I know. I have not been here much since we had to let Ella go.
I was talking to Renee today, and I cannot express how much I appreciate everyone's condolences, emails, messages, phone calls, and, oh god, that GORGEOUS picture that Xpeanx had AllieMack make for us. It's BEAUTIFUL.
But the more I visited those threads, the I cried. I had to grieve away from everyone. The pain was too much for me to share. Believe me, I was going to dark places (NOT suicide darkness, just DEEP depression darkness). And it was PAINFUL. I got to a point where I was starting to fear not being able to come out of those places.
Being in this dogless house was just...oh god, it wasn't allowing me a break. Every single little thing was haunting me. And I just miss Ella soooooo much. I just couldn't STAND it.
I mean, on Tuesday, we left with our dog to have her drain tube removed, and we came home with cancer.
Then she was gone the next day. And we came home to a dogless house. I was EMPTY.
And so, I talked it over with Ben, between fits of sobbing, and we had the idea to get another dog to fill this house again. Yes, soon, we know, but I just was having the hardest time with the fact that my house was SOOO empty of dog. We didn't have another dog to come home to, to focus on.
We had a dogless house filled with her stuff.
My best friend told me "You need to get another dog. Just go out right now, and GET another DOG. I KNOW you, and I KNOW this is hurting you, and you NEED to keep yourself busy with another dog."
And when I borrowed my neighbor's dog the other day, it confirmed it.
My best friend wasn't the only one who told me to get another dog, a few people were. "Ella will send you another as she doesn't want to see you hurt."
And I was on the phone with my friend Alicia, who works at a rescue in Chicago, and she was grieving with me as she just lost one of her dogs to mast cell a couple months ago.
And then she mentioned how she had a bbq the other day and had a bunch of people and their dogs over. And she mentioned this puppy. A pit bull puppy. She was tiny. She was missing a toe (and they don't know where it went!). Her name was Ophelia. And she was staying at the daycare that Alicia is able to bring her dog aggressive pit bull to because they specialize in dealing, boarding, and training dog aggressive dogs (and dogs with other issues).
Ophelia was basically dropped off there and someone brought her in and told the owner she found her. The owner took her in, vetted her, boarded her, and was just about the list her up on the website as adoptable.
I talked it over with Ben. We agreed to meet her. But we just knew. We KNEW she was going to be the one.
See, I had thought about fostering. I had thought about just going and getting ANY dog. But I couldn't do that. I had to meet the one.
And we met her.
We did not name her Ophelia, but fate shall have us keep the name.
As Ophelia means "help", and we honestly believe that this little girl was sent to us, by Ella, or the powers that be, to help us grieve and NOT get stuck in a dark place.
I mean, besides, who can get stuck in a dark place when they have a 3-4 month old pit bull puppy whizzing by with a bath towel hanging out of her mouth that is 20 times her size that she stole it out of their bathroom???
We have already made a vet appointment for Monday with our vet even though she was JUST at the vet yesterday.
She's got slight puppy mange that they were treating, but she has one treatment left.
Meet Ophelia, aka: Ophie, Ophi-Wan Kenophi, Phelia, goofy, silly puppy (and stay tuned for MORE nick names at a later time):
And this pic just seals the deal:
She's had one poop accident and one small pee accident in the house. Not bad, I'd say, for a 3-4 month old pup that just arrived in her new home last night.
Before anyone wonders or even maybe says it, I am well aware that Ophelia is NOT going to replace Ella. NO dog will EVER replace Ella. She will always be my heart dog.
But this little girl needed us as much as we needed her, I think.
She, so far, is great with other dogs (CRAVES attention from them, even), and she is GREAT with my kids.
I know Ella sent her to us.
I was talking to Renee today, and I cannot express how much I appreciate everyone's condolences, emails, messages, phone calls, and, oh god, that GORGEOUS picture that Xpeanx had AllieMack make for us. It's BEAUTIFUL.
But the more I visited those threads, the I cried. I had to grieve away from everyone. The pain was too much for me to share. Believe me, I was going to dark places (NOT suicide darkness, just DEEP depression darkness). And it was PAINFUL. I got to a point where I was starting to fear not being able to come out of those places.
Being in this dogless house was just...oh god, it wasn't allowing me a break. Every single little thing was haunting me. And I just miss Ella soooooo much. I just couldn't STAND it.
I mean, on Tuesday, we left with our dog to have her drain tube removed, and we came home with cancer.
Then she was gone the next day. And we came home to a dogless house. I was EMPTY.
And so, I talked it over with Ben, between fits of sobbing, and we had the idea to get another dog to fill this house again. Yes, soon, we know, but I just was having the hardest time with the fact that my house was SOOO empty of dog. We didn't have another dog to come home to, to focus on.
We had a dogless house filled with her stuff.
My best friend told me "You need to get another dog. Just go out right now, and GET another DOG. I KNOW you, and I KNOW this is hurting you, and you NEED to keep yourself busy with another dog."
And when I borrowed my neighbor's dog the other day, it confirmed it.
My best friend wasn't the only one who told me to get another dog, a few people were. "Ella will send you another as she doesn't want to see you hurt."
And I was on the phone with my friend Alicia, who works at a rescue in Chicago, and she was grieving with me as she just lost one of her dogs to mast cell a couple months ago.
And then she mentioned how she had a bbq the other day and had a bunch of people and their dogs over. And she mentioned this puppy. A pit bull puppy. She was tiny. She was missing a toe (and they don't know where it went!). Her name was Ophelia. And she was staying at the daycare that Alicia is able to bring her dog aggressive pit bull to because they specialize in dealing, boarding, and training dog aggressive dogs (and dogs with other issues).
Ophelia was basically dropped off there and someone brought her in and told the owner she found her. The owner took her in, vetted her, boarded her, and was just about the list her up on the website as adoptable.
I talked it over with Ben. We agreed to meet her. But we just knew. We KNEW she was going to be the one.
See, I had thought about fostering. I had thought about just going and getting ANY dog. But I couldn't do that. I had to meet the one.
And we met her.
We did not name her Ophelia, but fate shall have us keep the name.
As Ophelia means "help", and we honestly believe that this little girl was sent to us, by Ella, or the powers that be, to help us grieve and NOT get stuck in a dark place.
I mean, besides, who can get stuck in a dark place when they have a 3-4 month old pit bull puppy whizzing by with a bath towel hanging out of her mouth that is 20 times her size that she stole it out of their bathroom???
We have already made a vet appointment for Monday with our vet even though she was JUST at the vet yesterday.
She's got slight puppy mange that they were treating, but she has one treatment left.
Meet Ophelia, aka: Ophie, Ophi-Wan Kenophi, Phelia, goofy, silly puppy (and stay tuned for MORE nick names at a later time):
And this pic just seals the deal:
She's had one poop accident and one small pee accident in the house. Not bad, I'd say, for a 3-4 month old pup that just arrived in her new home last night.
Before anyone wonders or even maybe says it, I am well aware that Ophelia is NOT going to replace Ella. NO dog will EVER replace Ella. She will always be my heart dog.
But this little girl needed us as much as we needed her, I think.
She, so far, is great with other dogs (CRAVES attention from them, even), and she is GREAT with my kids.
I know Ella sent her to us.
Now she's got lots of work to do trying to fill the Ella sized hole in your hearts and helping you heal*hugs*
