Nervous breakdown?Puppy Blues?Please help
- Thread starter cloudcandy
- Start date
- Tags confused new dog puppy blues sad
In my opinion, it seems like this anxiety/stress is being caused by something(s) other than your puppy. Puppies can be difficult, but the puppy in itself shouldn't be making you this upset.
Are you and your boyfriend close? Have you sat down to tell him exactly how you feel?
Do you have another family member/close friend who you can talk to?
Are you and your boyfriend close? Have you sat down to tell him exactly how you feel?
Do you have another family member/close friend who you can talk to?
Yes me and my BF are close,been together nearly 6 years now.We joke that I'm "crazy" but maybe I actaully am(haha)
I'm almost considering calling my mum,but...if i do then its real.I might even tell my dad even though I'll get a big fat "told you so".
Now that the thought she would be better going back to her breeder is here I don't know what I can do.
She's on my lap asleep and I feel like the worse person ever,
I'm almost considering calling my mum,but...if i do then its real.I might even tell my dad even though I'll get a big fat "told you so".
Now that the thought she would be better going back to her breeder is here I don't know what I can do.
She's on my lap asleep and I feel like the worse person ever,
I was nearly at breakdown when I got Bodhi, had worked with dogs before, lived with dogs forever and desperately wanted one.
There were tears.
TRUST me, it gets better. She was the best thing I ever did, even though I honestly thought I'd made the biggest mistake ever at times.... How on earth I thought I was going to cope I don't know.
It get's easier. You begin to bond, you begin to understand what they want, and what those noises and movements mean and when they want something. It doesn't happen overnight though!!!
There were tears.
TRUST me, it gets better. She was the best thing I ever did, even though I honestly thought I'd made the biggest mistake ever at times.... How on earth I thought I was going to cope I don't know.
It get's easier. You begin to bond, you begin to understand what they want, and what those noises and movements mean and when they want something. It doesn't happen overnight though!!!
Thanks for the help everyone.I'm worried this could just keep going in circles.
You have all pretty much nearly convinced me to go back to the breeder,my BF is very upset with this descion,but he'll get over it and he recognizes that I have to make this descion.
I'm trying not to have a panic attack right now.I'm holding Coco she's sleeping and looks like an angel.
Thing is I just dont know how long I can wait this out,what if she bonds to me and then I let her go,would'nt it be easier and better for her to go now?I dont think my needs should come first?Do dogs bond with new owners or do they never forget?I could not put her through that pain(or is that me putting human feelings on an animal)
I just want to make sure theres no doubt in people minds I will look after this dog and make sure she is loved regardless of what I'm going through,I don't want people thinking I'm neglecting her or anything.
You have all pretty much nearly convinced me to go back to the breeder,my BF is very upset with this descion,but he'll get over it and he recognizes that I have to make this descion.
I'm trying not to have a panic attack right now.I'm holding Coco she's sleeping and looks like an angel.
Thing is I just dont know how long I can wait this out,what if she bonds to me and then I let her go,would'nt it be easier and better for her to go now?I dont think my needs should come first?Do dogs bond with new owners or do they never forget?I could not put her through that pain(or is that me putting human feelings on an animal)
I just want to make sure theres no doubt in people minds I will look after this dog and make sure she is loved regardless of what I'm going through,I don't want people thinking I'm neglecting her or anything.
Cloud, you've had the puppy for what...2 days?
RELAX. If you'd had her for 3 months and were still freaking out, that's when I would start seriously looking into taking her back. After 2 days though, you're still just adjusting! You can't expect yourself to love everything about her! You have to learn to adapt to each other, work together to figure out routines and schedules, and find a balance between what she needs and what you need.
I think you're overwhelmed, and rightfully so, but it DOES get better. If you really wanted a dog so badly, don't give up now! Can you hire a trainer to come to your apartment and help you figure out how to do sleep/play/feeding times to minimize stress? Maybe show you an area you could gate off to give you some alone time? Can you sign up for puppy play classes so she learns appropriate social skills in a controlled environment (usually these are really cheap and/or free!) How much involved play time/exercise is she getting?
RELAX. If you'd had her for 3 months and were still freaking out, that's when I would start seriously looking into taking her back. After 2 days though, you're still just adjusting! You can't expect yourself to love everything about her! You have to learn to adapt to each other, work together to figure out routines and schedules, and find a balance between what she needs and what you need.
I think you're overwhelmed, and rightfully so, but it DOES get better. If you really wanted a dog so badly, don't give up now! Can you hire a trainer to come to your apartment and help you figure out how to do sleep/play/feeding times to minimize stress? Maybe show you an area you could gate off to give you some alone time? Can you sign up for puppy play classes so she learns appropriate social skills in a controlled environment (usually these are really cheap and/or free!) How much involved play time/exercise is she getting?
Okay, I'll be the opposition.
I think you should wait it out a little longer. I think 2 days is not long enough to decide. I'd give it at least a week or two and see if it's not getting a bit better.
I remember very very clear thoughts of 'What have I gotten myself into!?' when I got both my dogs in the first week. One an adult and one a puppy.
The beginning of getting a puppy you don't know what to expect of them and they don't know what to expect from you. It starts getting better only when you've had some time to get to know each other. It's just not realistic to think a puppy will understand what you're asking of it from the get-go. It takes simply TIME. She is very very very young. Most breeders don't let their toy sized dogs go till they are 10+ weeks.
On the other hand, dogs adapt to new owners just fine. If you do decide to give her back, she'll be okay.
I think you should wait it out a little longer. I think 2 days is not long enough to decide. I'd give it at least a week or two and see if it's not getting a bit better.
I remember very very clear thoughts of 'What have I gotten myself into!?' when I got both my dogs in the first week. One an adult and one a puppy.
The beginning of getting a puppy you don't know what to expect of them and they don't know what to expect from you. It starts getting better only when you've had some time to get to know each other. It's just not realistic to think a puppy will understand what you're asking of it from the get-go. It takes simply TIME. She is very very very young. Most breeders don't let their toy sized dogs go till they are 10+ weeks.
On the other hand, dogs adapt to new owners just fine. If you do decide to give her back, she'll be okay.
I honestly don't think you can make a judgement after only 2 days on this.....
Seriously, if I'd followed through on some of the thoughts I had when I 1st got that splodgey puppy I'd be a VERY miserable person today.
I am a little bit confused as to WHAT is causing the anxiety..... is it the unknown? I'd say give it more time, go online and find a local puppy class, or speak to a vet and ask them to recommend one, and stick around on here and people will walk you through what you need to know.
It's scary being responsible for another life, but it certainly isn't impossible.
At the end of the day, it's your call, but just be coming and asking for help you are showing you can be responsible and capable of looking after her.
I'd hate to see you do something you regret.
Seriously, if I'd followed through on some of the thoughts I had when I 1st got that splodgey puppy I'd be a VERY miserable person today.
I am a little bit confused as to WHAT is causing the anxiety..... is it the unknown? I'd say give it more time, go online and find a local puppy class, or speak to a vet and ask them to recommend one, and stick around on here and people will walk you through what you need to know.
It's scary being responsible for another life, but it certainly isn't impossible.
At the end of the day, it's your call, but just be coming and asking for help you are showing you can be responsible and capable of looking after her.
I'd hate to see you do something you regret.
Definitely agree. I picked up Mia and she was a little hellion. I thought maybe I'd just gotten a mean puppy that wouldn't stop moving and destroyed pretty much everything that she came into contact with. But she is now my best little buddy. 
I literally cried over her some especially in her teenage months. Not to mention the time she ate my glasses.... But it gets better and better.
I DON'T think what you're feeling is abnormal. Maybe you're feeling it to a stronger extent than me or some other people do. On my other forum we get people with the same issues ALL the time. But I think wondering what if you can't make it work and wondering if you made a mistake is totally normal. I think if you choose to stick it out, you'll be just fine. We'd all be absolutely more than willing to give you advice. Most of us have raised a couple puppies.
I literally cried over her some especially in her teenage months. Not to mention the time she ate my glasses.... But it gets better and better.
I DON'T think what you're feeling is abnormal. Maybe you're feeling it to a stronger extent than me or some other people do. On my other forum we get people with the same issues ALL the time. But I think wondering what if you can't make it work and wondering if you made a mistake is totally normal. I think if you choose to stick it out, you'll be just fine. We'd all be absolutely more than willing to give you advice. Most of us have raised a couple puppies.
It's a horrid feeling when you think you've made a mistake, especially when it's something you wanted SOOOO badly.
I remember though, when I began to bond with Bodhi, and started to 'get' her. Without having any kids, I can only compare it to how it feels to have kids lol. Fecking little shites, but you wouldn't be without them
I can honestly say Bodhi HELPED with my mental health, anxiety etc even if I did sob for the first few.... weeks? Months?? lol
I can't imagine who I'd be now without her. Sad I know.
You've got this all to come
I remember though, when I began to bond with Bodhi, and started to 'get' her. Without having any kids, I can only compare it to how it feels to have kids lol. Fecking little shites, but you wouldn't be without them
I can honestly say Bodhi HELPED with my mental health, anxiety etc even if I did sob for the first few.... weeks? Months?? lol
I can't imagine who I'd be now without her. Sad I know.
You've got this all to come
The only other place I can put the puppys pen is in the hallway(too cold I would say)Or the bathroom...I can't take her for a walk atm since she has to wait until Monday ish for her 1st set of shots.I wish I could walk her!That would do ME the world of good and get this puppy exhausted.
I do want to make this work but I'm wary of the future and I'm scared.
A family friend who has a jack chi has told me to wait a while and speak to a vet asap to get some more profesional advice and that she will come with me.My sister is going to come round tomorow aswell so I'm going to hold out till then.
@caliterp I am going to try and wait a few more days,I would be silly for me to rush this.I'm just really struggling to keep calm and not have a panic attack.
I'm trying to keep my goal in mind (a nice dog..who's not perfect but wont eat people who will enjoy long walks across the beach...at Christmas and be apart of my family,someone who will snuggle with me whilst I watch telly and be the reason I force my self out for a walk in the rain)
I do want to make this work but I'm wary of the future and I'm scared.
A family friend who has a jack chi has told me to wait a while and speak to a vet asap to get some more profesional advice and that she will come with me.My sister is going to come round tomorow aswell so I'm going to hold out till then.
@caliterp I am going to try and wait a few more days,I would be silly for me to rush this.I'm just really struggling to keep calm and not have a panic attack.
I'm trying to keep my goal in mind (a nice dog..who's not perfect but wont eat people who will enjoy long walks across the beach...at Christmas and be apart of my family,someone who will snuggle with me whilst I watch telly and be the reason I force my self out for a walk in the rain)
Maybe I'm just weird but every time we get a dog there's a couple days where I go into kind of a panic mode. Just a couple days where I realized that I just turned my comfy little life a bit upside down. I need a few days to really collect myself and start being a bit productive.
Take a few days to collect yourself and start getting used to the idea of dog ownership. Get a game plan going of how you're going to work on things with her. Take a deep breath and let yourself have some fun with her.
Remember, your puppy learns from every little experience. Be consistent and fair and you'll start to see some progress.
Take a few days to collect yourself and start getting used to the idea of dog ownership. Get a game plan going of how you're going to work on things with her. Take a deep breath and let yourself have some fun with her.
Remember, your puppy learns from every little experience. Be consistent and fair and you'll start to see some progress.
I remember I got Sawyer, there was definitely at least a week and some where I was seriously questioning what I had just gotten myself into and he was almost 2 years old! Getting up at 6am, learning how to crate train and how to deal with the barking, how to teach him to be ok at home by himself, all that stuff had me at odds.
First, remember to breath! The crazy running around and jumping on things is part of being a crazy puppy, they've got a lot of energy to deal with. They also like to use their teeth--it's how they experience the world. It's like a baby putting things in their mouth. However, it's not quite so fun when they experience your arm, is it?
I don't think you need to give her back just yet. It's only been two days and it takes at least two weeks before any sort of initial bonding and routine can really be established. Give it at least that long. However, it does sound like you may have some other underlying issues that the puppy has brought to the forefront and I do think you need to go see a doc to try and get some answers/solutions to those. Puppies are evil and crazy and fun and will make you cry at times, but they shouldn't be making you question your intrinsic worth.
First, remember to breath! The crazy running around and jumping on things is part of being a crazy puppy, they've got a lot of energy to deal with. They also like to use their teeth--it's how they experience the world. It's like a baby putting things in their mouth. However, it's not quite so fun when they experience your arm, is it?
I don't think you need to give her back just yet. It's only been two days and it takes at least two weeks before any sort of initial bonding and routine can really be established. Give it at least that long. However, it does sound like you may have some other underlying issues that the puppy has brought to the forefront and I do think you need to go see a doc to try and get some answers/solutions to those. Puppies are evil and crazy and fun and will make you cry at times, but they shouldn't be making you question your intrinsic worth.
I felt exactly the same way when I first brought Maya home. To be honest, I really hadn't done as much research as I now know I should have. This sounds ridiculous, but I didn't expect her to be such a "baby" and have to go out every hour, and have to wake up in the middle of the night, and that she would need constant supervision.
I remember thinking "What on earth am I doing....I can't possibly do this", and like you, I had no appetite, and was constantly anxious about the whole thing.
For me, two things helped a lot....the first was that I found Chazhound, and started reading through the puppy forum, and I realized that Maya was just acting like a regular puppy, and that other people had been through this, and that it would get better....like Jessie said, the puppy stage is not all that long! Second, I started teaching her simple commands right away....we would work for 10 minutes at a time on things like sit, down, and paw, and when we started figuring those out, we really started to bond.
I also remember thinking....am I ever going to be able to just relax in the house again without constantly wondering what Maya was up to, and slowly but surely, the time I had to spend on constant supervision lessened. I was able to figure out what kind of toys and treats that she liked, and what would keep her occupied, so that I could go do whatever I needed to do, even if was just to watch TV and know that she was sitting in the same room as me, but entertaining herself.
Eventually, when Maya had been home with us for 3 months or so, everything just kind of clicked, and it became fun to come home to her, instead of worrying about spending time with her. I wouldn't trade her for the world now!
I would suggest giving it a little more time.....it definitely gets better each day!
I remember thinking "What on earth am I doing....I can't possibly do this", and like you, I had no appetite, and was constantly anxious about the whole thing.
For me, two things helped a lot....the first was that I found Chazhound, and started reading through the puppy forum, and I realized that Maya was just acting like a regular puppy, and that other people had been through this, and that it would get better....like Jessie said, the puppy stage is not all that long! Second, I started teaching her simple commands right away....we would work for 10 minutes at a time on things like sit, down, and paw, and when we started figuring those out, we really started to bond.
I also remember thinking....am I ever going to be able to just relax in the house again without constantly wondering what Maya was up to, and slowly but surely, the time I had to spend on constant supervision lessened. I was able to figure out what kind of toys and treats that she liked, and what would keep her occupied, so that I could go do whatever I needed to do, even if was just to watch TV and know that she was sitting in the same room as me, but entertaining herself.
Eventually, when Maya had been home with us for 3 months or so, everything just kind of clicked, and it became fun to come home to her, instead of worrying about spending time with her. I wouldn't trade her for the world now!
I would suggest giving it a little more time.....it definitely gets better each day!
Thanks so much everyone.I dont know how.I would have dealt with these feelings without knowing.its all part of the deal.I guess everyday I look back is not as bad as I thought.Last night.she was in.her pen from 11-6,I however took out her toilet and made a cosier bed.She seemed to be a teeny bit more happy to go in there.She woke up a few times to cry and I only tool her oit to offer the toilet.and then put her back in.A few short SSH's from my boyfriend usually stop the crying and she.didnt.wake me up until 6.25am which I guess is a big improvement.Shes had a bit of play and is now in our bed sleeping..I know this.is apprently bad or w.e bit.I reckon she is.doing well to try sleeping that long and plus....I quite like her in bed,infact i LOVE her when shes sleepy.
i'm going to.give it sometime and try and cope.Sorry for.my.drama last nomight.but i was in a mess!!!!Anyone else who cried.mostly in the evenings?
i'm going to.give it sometime and try and cope.Sorry for.my.drama last nomight.but i was in a mess!!!!Anyone else who cried.mostly in the evenings?
I think I've made my mind up.I think Coco has to go back to her breeder,this isn't something I want to do 100% but I'm going to wait it out a few days,speak to the vet and try and think about things.I feel better now that I have a plan.In the mean time I'm going to keep her happy and keep trying to train her.I feel that giving her back would be the best thing to do,I don't want to have to wait for a long time because i don't want her to get very settled and then have it torn apart.I think all I can do is hang my head and shame and be honest with myself,that this was not a proper informed decision and that the only thing worse then giving her up now would be to do it in 3-6 months and for it to be even worse for both of us.I feel really upset about this ,but I don't want this to go even further.The best thing I could do with my summer would be to get help for my anxiety and try and become a dog walker or something
I don't know how much help a vet will be. Most vets are fantastic when it comes to medical problems, but most I know are far from trainers or behaviourists (unless of course they are a veterinary behaviourist)
If you want to give it a shot find a local trainer who can come to your house and help you set up a good routine and see you and the pup in action.
But I think getting help for your anxiety and getting more experience with dogs sounds like a great idea!
If you want to give it a shot find a local trainer who can come to your house and help you set up a good routine and see you and the pup in action.
But I think getting help for your anxiety and getting more experience with dogs sounds like a great idea!
Thanks Dekka,I just do not want to be one of those people who don't do the best by their pets.I think that's the best decision I can make right now,this seems like a responsible less selfish descion?
What does everyone think?if you were to discuss this with friends/family etc wht would you say?I mean in terms of don't hold back what your thoughts are.
What does everyone think?if you were to discuss this with friends/family etc wht would you say?I mean in terms of don't hold back what your thoughts are.