What Would You Do About This Friend?

pitbulliest

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#1
Hi guys. I need some feedback...comments...suggestions..because I'm a little bit lost and hurt.

My boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately..which we are now working on..things are running smoothly for now...but during some of our arguments, I would turn to my good friend for advice, shoulder to cry on, etc...

I thought I could trust her...but I don't know if I still can. My boyfriend used to tell me never to get friends involved into a relationship, because it will never do any good...he was right!

Lately, my friend has been acting sort of strange. She has a boyfriend as well, but they are at their ends...she says she doesn't want to be with him anymore, wants to break up with him, yadda yadda.

She calls my boyfriend alot...her excuse was always that I never picked up my cell..which was true sometimes..but she could always call my house phone...so she always calls my boyfriend because she thinks I"m with him..but when I am there and she calls, she never asks for me or anything...its just kinda uncomfortable for me. My boyfriend doesn't think much of her...he thinks she's kinda weird..that's what he tells me anyways...

She also shows up at his house sometimes without warning...just CUZ...my boyfriend will call me and tell me to come over because she is coming to his house in half an hour...he told me he doesn't like it, but doesn't know how to tell her without being rude...so he calls me to show up before she does so that they aren't alone..but sometimes when I get there shes already over, watching TV or something...

So she went on a trip recently..came back...said she spoke with a psycic..she likes to go to psychics often...but anywho, she calls me today and tells me that she lied to me...last time I spoke with her she told me that the psycic could not read my picture (which I requested for her to do)...but today she calls me and tells me that she lied but didn't want to hurt my feelings...she goes on to say that she told my boyfriend everything and said that he swore to her not to tell me....it was so hurtful...

She goes on saying that my relationship with him will not work out because he will get so far into his career that he'll basically get bored of me...or so claims the psycic..and then she said that the psycic hated me from my picture - she said that I was cruel and mean hearted, and a jealous and evil person!!!!! Especially jealous of my friend!!!!!!!!

WHAT?! I swear I am the least jealous person - I will be the first to stick up for the underdog no matter what! UGH!

And all this time, she's claiming that's what the psycic is telling her...but when I asked her about what the psycic said about MY career, she said the psychic couldn't say any more because she was so disgusted by me as a person, that she refused to do a further reading...

??? Soooo confused!

So it was weird..and to top it all off, she said that she wouldn't have even come out and told me all of this unless she had the weird dream last night (which she never told me about anyways)....she ends the conversation off by telling me in a giggly voice not to be mad at my boyfriend that he didn't tell me - that they were all just trying to protect me from being hurt???

So I don't know about anything now..I'm having a difficult time trusting her...I have a suspicion that she actually likes my boyfriend...my mother doesn't like this girl and thinks the same thing..and my boyfriend's mother told me not to keep contact with her....

I don't know what to think, who to trust...I don't know if I should be angry with my boyfriend....I called him afterwards and we spoke about it...he told me that if I feel that way, than we should both lose friendship with her, because he doesn't give a crap about her and what she says..he told me not to believe her, and told me that when she called him about the psycic, he told her he didn't want to know what she said about me, and that I should be the first to hear it..so now it seems like my friend lied about that too...???

Any comments? I just needed to vent..this all came down so quickly..its very akward..I used to trust this girl so much and tell her alot of personal stuff that I have never told anyone else...not even some other close friends..so its very uncomfortable for me...almost scary that she would change like this? I don't know what her intentions are or what she is thinking?

:(
 

FoxyWench

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#2
first off, a trus psychic will not look at a picture then get a sudden ring of "shes evil mean and jealous" or "her relationships not going to go anywhere" a "real psychic" will NOT discuss a thurd party without the third part present, and will steer the conversation in the direction of the person asking the questions, not to some picture. Besides that unless using specific "aura" photography, any true psychic will tell you other than body languare its IMPOSSIBLE to read someone trully from the photo.
so first off everything shes saying about the psychic i would take with a grain of salt, either shes lying or the "psychic" is just one of the many "i can read palms gimme money" people.

secondly it sounds very much as if this "friend" (and i do use the term loosley) is trying to play on your own fears and self doubt, theres also no doubt in my mind that she thinks there is or could be somehting happen between her and your boyfrined.
I woudl sit down with your man, have a proper discussion about it and id have to agree with him, it might be time to put a little distance between yourself and this "friend" at least for a little while.
 

Aussie Red

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#3
I have a few comments about this.
1.) You trusted her and she is not worthy of your trust
2.) She is very underhanded and sneaky
3.) your boyfriend has told you he is uncomfortable..Wake up she is doing more then you think to make him uncomfortable ie flirting etc.
4.) you need to decide if you want a relationship with him or her but not both
5.) sneaky, deceitful and a back stabber not someone I would call friend
Now as a teen I had a friend much like this and let me tell you as I grew older and married my EX husband she kept finding reasons to come to our home and always while I was at work and after 2 years I am sure she knew my work hours.
You must decide if your boy friend is more important then your friendship with her. From the sound of it you so not have a friendship anyway. A real friend would not act like this.
Given how you describe the way things are you may loose both but then if you do no problem. It may sting a bit but in the long run you will have rid your life of ones who will only lie to you and hurt you. If your boyfriend is not encouraging her then he will tell her to take a hike as well.
 

pitbulliest

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#4
Thanks guys. I spoke with my boyfriend just about half an hour ago actually...he told me this is very strange of her to be telling me all this crap..he says he doesn't trust her..and he says he does not want to talk to her anymore and thinks its best if both me and him stear clear of her AND her boyfriend for awhile.

He told me I shouldn't trust her..and that I shouldn't tell her anything personal anymore...he says he doesn't think she likes him or wants anything from him, but he thinks the whole psychic thing is a load of crap...he agrees that she's sneaky and "weird"...

I'm glad I could talk to him about it and he seemed open..he did tell me I was stupid for trusting her in the first place though..which I guess he's right about now...

This is so sad..I mean, I thought I had a really good friend I could trust and talk to about anything...this all came down on me so quickly its like a bomb just hit me.

What's even funnier is that in the whole psychic deal, this "psychic" only said bad things about me, would not comment on my career and only said wonderful things about my boyfriend...

The entire thing was so negative coming towards her...now that I think about it, a few days ago she said she wants to plan a getaway with her and her boyfriend...she kept asking me what I think about it, whether or not I think its a good idea...whether or not she should do it....

She knew what I thought though...I was always on her side when she had a fight with him..I always used to tell her she's too good for him..that she could do better..that he doesn't treat her like she deserves..it strange that she would ask me what I thought about this sudden planned getaway no? And now she says the psychic claims I'm jealous and deceitful and have negative feeling towards her?

FOR WHAT?

I think she's the one that is insecure and has some strange underlying issues with me AND my boyfriend...not to mention her own..

*sigh*

Again, sorry for the long venting...I am having a difficult time reacting to all of this at once! :(
 

FoxyWench

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#5
unfortunatly boys can be dense as rocks, this screams out that she has a crush on him...

id go with his thoughts, steer clear of both of them for a while. REAL friends dont act that way.
I know what your going through, unfortunatly i was dense for a good few years and ended up with a few "friends" and situations just like this! Including somehting similar with my own man, this chick was blatantly flirting wiht him (and i mean BLATANTLY) and he honestly thought she was just "being nice" by flattering him..*twitch* sometimes they need a reality check, sounds like yours has a good head on his shoulders in terms of knowing that theres somehting not right with this chicky though!
 
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#6
Sounds to me like steering clear of her is putting it mildly.

This is from experience. Cut that relationship off; you and your boyfriend do it together, or even better, let him tell her. That way it cuts off her route to try to run behind your back to him and make you the villain. You don't need to explain anything to her. Not only does she know exactly why you'd cut her off, but she doesn't deserve an explanation.

Keeping a friendship with someone like that is like sharing a sleeping bag with a scorpion.
 

joce

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#7
Drop her asap. Like literally call her now and tell her never to call you or your bf again.

She wants your bf plain and simple. that wouldn't be a friendship breaking deal is she didn't try to sabatage your relationship but thats exactly what she is trying to do.

And just because I am pure evil at times I'd call her bf and tell him to keep her away from your boy. She may be telling you they are having it out but he may think things are fine.

girls can be evil and sneaky-I know;)
 

Baxter'smybaby

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#8
Ditto all of the above--sounds like she does not have your interests in mind--only her own! I would add that when/if you decide to terminate your friendship with her, I would prepare yourself for some "retaliation talk" from her---you can be sure if she is talking this way now, she will get worse when you put the brakes on your friendship. I think it is easier to deal with such stuff when you are mentally prepared for it--so you don't hurt so much emotionally. Sounds like you could do much better in the friend department!
 

bubbatd

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#10
LOL !!! I had such a sheltered normal life ..... Friends were friends ... whether boy or girl !
 

pitbulliest

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#11
thanks for all the support you guys. I don't think I can honestly trust her anymore, but my boyfriend mentioned to me that i should play it cool for now..act as if nothing happened just to make sure she doesn't feel in control of the situation...he told me I should do that, and find out what her deal is for being such a b*tch lately...

lol duh..she likes you :p

But anywho..thanks u guys...
I just hope she's not messed up enough to make up some crap and use it against me by saying bull to my boyfriend...these kinds of people can do everything..especially if they have lied and manipulated a friend for over 6 years now...:(
 

Roxy's CD

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#12
DITCH HER!

Girls, who are in bad relationships, and see their friends in good ones are THE DEVIL! They'll play you like a poker hand!

IMO, your boyfriend though should've manned up and told her to take a hike though if she showed up at his house. Or completely avoided her phone calls with a, "Sorry, ____ isn't here. Gotta go bye" PERIOD!

Really, what I would do. Is get my bf, and this girl in the same room and put everything out in the open. And then if your suspicions are true about your so called friend, tell her that you no longer want to speak with her, hang out with her, and make sure your boyfriend tells her the same.

ACK! Some women!! Get your own!! LOL
 

joce

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#13
End it now-that you being on top,not her.

It kinda worries me your bf is kinda sticking up for her-or at least not kicking her out the door.
 

SharkyX

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#14
Get rid of her... she's weird and obviously a bitch... and not in the normal way we use that term on a dog forum :p
He's blind as a bat but he may not be paying much attention as he thinks she's weird and what not so he may feel uncomfortable around her enough to begin with.
As time goes on your friends don't always turn out to be who they were when you first met... people change. such is life.
 

keyodie

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#15
Eh well, I wouldn't ditch her right now. There might be a reason she's acting so bitchy, a good reason. Just try to stay away from her for a while. Do NOT pretend like nothing ever happened. She needs to know that you were hurt by what you did and that you are mad at her, and also that you may seriously be considering "breaking up" with her. Give her the cold shoulder if you have to.

If she keeps doing what she is doing (hanging out with your bf, lying to you, etc.), ditch her. But for right now, she is still that good friend you had for so long and you might not want to be so quick to stop being her friend. Just let her know somehow that you are furious.

Just what I think.
 

pitbulliest

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#16
well I talked to her..she claims she did nothing wrong..she claims that its her prerogative whether she tells me something or not..and she claims that I'm being immature and taking things out of proportion.

She said my boyfriend is lying to me..that she really did tell him all this stuff and he himself chose not to tell me (which I am having trouble believing)...I need to confront him about this whole deal anyways..

So, I guess that settles it with her...I really don't even FEEL like being her friend anymore..just sick of this..sick of her..can't trust her anymore so whats the point?...
 

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