The Venting Thread

GipsyQueen

Active Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2007
Messages
6,079
Likes
0
Points
36
Age
32
Location
Germany
I can see how that would be very frustrating. I would feel very similar. Is it a subconscious (or perhaps not so much) issue on his part of not actually wanting you to move out? I have a coworker whose father did something similar when she was looking to move out. She did eventually just find a place (she rents) and move. He does still just pop into her house without asking though..

Probably more financially taxing, but it may just work best to move in and have someone come install the water heater when you're able to
I honestly thought the same thing - it sounds like he doesn't WANT you to move out. Especially since the water heater seems to be the only major thing keeping you from moving in. :(
 

SoCrafty

New Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2011
Messages
505
Likes
0
Points
0
Location
US
It sounds like he doesn't want you to move out. You might just need to move in without those things being done. This has to be so frustrating for you.
 

Beanie

Clicker Cult Coordinator
Joined
May 17, 2006
Messages
14,012
Likes
0
Points
36
Age
39
Location
Illinois
Trying to prevent me from moving out is the only answer I can come up with too. I told my sister a few weeks ago I thought that was the case too. I don't understand though. I already BOUGHT the house. This isn't like when she was moving out to rent and he could have somehow prevented her from going out and renting, I BOUGHT it, I have a contract, I have a mortgage... you can't really stop it. It's already done... and it doesn't even make any sense. JUST STOP WORKING ON IT. Stop doing things you don't need to do. Take your tools and go home. Problem solved.

I don't know, maybe part of it is he is retired now and working on the house is a big part of what he does, so he wants to continue feeling needed? So that's why he keeps inventing things that "need" to be done? That doesn't make sense either because there are only about a million things that "need" to be done in my parents house too. And he doesn't need to go anywhere to do those.

Or more simply he just doesn't want to lose being able to control me.

Last year I said "I'm finished with this, I am moving in on this date regardless of what it or isn't done." The next day he went in and tore out my bathroom because we suspected water damage in the floor and the wall (which there was.) No tub, no TOILET. I accused my mom at that point of orchestrating that so I couldn't follow through on my plans and she denied it, but the timing was awfully convenient. "Well this just HAD to be done before you could move in because you obviously couldn't be living here without a toilet!!" There was no toilet in my house for almost two months.


My friend's husband is a general contractor and she told me he would help me. I asked her last week about helping me with the water heater and she said she would ask and was "sure" he could help - but I haven't heard anything since. Most of my other friends are basically useless... not that they can't help, they just won't. All I really need is an extra set of hands and nobody will do anything. It's me and nobody to help me except my dad who is apparently sabotaging the whole thing.
FML.
 
Joined
Sep 17, 2014
Messages
493
Likes
0
Points
16
Location
Minnesota
Wow. I would be so frustrated too! I think I would just move in, or if you had the funds, to call someone to install the water heater, and then maybe let your dad know that you have someone coming on ___ day to install it. Maybe he will install it before that day comes, and you don't have to spend the extra money.

If you think he will sabotage you from moving in again if you said something like that, just don't tell him and have someone do it and move in.

I think it is really nice that he is helping you out with all of this stuff, but in imagine it is costing you money too. So if you want him gone, just say you can't afford to keep doing these projects right now and won't be spending more money on improvements for awhile, but you could tell him that you will call him when you have the money and are ready to make another home improvement.

But yeah, I would really just move in and then I think he would back off a little since now you are gone, if all this is because he isn't wanting you to move out. You just need to rip off the band aid and move out.
 

Snark

Mutts to you
Joined
Mar 27, 2006
Messages
4,023
Likes
0
Points
0
Location
Midwest
Kind of sounds like a control thing... I'm not good at confrontations but I think I would sit down with my dad and tell him I love him but the house is MINE, it's MY name on the mortgage, not his. I need A, B, & C done, in that order, and I will hire a contractor to do it, because I WANT TO LIVE IN MY HOUSE and ARRANGE it the way I LIKE. He is welcome to visit (after calling to see if I'm home) and I would love his help or advice on projects WHEN I need them done. If he doesn't have time, that's okay, too. You can find out how to do just about anything on YouTube...

PS - I would seriously consider changing the locks so your dad can't just go in whenever he feels like it. Also, call your friend's husband and ask to hire him, so he knows you want it done right away, not just as a favor. Hopefully he won't charge you the full rate. You could also ask if he can do other work around the house or could recommend another trustworthy person.
 

Grab

Active Member
Joined
Jan 13, 2005
Messages
3,374
Likes
2
Points
36
Trying to prevent me from moving out is the only answer I can come up with too. I told my sister a few weeks ago I thought that was the case too. I don't understand though. I already BOUGHT the house. This isn't like when she was moving out to rent and he could have somehow prevented her from going out and renting, I BOUGHT it, I have a contract, I have a mortgage... you can't really stop it. It's already done... and it doesn't even make any sense. JUST STOP WORKING ON IT. Stop doing things you don't need to do. Take your tools and go home. Problem solved.

I don't know, maybe part of it is he is retired now and working on the house is a big part of what he does, so he wants to continue feeling needed? So that's why he keeps inventing things that "need" to be done? That doesn't make sense either because there are only about a million things that "need" to be done in my parents house too. And he doesn't need to go anywhere to do those.

Or more simply he just doesn't want to lose being able to control me.

Last year I said "I'm finished with this, I am moving in on this date regardless of what it or isn't done." The next day he went in and tore out my bathroom because we suspected water damage in the floor and the wall (which there was.) No tub, no TOILET. I accused my mom at that point of orchestrating that so I couldn't follow through on my plans and she denied it, but the timing was awfully convenient. "Well this just HAD to be done before you could move in because you obviously couldn't be living here without a toilet!!" There was no toilet in my house for almost two months.


My friend's husband is a general contractor and she told me he would help me. I asked her last week about helping me with the water heater and she said she would ask and was "sure" he could help - but I haven't heard anything since. Most of my other friends are basically useless... not that they can't help, they just won't. All I really need is an extra set of hands and nobody will do anything. It's me and nobody to help me except my dad who is apparently sabotaging the whole thing.
FML.
Does your area have a local FB group? In my area, people often post in the "buy,sell,trade" local group. More than once, I've seen people post, looking for handyman services, yard services, etc and people will often respond if they can do the work reasonably. Because they do it often, you can usually get references. It is a nice way to utilize someone's skills who may not have their own business, but have the skillset to do things.

With the history of the toilet issue, it definitely sounds like he's trying to prevent your moving out. Though you own your house, his actions are still keeping you in their house. How frustrating :(
 

Beanie

Clicker Cult Coordinator
Joined
May 17, 2006
Messages
14,012
Likes
0
Points
36
Age
39
Location
Illinois
I think it is really nice that he is helping you out with all of this stuff, but in imagine it is costing you money too. So if you want him gone, just say you can't afford to keep doing these projects right now and won't be spending more money on improvements for awhile, but you could tell him that you will call him when you have the money and are ready to make another home improvement.
I tried that and he just goes "oh well I'll pay for this one." =/ I do think you're on to something that if I just moved out it would probably stop, if the bandaid were ripped off reality would set in and that would be it. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking.


I honestly think the changing the locks thing is a little harsh but I've been thinking for a LONG time that yes, I do want to change my locks. Lie and say I lost my key on a run, so I had to change the locks... then keep "forgetting" to make them a copy of the new key. I know it might be harsh but I also want some boundaries here. My family is horrible at boundaries. After I bought the house my grandma was like "oh well we'll come see it when you're ready to show it to us." Three days later they just SHOW UP at the house. I'm up on a ladder painting my ceiling and they're knocking at the door wanting to come in and get a tour. My parents were there with me and my dad let them in. I was furious and told my mom to get rid of them. "I can't" she said. I just wouldn't have let them in if it were just me. That's rude. No. So I can absolutely see a case where my dad would just show up and let himself in and I would come home from work to find out he's started renovating my bedroom closet or something...

I don't mean to sound ungrateful but this has just... gone on long enough. It's the last straw to making my house feel like it's completely out of my control, I can't deal with it anymore. I don't have my friend's husbands phone number but I am going to text her today and see if he's able to at least come over and look at the house, see what I still need done, and give me an estimate. He won't charge me his full rate, I know because he has done some stuff for other friends and is always happy to give them a break. But I think if I just say "Dave is coming to put the water heater in" either my dad will do it ahead of time or he'll just have to deal with somebody else doing it. And that's the thing to do.
 

joce

Active Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2005
Messages
4,448
Likes
0
Points
36
Age
40
Location
Ohio
Sucks to pay for it but water heater and cost to have a plumber put it in are not that much. Call one and move in and change the locks.

This happened to my friend. She bought her house and continued to live with her parents for five years. Her house was a show piece by the time she did move and it was only because we finally pointed out there was nothing else to be done and she needed to sell it or use it. She had the basement flood and not know for weeks because she was never there. Lots of damage. She argues bills were lower with no one there. Well sell the house and you'd have no bills!

Parents manipulate sometimes I think without thinking about it. They want you in the home so no empty nest and dad wants something to work on. I don't think they are trying to hurt you! They just don't know what to do with themselves.
 

milos_mommy

Active Member
Joined
Oct 14, 2006
Messages
15,349
Likes
0
Points
36
I wouldn't pull the whole "i lost the key" and forgetting to give it to them, thing. I'd straight up tell them you aren't comfortable with them having the key because they're not respecting your boundaries and that it's YOUR house. Yeah they'll be really mad, but they'll get over it fast. It's better than changing the locks and having them banging on your door every hour telling you they'll go make a copy of your key for themselves.


I'm applying for internships and OMG this is the worst. It'd be one thing to just have to send a resume and cover letter, but most of them have their own freakin' application, want an essay on why I'm interested in the field, need letters of reference from XYZ (an employer, a teacher, someone who's known me 5 years, ETC), and so on. I'm thinking in order to secure one I'm going to need to apply to between 20-50 (that seems to be the consensus) and it's taking me between an hour and three to apply to EACH one.
 

Melle

New Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2014
Messages
305
Likes
0
Points
0
Location
Philadelphia, PA
Ugh, first two days back at the zoo my bus route completely skipped its time slot and now after I decided to catch an earlier one and went to bed on time I somehow woke up to the first alarm but slept through the even louder second. Why doesn't the universe want my zoo job to go right!
 

teacuptiger

floor dancer
Joined
Jul 10, 2013
Messages
1,447
Likes
0
Points
36
I have a blister on the bottom of my foot.

Guess it's time to replace my poor old, duct-taped steel toed boots. This makes me have a sad because they are my favorite.

And I just had to replace my old converse, too, because not only did they have holes in the bottom, but they've gotten giant holes in the sides too.

But srsly, HATE having blisters. Usually only get them on my heels (oddly enough, the heels of my socks and shoes always wear out super fast, too), but I've never had blisters on the bottom of my foot.
 

*blackrose

"I'm kupo for kupo nuts!"
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
7,065
Likes
3
Points
38
Age
33
Location
WI
I can talk with and message my husband and not get that deep ache of missing him....but hearing him brush his teeth while we Skype? *sigh* :(

We're halfway there. 4 more months. Come on, August, be here already.
 

teacuptiger

floor dancer
Joined
Jul 10, 2013
Messages
1,447
Likes
0
Points
36
Woke up to a migraine.

The sound of a washing machine is incredibly obnoxious in my room.

My brains are gonna fall out, I'm telling you. My skull is gonna shatter with all this noise, and then my brains are gonna fall right out of my head.

Oh my gods. I need a soundproof room where no light can come in. Or, migraines could just kindly go extinct...
 

Ozfozz

Highbread Dingbat
Joined
Jan 21, 2014
Messages
1,329
Likes
3
Points
38
Location
Ontario
This morning I found my cockatiel, whom I've had for about 14 years and was an adult when I got her, dead on the bottom of her cage.

When I texted the news to Josh, his first response was "Who's Shreds, is that the rabbit?"
The bird's name was Shreddies; the rabbit's name is Reeses (like the chocolate). So at first I was taken back a bit and corrected him. Then he said "maybe stop owning so many pets?"
I wanted to rip into him right then and there that if it's ever down to him or the pets that he doesn't have a hope in hell. He apologized for the "misunderstanding" but I don't think he got how much the pet comment cut me.
But I just told him I'd talk to him later.

If this were a new relationship it'd be different, but it's been over 4 years and the damned bird has been here longer than all the dogs.
Then hours went by and I didn't respond. I was working then went out for a late-lunch with a friend that I only see every few months because she lives so far away.

Now he's upset with me because I didn't bother to shoot him a "quick text" throughout the day. I figured it was something I wanted to approach with a more thought out talk.
But apparently I'm the bad guy here. I know I'm over reacting, but *&^*%&
 

Grab

Active Member
Joined
Jan 13, 2005
Messages
3,374
Likes
2
Points
36
This morning I found my cockatiel, whom I've had for about 14 years and was an adult when I got her, dead on the bottom of her cage.

When I texted the news to Josh, his first response was "Who's Shreds, is that the rabbit?"
The bird's name was Shreddies; the rabbit's name is Reeses (like the chocolate). So at first I was taken back a bit and corrected him. Then he said "maybe stop owning so many pets?"
I wanted to rip into him right then and there that if it's ever down to him or the pets that he doesn't have a hope in hell. He apologized for the "misunderstanding" but I don't think he got how much the pet comment cut me.
But I just told him I'd talk to him later.

If this were a new relationship it'd be different, but it's been over 4 years and the damned bird has been here longer than all the dogs.
Then hours went by and I didn't respond. I was working then went out for a late-lunch with a friend that I only see every few months because she lives so far away.

Now he's upset with me because I didn't bother to shoot him a "quick text" throughout the day. I figured it was something I wanted to approach with a more thought out talk.
But apparently I'm the bad guy here. I know I'm over reacting, but *&^*%&
I think I'd be upset too. Not only have you had your pet for 14 years, you had him for the entire time of your relationship. Four years is plenty of time to learn names, regardless of how many pets you have.
 

FG167

Active Member
Joined
Apr 11, 2012
Messages
2,709
Likes
0
Points
36
Location
Jefferson, GA
This morning I found my cockatiel, whom I've had for about 14 years and was an adult when I got her, dead on the bottom of her cage.

When I texted the news to Josh, his first response was "Who's Shreds, is that the rabbit?"
The bird's name was Shreddies; the rabbit's name is Reeses (like the chocolate). So at first I was taken back a bit and corrected him. Then he said "maybe stop owning so many pets?"
I wanted to rip into him right then and there that if it's ever down to him or the pets that he doesn't have a hope in hell. He apologized for the "misunderstanding" but I don't think he got how much the pet comment cut me.
But I just told him I'd talk to him later.

If this were a new relationship it'd be different, but it's been over 4 years and the damned bird has been here longer than all the dogs.
Then hours went by and I didn't respond. I was working then went out for a late-lunch with a friend that I only see every few months because she lives so far away.

Now he's upset with me because I didn't bother to shoot him a "quick text" throughout the day. I figured it was something I wanted to approach with a more thought out talk.
But apparently I'm the bad guy here. I know I'm over reacting, but *&^*%&
I don't think you're overreacting. I would be hurt and furious.
 

Members online

No members online now.
Top