We have a 30.06 bolt action rifle for home defense-ish. It lives in the bedroom loaded, but it's also Steven's hunting rifle. I have a Ruger 10.22 for target plinking and taking small game.
I CC a Glock 22. It's a .40 S&W caliber. I enjoy it. I have longer fingers, but relatively small hands I'd say, and I can grip it comfortably without worrying about the slide taking any parts off when it's fired. It has a bit of recoil to it, but it's the fullsized frame, and the slide/action bit weighs enough to dampen that flip up a bit. At least for me. I'm pretty proficient with it out to about 15 yards.
I have a very small frame, and really the only place I can hide it on me is the small of my back or tucked in the front of my pants if I'm wearing a larger shirt/sweater. If I have a coat on or a hoodie, you can't tell I'm carrying a full sized 40 caliber gun on me. I have my weapons license though, so I just open carry it in a Blackhawk Serpa holster.
The other ones I'd suggest looking at are the Glock 23 which is the compact 40 caliber version of mine, and the Beretta PX4 Storm. My best friend has that, and it is a very very nice gun. Less recoil than mine because it's in 9mm and not 40, and it's one of the easiest guns to rack the slide on with one hand. My father has a Beretta M9 I believe, and I can't rack the slide on that one to save my ever loving life. The Storm and all the Glocks I've shot have worked just fine.
I do not like snub nosed revolvers. The recoil on those for whatever reason is really hard for me to handle, but my mother loves them. So definitely shooting a variety of guns to get a feel is the best thing to do before purchasing one.