Which is easier?

milos_mommy

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A modern woman should be in control of herself - and that means in control of what she enjoys sexually, even if that means giving up control. Being in control means not letting your shame be in control.
 

Paige

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Nothing wrong with being submissive. I'm a strong woman and I'm sexually submissive.
 

noludoru

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So I've been reading this thread but not really chimed in, but I bought I'd ask you guys about something.

My "thing" is being sexually dominated-this is something that I've only very recently discovered in my 30's. However, I feel a bit ashamed by it, that as a modern woman that is supposed to be in control of herself that being into this is weird and wrong. As you can imagine, I therefore have a lot of trouble "letting go" when I'm having sex, and I end up avoiding it all together. I trust DH and he's good with it-the problem is me...

Any ideas is how to be a bit less repressed?
I don't think that's a problem or your repressed. A problem is having sex with anyone who doesn't or can't consent. Anything else is fair game and is completely acceptable within the bedroom between consenting adults.

First step is talking about it. Here is a great start, and after this, with the DH. He needs to hear everything you just told us. He probably knows you so well that he's already figured it out, but having him hear it and reassure you. Heck, he might be feeling conflicted for the same reasons.

Second, and this is just my opinion. . . That's not something to be ashamed of. Sex is about fun and playing and pleasing one another. I've been dominated, tied up, tied down, dressed up and ordered around. Ive loved every second of it, and what role I play and what I do in the bedroom doesn't change who I am as a person. It hasn't changed my relationship, my independence, or my outlook on my partner. If everyone gets off, we're good. I've also done all of those things to someone else - either for their benefit or our mutual enjoyment. But I like taking control sometimes. :)

Everyone has desires, some of them are healthy and some are unhealthy. I think this falls into the former category if it's something that makes you happy and your DH is willing to do. An example of unhealthy desire would be my interest in emotionally unavailable assholes who verbally abuse me and treat me like crap. That shouldn't be a turn on, but it kind of is. So if you want something like that, maybe avoid it.
 

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