Recently, we lost my grandfather. He was 91 years old. He and my grandmother were married for 63 years. She is 83 years old. She basically just used to watch whatever he wanted to on tv (usually it was sports,but she didn't mind, she is like me and enjoys them). But now if you go over there, she just seems kinda lost, which is understandable. My dad talked her into turning on the tv and watching some stuff, because she would just kind of sit there in silence. I am trying to figure out some things she might enjoy doing, by herself, to pass the time. She doesn't get around real well, so she doesn't just get out and about by herself. She used to cross stitch but her arthritis got too bad to be able to do it anymore. I've never really seen her read, either. So, I'm a little at a loss here. I have been brain storming but I thought some fresh perspective might help out. I appreciate all thoughts and ideas. Thanks!
Need advice on how to help grandmother
- Thread starter bogolove
- Start date
I'm so sorry for your loss 
I can't imagine how hard that must be on your grandma.
You mention that she has trouble getting around...as a physical therapist...I wouldn't be abiding by my oath if I didn't encourage that she get moving...even if its just a little bit. Too often the elderly are discouraged or 'excused' from movement, but this is just detrimental to their health & lives.
I think it would be great if you could get her active in some sort of group activity....water aerobics maybe? If she is put off by the thought of aerobics, then a group of any sort...knitting club, card games,book club...anything. She really needs to be around people & make new friends...i'm sure it will be really tough for her at first, but if she can build a support group of a few friends around her age, this will benefit her in sooo many ways.
I think its good to obviously find stuff for her to pass the time herself, but I don't think this will give her the support she needs. If she is able to get involved in more social activities, spending time alone when she has to will be much easier (after all, she can read the great book her friend suggested...watch some movie her friends were raving about, etc etc)
She is lucky to have such a loving grandchild Hopefully you guys find something!!!
I can't imagine how hard that must be on your grandma.You mention that she has trouble getting around...as a physical therapist...I wouldn't be abiding by my oath if I didn't encourage that she get moving...even if its just a little bit. Too often the elderly are discouraged or 'excused' from movement, but this is just detrimental to their health & lives.
I think it would be great if you could get her active in some sort of group activity....water aerobics maybe? If she is put off by the thought of aerobics, then a group of any sort...knitting club, card games,book club...anything. She really needs to be around people & make new friends...i'm sure it will be really tough for her at first, but if she can build a support group of a few friends around her age, this will benefit her in sooo many ways.
I think its good to obviously find stuff for her to pass the time herself, but I don't think this will give her the support she needs. If she is able to get involved in more social activities, spending time alone when she has to will be much easier (after all, she can read the great book her friend suggested...watch some movie her friends were raving about, etc etc)
She is lucky to have such a loving grandchild
Hopefully you guys find something!!!I agree, you have some great advice. She really can't get around without help though. She can't even dress herself, she has help come in. She has a walker and she was fine, but recently we found out that she has NO rotator cuff left in her right arm, and the doctor is afraid if they operate on it that she is too frail to survive it, because it is such ahard surgery, supposedly. She can't lift that arm higher than to her mouth. She even has a special recliner that lifts her so she doesn't have to put pressure on her right shoulder. I think she would do well around others. She is very lively and loves to talk when people are around. I hate that she is alone so much.
Your grandma probably is lost. Her routines are shot to heck AND she's lonely. My best advice is to go see her as often as you can. If there is a game on that you are watching, give her a call and talk about that. Send her letters in the mail even if you live in the same town. Keep her mind moving about day to day stuff...share even the most mundane (to you) things. Does her helper open the curtains/blinds for her every day? If not, and Grandma wouldn't mind, see if they would start. Seeing the sun and weather feeds the soul and keeps the mind in the present. Would she enjoy watching a bird feeder? Of course, someone would have to fill it often, but a big one might last 3 or 4 days once the birds really get going on it. Birds can be a little soap opera to watch...the witchy ones, the scaredy-cat ones, the bullies.
Sorry to hear about your gramp... Maybe all your granny needs is a company... Try to gather all her friends at a time... A reunion perhaps... She will sure enjoy it... Hmmm...
It happened to my mom too when we lost dad. But she couldn't fight the loneliness (they're both resting in peace now, If I could just turn back time though )...
Best wishes to you and your family... Hugs to your granny...
It happened to my mom too when we lost dad. But she couldn't fight the loneliness (they're both resting in peace now, If I could just turn back time though
)... Best wishes to you and your family... Hugs to your granny...
I think just take over some cookies and some tea, or pound cake, or a beer for that matter...something she likes and have a visit. WE play Flinch at our house, its an old card game, but what I think my Mom wants most is to talk,,to have me sit down and not rush through. WE can't even play duets on the piano anymore which is way sad for me.. Maybe you can ask to help organize old photographs..or ask to go through them if you haven't seen them for a long time. IF she knits you could ask to learn. Or dig out some old recipes...some skill a woman would like to hand down. My mother is 85, and tv is kind of a bust, she really doesn't enjoy it ( or approve of a lot that is on) and she can't see it well...it's all too dark according to her. I do bring books on tape which if i select carefully enough is something she gets some good out of. Mom kept herself busy for quite some time going through old letters and writing them down in order for us to all read. Maybe help find old friends from the past. Someone she hasn't heard of for awhile and drop them a letter. THat's about all i can think of for now.
I would look into some sort of senior care facility during the days (basically senior day care). I think these are becoming more and more common; I know my area has some good facilities. They provide seniors with activities (including physical activities) and are great for socialization. I think it would be great for your grandma.
To echo what others have said, in my opinion, socialization and involvement in some sort of activity (-ies) is important. So, if the senior day care isn't an option, how about becoming involved in something else, like a religious institution (if she is religious)? My grandparents read to the blind and otherwise disabled (they create "books on tape," too). Can she get around well enough to do some other kinds of volunteer work?
To echo what others have said, in my opinion, socialization and involvement in some sort of activity (-ies) is important. So, if the senior day care isn't an option, how about becoming involved in something else, like a religious institution (if she is religious)? My grandparents read to the blind and otherwise disabled (they create "books on tape," too). Can she get around well enough to do some other kinds of volunteer work?
ugh, thats no good. Did she go to PT or anything? I can't imagine that she is missing her entire RC..its prob just her supraspinatus (which would be the muscle that would help her lift it past her mouth)...is it very painful for her? Some old school doctors kinda disregard the elderly when it comes to exercise & what they are capable of. This was one of my fave populations to work with in the clinic (i'm a student that just went on rotations)...they themselves are always amazed at what they can accomplish & always feel soo much better after. Plus, at our clinic, it def served as a social hour...so thats very important too.
A PT's goal is to make their patient's as independent as possible....I would have to know more about her, but chances are, she may be able to dress herself & become more independent than you think
A PT's goal is to make their patient's as independent as possible....I would have to know more about her, but chances are, she may be able to dress herself & become more independent than you think
I don't have any better ideas than the good ones you've already gotten. I just want to say how sorry I am and understand your frustration. I dread the time when my Dad goes if he goes before my Mom. Her whole life has revolved around him...cooking for him, cleaning, watching whatever he wants on TV. She has no outside interests at all. It's awful. And you, being the grandchild must feel so helpless. It's so tough when they get so old, they can't do what they use to do. My heart goes out to you and your Grandma.