT group of friends in college too. I miss it. I keep up with them on facebook but it's not really the same.

Nowadays I have awesome family I love to see, especially my nieces. I have a great group of co-workers I like hanging out with in the work week. But other than one person on the floor I am the only one that is single and I'm the youngest by quite a bit. so while it's fun to hang out with them, they go home to their husbands and wives and kids and I go home to be alone. They can't really come just hang out after work because they're in a totally different point in their lives than I am. I want to find people that are my age and single that would be able to hang out.

I've tried to go to a couple happy hours and while I have a good time and meet some fun people it's just I find a lot of them are still into the college aged drinking and partying scene and I'm just not into that anymore. I still will go once a month but I really want to find people that want to do more than that. I found an old friend of mine on facebook so I messaged her to see if she'd want to meet up. She's in town and has stayed in town since highschool. I know it could be weird but it's worth a shot. My closest friends that lived here all moved off. My ex BF is in town but I really don't think I want to contact him for various reasons.

In school I met people through class and school clubs and now I'm having a hard time finding out how to meet people now that there's not a school or school clubs to go to.

I'm thinking of trying to get involved in a church singles group to meet people. I'm just not sure how to meet a variety of people and am afraid it could be too religion oriented. I tried the art workshops here and enjoyed them but most the people attending them were 50+ year old women so that's not very helpful. I know PLENTY of people that are a lot older than me.

 

[Zoom]

Church groups, Meetup.com groups...I love meetup.com! The networking groups I found there have been awesome, very sociable.

 

[Laurelin]

Ooh thanks, I haven't even heard of that before!

 

[oakash]

In my opinion, church groups wouldn't be too relioginy. Like, you might find that one 'weird' place where its kinda creepy, but for the most part, they don't try and push it on you.

I'm kind of like you, except I'm way to stinking shy to try and go to meetups or what have you. And I do have a lot of people I know through sports

 

[Brattina88]

I'm in the same boat as you!! (pretty much)

 

[CaliTerp07]

I am SO grateful for my church--it's salvaged my post-college social life. Find one that has an active young adults ministry. Mine has small groups for guys, girls, and married couples. We have ultimate frisbee games, potlucks, service projects, retreats...and you can do as little or as much as you want.

 

[Dakotah]

I definitely agree with Zoom on meetup.com, a friend of mine who is SUPER shy went on there and has meet some amazing, life long friends.

I am a social butterfly, I can walk in Wal-Mart or the mall and have 30 friends by the time I walk out the door lol.
Don't be shy (not sure if shy is the right world here, because you obvisously can make friends, hopefully you understand what I mean), you are a wonderful, beautiful woman.
Go to meetups, find a singles group in your area via facebook, go to different organizations/clubs in your area, etc etc.

 

[Laurelin]

I am SO grateful for my church--it's salvaged my post-college social life. Find one that has an active young adults ministry. Mine has small groups for guys, girls, and married couples. We have ultimate frisbee games, potlucks, service projects, retreats...and you can do as little or as much as you want.

That sounds awesome! I'd love to do all that. I absolutely love the church that my dad and stepmom go to but it's very small and there really is no singles group for young people. There's a small college group then just a small young married couples group of only a few people. I love everything else about it but I really don't feel like I fit there.

I definitely agree with Zoom on meetup.com, a friend of mine who is SUPER shy went on there and has meet some amazing, life long friends.

I am a social butterfly, I can walk in Wal-Mart or the mall and have 30 friends by the time I walk out the door lol.
Don't be shy (not sure if shy is the right world here, because you obvisously can make friends, hopefully you understand what I mean), you are a wonderful, beautiful woman.
Go to meetups, find a singles group in your area via facebook, go to different organizations/clubs in your area, etc etc.

I have no problem talking to people at all. I talk to about everyone and am probably too open sometimes lol. But the problem I'm having now is that I have all these people I talk to and some I talk to a lot but just no central group of really close friends.

I am a little shy when it comes to boys though. I'm not sure if shy is the right word but I feel like I'm always just 'one of the guys' and never dating material. But that's probably a different thread lol.

 

[Dakotah]

I have no problem talking to people at all. I talk to about everyone and am probably too open sometimes lol. But the problem I'm having now is that I have all these people I talk to and some I talk to a lot but just no central group of really close friends.

I am a little shy when it comes to boys though. I'm not sure if shy is the right word but I feel like I'm always just 'one of the guys' and never dating material. But that's probably a different thread lol.

I was definitely "one of the guys", and still am. I can be rough and tough and roll in the mud with the guys but I can be girly and get dolled up with the girls (and for tj lol), so I understand you there.

With you having no problem talking to people, that's why I said I wasn't sure if shy was the right word.
I went through a stage when I moved back down to mom's again last September where I didn't have any close friends even though I grew up with mostly everyone down here, but they all had their own lives: off to college, kids, their own families, etc.
But I found some of them on Facebook or ran into them up town, and I just got reconnected to them. Maybe that is something you can do, but everyone's situation is different (as in, I don't know if where you are living now is where you grew up, like me).
But I strongly suggest meetup.com and looking into group things around your area.

 

[Skivvies]

I had a really hard time meeting people after college. I ended up meeting my current group of friends through community theater. I don't get on stage and act, I'm totally shy. :yikes: But I helped out with costumes. I got to know some of the techies while I was helping with dress rehearsals, and one of the them introduced me to the people who are now my group of friends. So you might want to try getting involved with something like that.

 

[milos_mommy]

Another vote for meetup.com....or even craigslist groups/activities. I met two really good friends at a book club I found on craigslist, we went out last night for Halloween. A good thing about that is usually the people going to those events are having trouble meeting people, too.

Also, on meetup.com, you can look for a small dog group, maybe even a papillon group, or something like "young dog owners", or an artist's group or something. Also, have you thought about trying to join some sort of art collective or something? I'm not sure how available those are in your area.

Don't discount hanging out with older people, either. A lot of my close friends are 10+ years older, and just have a pretty similar lifestyle to me, and some of my old friends who are my age are just in a completely different place and that's why we've grown apart. I also have some friends who are older and not really in the same place at all, but we still get along really well.

I also think after college/high school, things are just different socially...I don't know too many people past that age who just hang out with a group of people constantly the way they do in school, when you just stop by each other's places or go to the grocery store together and sleep over all the time...

 

[mjb]

Church groups have been covered and seem to be a place where a lot of young adults get to know other people their age.

A gym, especially in an exercise or yoga class.

If you become closer friends with some of the married people at work who are fairly close in age, you might find yourself invited to functions that include other single friends of theirs.

 

[Beanie]

Meetup.com is dry around here unless you want to go to a Ron Paul rally... or a Hippiest of Hippie Things meet, LOL.
Most of my friends are all older since, like you said, a lot of 20-somethings are still in the "WHOOOO LET'S GET DRUNK AND PAAAARTAY" stage. But I have the same problem as you, where having older friends results in having a lot of friends who are married and have kids and have their own stuff to do. I mean, I'm pretty busy myself, and so are they, so coordinating is just ridiculously hard. And when you're busy and tired anyway and it's almost like work just to find time to hang out... ugh.
There's also the issue of me being poor. Like people want to go to a bar or out to a restaurant or whatever, and that's great, but I can't afford to do that... =/

I've been looking for a church with a good "younger people" presence, maybe even a singles group, but I haven't really found one yet. I also have to admit I'm sort of nervous about it, because I had a great church when I was in high school and then one day met up with a bunch of my church friends and they were NOT nice people outside of church. So now I'm like "okay, this is your Church Face, what's your REAL Face like?" and I'm wary. but obviously that is my problem, not theirs, but it does complicate things. X_X

 

[Dizzy]

Do you want to meet friends or... Fellas? personally I think one leads to the other, no matter which you start with, but friends is deffo my preference.

I have moved about a lot. Everyone thinks I'm the sort of person who'll have a million friends within minutes because I'm chatty and friendly, but being friendly doesn't mean you make friends my advice is that you won't make friends till you open up to making friends. Confusing I know. But you have to put yourself out there. It's hard to engage in already established social circles, you have to try harder. Join groups, night school, hobby groups, anything. Be prepared to do things you wouldn't normally. I am trying to build up a social circle in Wales, and went to a hen night where I knew no one (id only met the bride to be twice, and she invited me because she knows my other half!!). I went because I know I need to meet people!!

It is hard work and does take time but if you try you will succeed

 

[Laurelin]

Do you want to meet friends or... Fellas? personally I think one leads to the other, no matter which you start with, but friends is deffo my preference.

Err.... both, haha. I figure friends first then boys. But a boy would be good to have.

I found an art meetup group so I'm going to try that. I'm going to keep going to happy hour and meet people that way too. I just keep putting myself out there as much as I know how and hoping something will just click.

And don't get me wrong, I love all my older friends but I do need people in more of my own life-stage, I think. Especially when it comes to meeting guys.

I'm a member of the gym but the problem is that the gym is through work so it's the same group of people I'm already hanging with.

 

[milos_mommy]

Dog park! Great place to meet people.

And I agree with needing friends in your same life-stages, just saying that a lot of the time it's easier to find friends that might not be your age, but whom are in the same place as you maturity-wise. At 21, I live on my own, pretty much support myself, work full time, I party but not every weekend, etc....and most people my age still live in dorms or with their parents, etc....it's much easier for me to meet people in the 25-30 age range who have similar interests to me, even if they are grad students or professionals and it's not exactly the same.

 

[Dekka]

I met friends though dog sports...

 

[Laurelin]

Well, I don't have a dog park dog so that would be a little weird unless I just went to hang out. Which might be weird to be there without a dog lol.

I'd love to do more dogsports but the one trainer doesn't have anything that fit my schedule and my old club from years ago doesn't seem to want to email me back. (I've tried several times) flyball is at the same time as the church group so I need to pick one or the other.

That and I dunno if it's just here but it's another group of mostly older women again.

 

[Dekka]

I met Maf at a fun match Ado was putting on I met Nilly through going to the store she works at. Not a dog sport, BUT its nice to have things in common, like a crazy love of dogs, right off the bat. (though Nilly didn't have Sierra when I first knew her)

I wouldn't say classes are the bestest place, though they can work. Seminars, fun matches and trials seem to work better for me to meet ppl.

 

[milos_mommy]

Yeah, "dog park" doesn't have to mean specifically one of those serious dog parks where it's just a fenced in area with 50 dogs running around...your girls do get along with other dogs, right? So any kind of off-leash park, or even an on-leash hiking area that is dog friendly and has other people who might frequent it is a good thing.

Or, ask to tag along with some friends, even if they're older or families or whatever, to the dog park. Less weird than just going alone sans-dog. You could also go alone to the dog park and say your dogs get overwhelmed with such a big group, but you'd like to meet some other young dog owners who would want to get together, to either start a training group, or go on a group walk, and eventually you can just invite them and their dogs over to hang out.