The Venting Thread

No, I wasn't talking about looks either. My guy buddy is very much a cutie, not more so then my SO (of course ) but romantically we are like two poritivr ends of a magnet. Plutonicly we get along fine.

I say respond. You might end up with a friend out of it..

In *my* opinion dating sites are meant to be a very brief encounter. Don't get caught up in personalities, as you can't judge chemistry till you meet someone, not properly.... And in any case, once you've established (at the bare minimum) that they're not an axe murderer I say MEET them. In person. Go on a date.

You won't lose anything, it doesn't hurt, and they can be fun even if you don't wind up fancying them or even liking them for that matter!

If you start getting all technical about meeting someone, you won't meet them. If you treat this as a spring board to just experience dating, build your confidence, have some social encounters, chances are you will just relax enough to start being open to all encounters, and chances are you will meet someone and ironically chances are it won't even be off the dating site

Take it all with a lunch of salt, who cares if you have wildly different views, go out, meet, chat, build your dating skills and confidence!!

My dog keeps waking me up at 5:30 on my days off. :madgo::madgo::madgo::madgo:

One of my parents dogs is a submissive urinator .... I HATE submissive urinators :wall:

Nevermind.

I shall keep everything to myself in the future to avoid getting jumped on by people who do not know me.

I can see where you're coming from, Beanie. Someone who is that fundamentally different, at least on paper, isn't usually going to pan out.

Then again, maybe a coffee date and a new friend comes out of it? Not romantically, but maybe after talking to you he has a friend who is a perfect fit.

As for online dating... I'm not one to waste my time and wish more people were upfront and did what Beanie does.

People get into relationships for all kinds of reasons (you meet, sparks fly, you're lonely etc..) and you know what the most common cause of breakups is? After the honeymoon period is over, couples start to discuss the stuff they SHOULD HAVE discussed earlier and find they are totally incompatible (kids, no kids, religion, no religion, future goals, importance of family etc..) and hearts get broken.

They stay together for a while because they are fond of each other.
Compromise is tried on major life issues.
ENTER RESENTMENT, ANGER, FIGHTS, BICKERING.
Break up. Boom.
(now this doesn't ALWAYS happen, but when it comes to being on polar opposites of MAJOR BIG REAL issues, like kids.. I'd say it happens more often than not)

"But I don't want kids"
"WHY?"
"You know I don't like them, I implied.."
"I THOUGHT YOU WOULD CHANGE YOUR MIND"
"Why would I?"
"Because we are in love"
"You want me to sacrifice my happiness for us"
"No it's not like that !"
"If I have kids, I will resent it, and I will in turn, resent us and hate you"
*BOOM HEART BREAK DISASTER*

all of which could've been solved with a simple first date/profile/message of "I don't want children" and making it clear up front.

You know what you want and what you don't.
Why deal with and get involved with someone who isn't 100% on board. You are talking about your future and your religion here, not what kinds of movies your prefer or if you like going to parties.

My boyfriend knew DAY 1 of me being an atheist and me not being sure about having kids and my future goals and MAJOR things I wouldn't compromise on.
Build a relationship with a foundation that is REAL AND SOLID AND THE TRUTH about who you are and what you want ... not tiptoeing around things that are very important to you and what? hoping that they will be on board/have the same ideas once you are already emotionally attached? or will sacrifice and get on board?

If it's something you aren't compromising on, they should know up front and IMO you should not pursue that person. Regardless of "sparks", asking anybody who is that DEADSET on an important choice to compromise will lead to resentment. All around.

Not giving every guy a chance does not make you "the bad guy", neither does not responding to a guy who isn't on the same track with your important plans..

Not being upfront about what you want in life and trying to spring it on someone who now cares about you and getting in an emotional tug-o-war about your now entwined futures and sacrificing happiness is what makes a bad time.

Finding a christian who doesn't want kids is hardly a nitpicky ridiculous "type".
Those are two important life changing qualities.

It's not like you are out there hunting for hot gingers.

I don't think I told my boyfriend everything that was a deal breaker day 1.. and people can genuinely change over the course of a relationship on major life issues.

I did want kids at one point& now I don't. My boyfriend is content to have a baby with me if I decide I want one or just love our dog LOL! The one thing that really bothers me is I never used to care if we got married. Now, we live together& I want to be married. He is not so sure on the whole thing& that has caused more tension than I can even begin to explain.

I am sorry you feel like poeple "jumped on" you. That was in no way my intent and I did not read that intent in the other posts either.

I think getting together under the pretense of all the truth on the table about want/not wants and then changing over time (which happens) is a much more fair situation and much more likely to go over better than YOU WANTING SOMETHING SO BADLY from the beginning and then as things become more serious, trying to get another person on board (not saying this MUST happen day 1)
You changed over time about a major life goal, which is totally fine... and now it might be causing tension but IMAGINE if you wanted that thing SO BADLY from the beginning..imagine how nuts you would be right now and how much strain you would both be under after all that waiting/wanting lol

I think growing/changing together is much more likely to go over well.. than starting off not really knowing what the other person wants and just hoping it meshes with what you want..and then, after time passes and the relationship grows, wanting that thing even more badly and figuring out the person you're with does not.

Maybe Beanie will want kids some day (who knows.) but I don't think that marginal chance is a good thing to bet on or begin a relationship on. I would hope she finds someone who loves her, and agrees with not wanting children,and if she DOES decide she wants some.. perhaps the discussion can begin from there.
Rather than someone growing resentful from day 1 because they aren't getting what they knew they wanted.


Just my 2 cents.

/please don't go on a first date and release all your emotional baggage in the first 30 minutes about your future life goals and plans

haha it is a discussion that needs to happen, but OUT OF THE CONTEXT OF ONLINE DATING (Where it's easy to list these things and it's an important part of who you are/your "profile")
..you can wait til date 3 or something to make sure you actually get along before you begin to discuss kids, marriage etc LOL

People have various degrees of importance on different topics, too. Saying, "Yes, I'd like kids" could mean "OMG my life won't be complete without them" or it could mean, "I just assumed someday I'd have children because that is what most people do." The former is clearly incompatible with someone who doesn't want to reproduce, the latter is something that can be talked about and discussed and maybe be happy either way--you wouldn't know until you had that discussion.

I'm sorry this is so hard for you, Beanie

If it helps at all if I was a dude and if I was a christian I would climb that **** like a tree.

You would have to pretend to let me win when we raced though. Compromise for my male ego.

Ugh it is so disgustingly humid today. Yuck. My hair is getting larger by the minute and anyone that has me on facebook has seen just how out of control my hair can really be. Looks like I'm smuggling furry animals from the zoo on my head

Neither did I..

I guess I don't see dating as a jigsaw, I didn't date people to find the missing piece or the perfect fit.... I just dated people because it made me feel good! It made me feel confident, it made me learn about myself, about how actually I COULD flirt/chat/engage with the opposite sex in a datey kind of way, and that actually I could RELAX about wanting to meet someone! And then of course, voila, I met someone and it wasn't through internet dating!

I think I went on, ooooh... 4 or 5 dates before that though, and learnt so much. And I stopped feeling lonely, and I stopped obsessing about meeting someone.

I was always a serial singleton before that, I wasn't the dating type, or the serial relationship type, and I was quite chilled about being single for a long time, but when I did want to meet someone, THAT'S when you feel poop. That's when you sign up to dating sites of course! Feeling a bit like, poop.

If you just go out there and rock the dating world, and have guys wanting to see you again, well it's a huge confidence boost and you get a whole new outlook on it.

I doubt you will meet 'the one' through it, but you never know



My vent is my fish are sick I bought them a new tank, and now they're sick and I feel horrid

Agreed. In my dating years, I don't think I had major life discussions with several..some we just went on a date or two for fun. Some we dated longer.

That said, if you really don't find this person interesting at all, there's no harm in not responding

Maybe it was a random vent about something else? Not what we were talking about?

Seconded.