Do you want a medal for "Best Child Ever"? You seriously mean that your mother never imposed rules, made you mad because you had to stay home to mow the lawn instead of going out to the movies for the 8th time that week? I imagine your parents were still PARENTS and weren't "oh, hey, buddy-child, yeah go do whatever the fsck you want, it's cool, 'cause we're buddies. Oh, no curfew for you, yeah it's totally awesome if you have your friends over for a kegger, because I'm your cool buddy like that".
I never had a curfew...I never needed one. I didn't ever want to go out with friends really, and so I rarely did. I never had limits set on my phone usage, because I never talked on the phone (I hate the phone). I never had to be told I can't go to the movies because I hate theatres - I've only been to a movie theatre once, when I was maybe 4 or 5, and I don't plan to ever go again. I volunteered to wash dishes 2or 3 times a day because I LOVED to play in the water. It gave me an excuse to run water in the sink, one of my favorite things (that being said I'd get yelled at for running water for no reason, so I learned that when they asked what I was doing, I should turn the water off, say "Nothing!" and go to a different sink. In hindsight, I'm positive that was one of my stims as a child, as it's one of my stims to this very day :lol-sign
. When I was a young child, I was more trouble than once I was in the last couple years of elementary school and later. I NEVER got in trouble in school. We had a "Penny system" in first grade, where you had to pay a penny (fake pennies) if you got in trouble. You could save the pennies and buy stuff at the end of the week. If you saved enough, you could go out to lunch with the teacher. I did that many times. Once the entire class had to pay a penny, for something trivial at that. I did nothing wrong, but I obliged...then started crying (only the 2nd time I've ever cried in school, and the last time I ever cried in school). I was asked what was wrong, told the teacher, and then told him the people in addition to myself that didn't do anything wrong (there were 4 or 5 of us), and we all got our pennies back. Not because I cired, but because it really WAS unjust to punsih those that did nothing wrong just to make sure those who did something wrong got punished, and I was a very honest and trustworthy student (I still find it very hard to lie...withholding information is much easer
) I never had to be told to do my homework because for the first few years I had homework I LIKED it (I don't know wtf was wrong with me lmao).
As I said earlier, it was rarely explained to me at home why I was punished. In school I heard all the explanations why someone else was punished for something, and I learned that it wasn't a good thing to do, so I didn't do it. Once, there was a boy in my class that was missing something, so he went through other students' desks looking for it The teacher told him it wasn't a good thing to do because everyone needs some privacy. Then he told everyone else to go look in that kid's desk. I didn't like that, because we were all lines up and made to look. I just glanced in and was irritated, because after all he didn't go rummaging through MY desk, so I felt it wasn't my place to go looking through his. Other kids took it as a free-for-all and moved his stuff around and everything. I felt sorry for the kid
I stand corrected - I was talked to sternly by my 3rd grade teacher because my folders were messy. She told me I needed to organize them so I could find everything I needed. She then (as an example) asked me yo get something out. I opened my folder and pulled the paper out and give it to her instantly. I did the same for 2 or 3 other things, then she apologized because apparently I knew where everything was. (She was my favorite teacher EVAR).
Once when i was older say 8 or 9 my mum kicked me out of the house and told me never to come back ever again. It was dark and I was scared of the dark and I honestly thought she meant it. She left me out there for half an hour before she told me to come in and do my homework she never said she was sorry she just carried on as normal .
Had my parents done that to me, I would have left and not come back. Even at 8 or 9. My parents did on more than on occasion threaten to call and have me taken away. I dared them to once, and nothing happened. Of course when I tell them about it now, they deny it ever happened
(In retrospect, the following is really just a rant, so read if you want, but it's really not that important to the discussion. But I took the time to type it all out, I'm not deleting it now :rofl1
As I said before, I'm not against physical punishment as long as it's explained and not unnecessarily brutal. I don't care if you think you kid can't understand - try anyway. It can't hurt anything to explain WHY they were punished even if they are very young. I don't think swatting a butt on occasion in and of itself is lazy, but I think not explaining it is. So what if they're too young to understand, at least you'll be well in the habit of explaining by the time they can fully understand. All not explaining things did for me was teach me to withhold information from my parents. from about 2nd grade on I only told my parents things I knew they would approve of. I didn't tell my parents when I found out one of my friends was spreading rumors about me. I didn't tell my parents that I didn't have any real friends throughout school (my mom swears up and down I had hordes of friends in school...nobody ever came over though, I never went anywhere with anyone, I rarely got invited to a party, and when I did it was something where everyone got invited). I didn't tell them that one time I kept on talking in school after I knew we were supposed to stop on purpose just to make my teacher happy (she had said at a conference that she wished she could tell me to be quiet once, but in the 3 years she was my teacher [2nd, 4th and 5th grade] she never got to...I took it seriously and wanted to make her happy...oddly enough, she was actually pleased lol). I didn't tell them that my orchestra director my sophomore year in high school pissed me off so much I almost gave up on music altogether. I didn't tell her about all the times I forgot about homework in high school and ended up doing it in the bathroom with the door locked and a flashlight until 3 in the morning. Even today I'm not comfortable sharing information with people. I never had any intentions of telling my parents after I got diagnosed with an ASD for fear of how they'd respond - I did however tell my little brother (whom I have always trusted, and he really is my best friend), and then he told them. As I predicted, my mom said it was ridiculous and there was no way I was autistic. It was nearly a year later when she finally accepted my diagnosis, and only because I planted a fact sheet on ASDs where she would read it. I didn't tell my parents when I had my first date (just a few weeks before I turned 21). I didn't tell my parents when I had a short-term long-distance relationship (shortly after I turned 21). I'm not planning on telling them that I new have realized I'm actually asexual and don't plan on ever having another date. I'm not telling them I plan on getting a service dog. It took months before I told them I changed from a bio major to a psych major and no longer wanted to become a vet - I only told them when I would be obvious that that's what I was doing, as they do ask what classes I'm taking. They still don't know that I'm planning on training dogs for adults on the spectrum, and not dogs for traditional disabilities (though my dad did show me a tether article last week
). They know so little about me.
