I was just thinking of all the completely, utterly, obviously, blatantly incorrect things people have told me about their dog. I'm never sure if they're aware that they're lying, or if they're just misled, but the difference between what comes out of their mouth and what's radiating off their dog is often amazing - it'd be funny if it weren't scary.
The delusional
Claim: "He's friendly!"
Reality: He's frozen in place, rock solid and eye-f#cking us
The optimist
Claim: "He's scared of little dogs"
Reality: He's stalking the little dog in a way curiously reminiscent of a Nature special on cheetahs
The understated
Claim: "He's not very friendly"
Reality: He's hissing and crawling over mommy's shoulder to get closer to your face
The blind
Claim: "She loves kids!"
Reality: The kids are going down like bowling pins
The pitying
Claim: "He's shy"
Reality: He's staring you straight in the eye
The boastful
Claim: "He's game"
Reality: He once killed a Cocker Spaniel
The aggressive
Claim: "He's a (fill in scary breed) so watch out!"
Reality: He's clearly unaware he's supposed to be biting people
The delusional
Claim: "He's friendly!"
Reality: He's frozen in place, rock solid and eye-f#cking us
The optimist
Claim: "He's scared of little dogs"
Reality: He's stalking the little dog in a way curiously reminiscent of a Nature special on cheetahs
The understated
Claim: "He's not very friendly"
Reality: He's hissing and crawling over mommy's shoulder to get closer to your face
The blind
Claim: "She loves kids!"
Reality: The kids are going down like bowling pins
The pitying
Claim: "He's shy"
Reality: He's staring you straight in the eye
The boastful
Claim: "He's game"
Reality: He once killed a Cocker Spaniel
The aggressive
Claim: "He's a (fill in scary breed) so watch out!"
Reality: He's clearly unaware he's supposed to be biting people