my best friend told me I shouldn't have kids

[wcladymacbeth]

I think she was joking. But she said it about 4 times the other day so I think she was part serious. I watched her 17 month old for her. Btw, I have NO experience with kids.. especially babies. I did a good job I think - at least the kid was alive and well when she was returned and I don't think she swallowed very much that she wasn't supposed to. The reason she said I shouldn't have kids is because I don't like snot - at all.. and the kid had a runny nose. I dealt with it tho. I kept her face clean. But then we got pizza, and they let her finger about 8 slices, and I just said, "Gross, don't do that." And she said, "Wow, you really shouldn't have kids. What's the big deal? She's clean." Well the big deal was I could see visible dirt on her hands, I knew they hadn't washed them, and I just watched her wipe snot on them all day. But I didn't say that because .. well, she's my best friend, and what she said hurt my feelings, so I just didn't say anything. And then her and her husband said it like 3 more times before we parted ways. They said I could be the dog lady and just watch everyone's kids for them.

I'm not ready for kids, of course, but I do intend to have some someday. I think life would be pretty dull without them. Someday. And I imagine I'll get used to all the yucky secretions that kids make. And it probably won't matter as much when it's my own. Right? Am I going to be that bad of a mom if I get grossed out by snot?! It's not like I vomit, I just dislike it, and I'm not going to wipe a booger with my bare hand.

 

[JennSLK]

I was the exact same, but when its your own kids snot, its not AS gross.

As for the pizza, ewww. Personaly I think that teaches them bad manners as well. You can touch the food on your own plate. I always wash Katies hands before eating as well. It gets into a routine for when they are older.

 

[Snark]

They said you shouldn't have kids because THEY were outstandingly rude?? After you did them the favor of watching their child?? I doubt any reasonable person wants their food fingered by a kid (or adult) and you're entitled to object. I don't think I'd be too willing to babysit their kid in the future and if they ask why, tell 'em you took their comments about being unfit to be a parent to heart and don't feel qualified to watch their little darling.

 

[MericoX]

With both my sister and SIL, when they had their first kid, it was like the first month of them being bored they'd always be running to the bathroom to throw up due to throw up, yucky diaper, etc. It was somewhat hilarious. But they got over it, and don't think twice about cleaning up those kinds of messes.

 

[zoe08]

No one likes dealing with snot, it is just something you do. Though I will say when you do have kids, you will probably grab boogers with your bare hands at some point, because the kleenex or aspirator just isn't doing the job right. And your shirt/arms will be covered in snot because as you go to reach for the kleenex with a baby in your arms, the baby wipes his face all over you before you can get the kleenex to his nose.

As for letting your kid touch all the food... THAT is gross. I don't care who you are, kid, adult, clean or not, you just don't touch every piece of pizza or whatever.

I am terrified of the day Mason gets his first stomach bug, because I don't deal with vomit at all. But I am sure I will deal with it the way I deal with his snotty nose and really nasty smelling diapers.

Those moments are gross and in that moment you may wonder what you were thinking, but 5 seconds later they smile at you, and you forget all about it.

 

[ACooper]

You will get used to all the "yucky secretions" they make Wc, LOL.......because it's YOUR child.

I have changed so many butts, wiped so much snot, and cleaned up so much puke.........but for MY OWN kids. It STILL grosses me out when it's someone else's kid, ROFL. Yes, your kid's poopy diaper will still stink, and yes, their snot will still be slimy, but you don't view it the same at all, one of the mechanisms God put into place to help us cope and continue to have another, ahhahahaha
Think of cleaning up after your dog. I have scooped poop, mopped up vomit, and any other mess they've made in the house. Do I like it? Heck no, but I love them and they are my responsibility so I do it. How much MORE will you love your CHILD than your DOG? (answer.........tons and tons and tons )

As far as letting the kid touch any food she wanted? Erm, NO......your friend is nuts. That's poor manners she is teaching and she shouldn't be. Touching your OWN food on your OWN plate is fine, but otherwise is a NO NO.

 

[bubbatd]

I hate snotty noses ! Luckily they learn to blow !

 

[smkie]

I think they were deflecting their inadequacy on you. THat way you might not notice their not that great at it. I wouldn't let any child finger food like that.

 

[xpaeanx]

As far as letting the kid touch any food she wanted? Erm, NO......your friend is nuts. That's poor manners she is teaching and she shouldn't be. Touching your OWN food on your OWN plate is fine, but otherwise is a NO NO.

I agree. That's seriously gross, and it actually really irks me when parents don't stop their children from doing these kinds of things. And, it's even more so disgusting, because that child was SICK! Manners start from the moment a child is born, if they grow up knowing they can/can't do something it's 2nd nature.... if they have to reteach themselves later, well... they're going to p!ss off a lot of people and have a hard time of it.

 

[nancy2394]

I don't like snot and drool... but unfortunately.. it's a major part of being a child. I have had to use my bare hand to wipe snot away and it was soooo gross! I can't tell you how many times I've had to use my own clothing on my body to wipe away snot. And for some reason, when I became a mom, it was like it came with the automatic license to dig those flapping crusty boogers out of your kids nose at any given time..lol

I would have been hurt by what your friend said. Just because you don't like snot does not mean you won't be a good mom. I would have had to say something to her when she pointed out more than once that you should never have kids.

Oh, and the thing about her running her snot covered fingers all through the pizza... GROSS! I don't blame you one bit for saying something about that. I knew when I was at my cousins house visiting to NEVER eat their peanut butter. I saw those kids come running in from playing in the dirt outside and going straight for that peanut butter jar and swooping their nasty dirty fingers through the peanut butter and sucking it off their fingers only to swoop them again through the peanut butter jar.. ewwww!

 

[eddieq]

Don't worry about their comments. The next time they ask you to watch their kid for them, you do have the out that you're "not qualified", though.

Vomit, snot, poop, pee, other bodily fluids are part and parcel of the job. Sure it's disgusting, even if it's your own child, but it's not like you can decide not to clean it up. So you clean it up and you deal.

I've had nights where I was comforting a sick child who ended up vomiting down my back while I held her. What am I going to do? Drop her and yell "EWWWWW! YUCKY!!!!" I would just go hop in the shower with her, gut us both cleaned up and then fresh clothes and back to bed.

You'll do fine. Don't let them bother you

 

[nancy2394]

Don't worry about their comments. The next time they ask you to watch their kid for them, you do have the out that you're "not qualified", though.

Vomit, snot, poop, pee, other bodily fluids are part and parcel of the job. Sure it's disgusting, even if it's your own child, but it's not like you can decide not to clean it up. So you clean it up and you deal.

I've had nights where I was comforting a sick child who ended up vomiting down my back while I held her. What am I going to do? Drop her and yell "EWWWWW! YUCKY!!!!" I would just go hop in the shower with her, gut us both cleaned up and then fresh clothes and back to bed.

You'll do fine. Don't let them bother you

you reminded me of a time when my daughter was a baby and I was holding her above my head making stupid baby faces at her to get her to smile and she puked right into my mouth :yikes: I remembered laying her down real fast on the floor and running for the bathroom where I brushed my teeth several times and gargled with listerine...lol

 

[wcladymacbeth]

Thanks guys. I made the mistake of bringing it up to my friend. I just don't like having something between us because she is my best friend ever. So now she thinks I was calling her a bad mom for the pizza thing, and she claims she never remembers saying I shouldn't have kids. (To her credit, she works 3rd shift and she hadn't slept, so she really might not remember.) Oh well, I'll just let it go.

 

[release the hounds]

I think they were just saying kids are messy and you'll have some adjustment period, or be very stressed out trying to keep everything so clean

 

[nancy2394]

Thanks guys. I made the mistake of bringing it up to my friend. I just don't like having something between us because she is my best friend ever. So now she thinks I was calling her a bad mom for the pizza thing, and she claims she never remembers saying I shouldn't have kids. (To her credit, she works 3rd shift and she hadn't slept, so she really might not remember.) Oh well, I'll just let it go.

if she's your best friend, you should be able to talk to her about anything. Don't feel like you have to just let it go if you still have unresolved feelings about it. Maybe you guys can have a conversation about it in a non judgemental way and hash it out so you both have resolved feelings.

 

[mjb]

IF she said laughingly...oh, you better never have kids, then....it could be her way of saying to get ready to be up to your elbows in snotty noses and dirty bottoms one day when you have your own kids more than actually meaning that you're not cut out for kids. Of course, I didn't hear how she said it.

 

[Fran27]

Friendships get harder when one has kids, that's for sure.

I agree that I don't let my kids touch food that isn't theirs with their dirty fingers (ok, it has happened, but I didn't stand there not saying anything, I took them away and I apologized for it). I mean if it's just my food I don't care, but I still tell them that it's bad manners.

On a side note though, seeing other kids my kids' age eat disgusts me too when they make a mess (like my friend's kids). My sister was disgusted when she saw my kids eat too (although it's really not bad now except when we give them things that have to be eaten by spoon still). It's normal. I don't find it as disgusting with my kids, even though I have some pictures that are pretty gross of them after eating.

 

[Renee750il]

They said you shouldn't have kids because THEY were outstandingly rude?? After you did them the favor of watching their child?? I doubt any reasonable person wants their food fingered by a kid (or adult) and you're entitled to object. I don't think I'd be too willing to babysit their kid in the future and if they ask why, tell 'em you took their comments about being unfit to be a parent to heart and don't feel qualified to watch their little darling.

That pretty much says it.

Sounds to me like they shouldn't have friends.

And that their kids are going to be the ones that make people cringe and decide that they NEVER want kids.

 

[boneyjean]

I haven't read all the responses, but I would ignore your friends comments. She obviously has different standards of hygiene than you do. I wash Devin's hands with a wipe before everytime I feed her just like I wash my own. I am not a big fan of snot, or vomit or poop, but I love my daughter and deal with it. I do my best not to let her finger my food or drinks and she drinks out of her own cup too. I would never let her have access to everyone else's food and touch it unless it was purely by accident. I am a total germaphobic and have to work really hard to get over some of it b/c kids have tons of germs and because I really don't want her to have an unhealthy fear of germs like I sometimes do. I just do my best to make sure she is having good hygiene and plan to teach her that as she grows up. Just because we aren't naturals at some things doesn't mean you wouldn't make a good parent. You live and you learn. I am learning everyday with my daugther! I am sure you would make a wonderful parent and if you had used the same standards of judgement on your friend and the things you would do differently than her, she probably shouldn't have kids either!

 

[-bogart-]

just laugh it off , and know you will be a great parent when ti comes to your time.

my loving sister used to tell me the same thing with a "you would potty train at gunpoint!" lol i have not successfull potty trained anyone yet (dear hubby did all the training with the boys) but i know i wont have to resort to anything drastic.

she had a helluva time training he son and i bought her a watergun and she threw it at me.





disclaimer~we would never really point a gun at a child. just so everyone knows.