Some of you may have helped me out yesterday with my 'Help new puppy in the house' thread. Well it doesn;t get any better, today I can't stop crying thinking I've made a huge mistake and wishing I could undo it all but I can't - all my kids love the puppy and its only me that can know how I'm feeling. I keep trying to think of ways to get out of all of this but there aren;t any....I can't even go to bed and have a good cry as I have to look after him.....please help. Did anyone else feel like this?
I can;t stop crying
- Thread starter Lyn Scillitoe
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I feel really bad for you feeling this way
. I have gone through depression myself and it really colors the way you feel about everything.
Maybe the pup being a baby is somehow an unconscious reminder of the way you were feeling when you had your own baby years before and it will pass in time.
As I had said I felt and still feel upset but not as often.I sometimes wonder why I got a dog and wish sometimes I hadnt. The feeling is not as strong though as it was.
The only other thing I can say and I hope others dont get upset with me on this. MAYBE and just maybe you have made a mistake in getting the pup right now .Maybe you should consider getting a kitten as they are way less time consuming than a pup. You can leave them a lot longer as well and they dont tie you down as much. Maybe its just a matter of having the wrong kind of pet.
Lets face it you have to enjoy the pet too and be happy not just your kids.I am sure if you talked to them about it they would understand.
The pup will in time sense your feelings as well and you have to consider this also.
I hope this helps you somehow. I hope it all works out for you whatever you decide.
. I have gone through depression myself and it really colors the way you feel about everything.Maybe the pup being a baby is somehow an unconscious reminder of the way you were feeling when you had your own baby years before and it will pass in time.
As I had said I felt and still feel upset but not as often.I sometimes wonder why I got a dog and wish sometimes I hadnt. The feeling is not as strong though as it was.
The only other thing I can say and I hope others dont get upset with me on this. MAYBE and just maybe you have made a mistake in getting the pup right now .Maybe you should consider getting a kitten as they are way less time consuming than a pup. You can leave them a lot longer as well and they dont tie you down as much. Maybe its just a matter of having the wrong kind of pet.
Lets face it you have to enjoy the pet too and be happy not just your kids.I am sure if you talked to them about it they would understand.
The pup will in time sense your feelings as well and you have to consider this also.
I hope this helps you somehow. I hope it all works out for you whatever you decide.
You are saying all the things that I have felt too - we already have several other pets whom I love (rabbits, hamsters, lizards) but my main concern is my kids and my step kids. We have already tried before to get a dog (3 years or so ago) and I brought it home and immediately knew I couldn't cope so he went back to the breeder, that was really tough on them and I really dont think I can put them through it again. Its a lose lose situation at the moment.
Well, this does sound serious, and think of it this way, if you bring pup back soon, he'll definitely find a good home. But if you wait, and things get worse, the pup will have much less chance at a good life. You aren't going to like this any better as time goes by,and your feelings matter too.
And also, let your kids know you love them ,but as Mom you're not perfect,and though you'd like for them to have this, it may just be something they'll have to wait on, maybe even till they're grown up,and ready to do it on their own.
They'll be ok, at least they have some pets,I know plenty of kids who have none, and really want something.
I second the kitty idea, you could easily get 1 or 2,and they're so much easier to care for than any other animal I can think of. Also a lot of fun for the kids to play with.
Just remember,not everyone can keep dogs, my dh is purely a cat person, I'm the one who likes a variety...
And also, let your kids know you love them ,but as Mom you're not perfect,and though you'd like for them to have this, it may just be something they'll have to wait on, maybe even till they're grown up,and ready to do it on their own.
They'll be ok, at least they have some pets,I know plenty of kids who have none, and really want something.
I second the kitty idea, you could easily get 1 or 2,and they're so much easier to care for than any other animal I can think of. Also a lot of fun for the kids to play with.
Just remember,not everyone can keep dogs, my dh is purely a cat person, I'm the one who likes a variety...
So do you really think I can do this ?- every time I think of giving him up that makes me cry too for the sake of my kids but on the other hand it would feel like a relief for ME. I wish I could tell the kids how I'm feeling but at the ages of 7 - 13 I don't think they'll get it. Fran did you really feel like giving up at the beginning? Did gradually get better or did it just happen?
I think that if depression is the Link to you feeling like this then maybe a visit with the Doctor to start with?
There are things that trigger my "Moods" even though i haven't taken Meds for over 6 years.
Speak to the Doctor and see what he/she has to say, or offer.
Then if things aren't improving, you have to remember that you health comes 1st.
You have to be there for the children and if that means doing something you know is going to upset them, it is in thier best interests that your doing it, and you have to remember that.
I really do hope that things will work out well for you (((HUGS)))
There are things that trigger my "Moods" even though i haven't taken Meds for over 6 years.
Speak to the Doctor and see what he/she has to say, or offer.
Then if things aren't improving, you have to remember that you health comes 1st.
You have to be there for the children and if that means doing something you know is going to upset them, it is in thier best interests that your doing it, and you have to remember that.
I really do hope that things will work out well for you (((HUGS)))
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Honestly, when they are a puppy is some of thr best times with a dog.
Sure, I got pounced all over this morning because my puppy did not feel like sleeping...
But, if you feel like this now, I can not imagine how you are going to feel when the dog gets old and begins to have problems... When my last dog got older she began to go to the bathroom in the house on almost a daily basis, this is a dog who had been trained since she was a puppy. It was during that time that we needed to have the most patience with her.
Getting a new home for a puppy is easy, but looking for a home for an older dog is almost impossible.
I dont think I would sit around and hope it get better.
If you are the main care giver then maybe you should look for a new home for the puppy.
My only question is, why are other people in the house not taking care of this dog?
Your children do not sound too young to help care for a dog.. the older ones can walk the dog and the younger ones feed. If you are set on keeping the dog for them, it may help if they take over the responsibilities of the dog.
Good Luck
Elissa
Sure, I got pounced all over this morning because my puppy did not feel like sleeping...
But, if you feel like this now, I can not imagine how you are going to feel when the dog gets old and begins to have problems... When my last dog got older she began to go to the bathroom in the house on almost a daily basis, this is a dog who had been trained since she was a puppy. It was during that time that we needed to have the most patience with her.
Getting a new home for a puppy is easy, but looking for a home for an older dog is almost impossible.
I dont think I would sit around and hope it get better.
If you are the main care giver then maybe you should look for a new home for the puppy.
My only question is, why are other people in the house not taking care of this dog?
Your children do not sound too young to help care for a dog.. the older ones can walk the dog and the younger ones feed. If you are set on keeping the dog for them, it may help if they take over the responsibilities of the dog.
Good Luck
Elissa
Hmm...is this the first dog or puppy you had? Or had to care for by yourself (not your parents as a kid)?
I have to admit...when we got our puppy, I felt really overwhelmed. It was one thing to read about having a puppy and then to have a puppy home, demanding attention pretty much all day long.
I agree, you should definitely go to your doc and have you checked out...and then give it some time...get used to have a puppy in the house.
As overwhelmed and frustrated I felt first...the more I love and have bonded with T-Bone now.
((((Hugs))))
I have to admit...when we got our puppy, I felt really overwhelmed. It was one thing to read about having a puppy and then to have a puppy home, demanding attention pretty much all day long.
I agree, you should definitely go to your doc and have you checked out...and then give it some time...get used to have a puppy in the house.
As overwhelmed and frustrated I felt first...the more I love and have bonded with T-Bone now.
((((Hugs))))
This is sort of an abstract way to look at things, but....you know how when you're super interested in something, you tend to be really good at it and really like it. Like in school, I was interested in music, English, animal behavior etc....so I excelled there, but I was TERRIBLE in math, wasn't interested in it. Later, when I went into the medical field, I was good in school because it interested me a lot and more education in canine behavior. Other subjects which didn't particularily interest me, I didn't do all that great in.
What if you decide to take an avid interest in the dog, as an individual and as a specie on an intellectual level, learn all you can, read books on training, their early beginnings, nutrition, genetics etc, you'll have an easier time training your pup to be mannerly and plus, you'll be looking at the pup from the standpoint, not only from an emotional level, but as a hobby, an interest, a learning thing...a study. I know this sounds sort of around the bend, maybe even sort of cold... but my thoughts are that if you dive deeply into the puppy, your intellect will over power your emotional thinking or balance with it...(not that your whole thinking is running off of emotions.) And then the rest will fall into place. Once the pup is "civilized" at around a year or two, you will have developed a real bond there and you'll be glad you kept him. They are extreme social creatures, forming very strong bonds, just like we do.
If you don't think things are bound to change though, I agree with those who said that it's better to give him up now while he's a pup than to wait.
I'm sorry you're having these feelings. It may indeed be a by-product of your post partum depression. If you feel strongly about keeping the pup for your kids' sake, perhaps talking to a professional might help sort through this too.
What if you decide to take an avid interest in the dog, as an individual and as a specie on an intellectual level, learn all you can, read books on training, their early beginnings, nutrition, genetics etc, you'll have an easier time training your pup to be mannerly and plus, you'll be looking at the pup from the standpoint, not only from an emotional level, but as a hobby, an interest, a learning thing...a study. I know this sounds sort of around the bend, maybe even sort of cold... but my thoughts are that if you dive deeply into the puppy, your intellect will over power your emotional thinking or balance with it...(not that your whole thinking is running off of emotions.) And then the rest will fall into place. Once the pup is "civilized" at around a year or two, you will have developed a real bond there and you'll be glad you kept him. They are extreme social creatures, forming very strong bonds, just like we do.
If you don't think things are bound to change though, I agree with those who said that it's better to give him up now while he's a pup than to wait.
I'm sorry you're having these feelings. It may indeed be a by-product of your post partum depression. If you feel strongly about keeping the pup for your kids' sake, perhaps talking to a professional might help sort through this too.
Well, you got over your post-partum depression, right? I think it's about the same thing. I totally felt like giving Boris up at first. It was such a huge change in my life, I had to plan my life all around him at first. But then he learned to sit for the first time. He started going outside to pee more regularly. He stopped chewing everything. He stopped waking us up at 5am every morning. We took him to puppy classes, which helped a lot in bonding too. I think it took maybe one month until I felt better about it.
I totally disagree with Poodlemom about puppies being the best times for a dog. It definitely wasn't for me, and frankly it gets much easier as they grow up IMO. But for that you need to train them of course.
That being said, I think you should see a doctor also, maybe they can give you some meds to make you feel better.
I totally disagree with Poodlemom about puppies being the best times for a dog. It definitely wasn't for me, and frankly it gets much easier as they grow up IMO. But for that you need to train them of course.
That being said, I think you should see a doctor also, maybe they can give you some meds to make you feel better.
Fran....me too. Lyric, my Doberman puppy was a puppy from H**l. I couldn't wait for him to grow up...first puppy I really felt that way about..."Hurry and grow. Are you any taller than yesterday?" LOL.
That bond you feel didn't happen for quite a long time, it took longer than with any other dog. I asked about it on a Doberman board and everyone said that they experienced the same thing. It took longer to bond with their pups, but when they did, it was the strongest bond they ever had with a dog. Now, I can vouch for that. He was a monster. The thought ran through my head a few times to send him packing. LOL. He thought his name was "No." Finally, I reversed directions and started using operant conditioning type training/discipline methods and he made a 180 degree turn around. I can't imagine life without him now. He's the love of my life.
Puppies are not easy. But if you arm yourself with education and support from a trainer, you might really get into it but you almost have to take a stand and override the emotional part a little so the scale is balanced.
That bond you feel didn't happen for quite a long time, it took longer than with any other dog. I asked about it on a Doberman board and everyone said that they experienced the same thing. It took longer to bond with their pups, but when they did, it was the strongest bond they ever had with a dog. Now, I can vouch for that. He was a monster. The thought ran through my head a few times to send him packing. LOL. He thought his name was "No." Finally, I reversed directions and started using operant conditioning type training/discipline methods and he made a 180 degree turn around. I can't imagine life without him now. He's the love of my life.
Puppies are not easy. But if you arm yourself with education and support from a trainer, you might really get into it but you almost have to take a stand and override the emotional part a little so the scale is balanced.
What happened with your post-partum? How did you get through that? Maybe you can use some of those tools to get through this. I don't know what might help but some ideas are yoga, meditation, healthy eating/supplements, more sleep, a strict schedule and more exercise. Have you thought about seeing your doctor?