Life update, finally. (Advice and insight welcome.)

[milos_mommy]

Worse case scenario, Barbara, can you just rent a room for yourself and Ryland? There's also websites like co-abode.com, which pairs up single mothers with other single mother roommates to find apartments.

Honestly, a few months ago, I wouldn't have thought your parents were off-base trying to get custody of Ryland...it seemed like you may not have been stable enough to care for a baby. But, it does sound like you're doing MUCH better, and I think avoiding sending Ryland to live with your parents at all would prevent a lot of issues arising. I hope you're able to find a safe place to live soon, but I think you will.

 

[Grab]

Frankly, living with a boyfriend or no, I would not voluntarily separate myself from a newborn (or even my toddler,for that matter) for any length of time. It's far more beneficial for him to be with his mother than passed off to grandparents for no reason whatsoever. Particularly in light of their past and present comments. Seems like it is just asking for trouble.

 

[Barbara!]

Him staying here with D and I isn't really an option, even temporarily. D has two other male roommates and the house is already crowded... It would be both inappropriate to Ryland and inconsiderate to the other tenants here.

MM, that's a good idea. This is a college town and there are often rooms available for cheap and on monthly deals. That's definitely something to think about.

 

[Barbara!]

Another worry: WHAT do I do about childcare?

 

[boneyjean]

Look into programs that have early headstart/headstart. We do not qualify for assistance because our income is too high, but benefit from the generally lower fees and the other things that come standard in a school with a headstart program...at least at our school for example, they provide diapers, wipes, formula if you have a formula baby, all food etc. You really need to look into chidlcare though ASAP bc there are often waiting lists. If your income is lower than a certain amount, you may qualify for assistance bringing the fee that you pay out of your pocket down significantly. I also like that the rules are strict so I know that a certain level of care is being given.

http://www.txhsa.org/Enrollment.html

Here is a link with a little more info. I know that in August when regular school starts, a lot of kids move to different rooms etc so there is a chance for an opening. But infant spaces are generally harder to find bc of the lower teacher ratio.

 

[Dizzy]

Please please don't leave him with other people. Those first weeks are SOOOOOOOO important for you both to bond and form a positive attachment. Babies are SOOOO portable. Especially if you're breastfeeding.

Being in a busy house for a couple of weeks is MUCH MUCH better than being away from you.

Please please find some alternative.

As for your parents, they probably worry about you. They might not realise you'll be ok.

 

[Dogdragoness]

I would also worry about Ryland (adorable name by the way) being with your folks because he will me closer to Josh & forgive me, I know he is the father of your child, but I really don't trust him & I get an especially bad feeling when I think about ryland being "that" close in proximity to Josh.

 

[Romy]

I would also worry about Ryland (adorable name by the way) being with your folks because he will me closer to Josh & forgive me, I know he is the father of your child, but I really don't trust him & I get an especially bad feeling when I think about ryland being "that" close in proximity to Josh.

I think technically, and your attorney could straighten this out for sure, Josh has more rights to custody than your parents do. So if Ryland was with your parents and you were in Texas, there's not much stopping him from getting a police escort over to you parent's house and taking custody of Ryland from them. I know you say he doesn't want to be involved, but deadbeat guys do REALLY WEIRD things in situations like this. He could easily pawn Ryland off on his own family to take care of, claim in court that you abandoned him, and force you to move back to get visitation with your son. Which would be absolutely horrendous.

Does your medicaid from the old state cover out of state procedures? I know that mine covers medical expenses when I'm traveling. Just wondering if you'd be able to continue with your prenatal care at least until they finally switch/cancel it.

 

[milos_mommy]

Barbara, do you have some kind of social worker or someone who helps you fill out medicaid/other paperwork?

I qualified for some kind of social worker after hospitalization. I stopped using her, because she wasn't helping that much (I didn't need the help), but once I got pregnant, I looked into getting one again. They needed an application to be filled out by my psychiatrist, but I know you get psychiatric care, so maybe look and see if your state has a program like that?

They'll help you with any kind of food stamps, medicaid, etc. paperwork and could also probably help you arrange child care. I know here, I do qualify for some subsidized day care, but I think that's only because I'm still a student. My current school has no infant day care, and I know if I wasn't transferring I'd have the option of other local day cares being covered, and I think it's the same if you're working (not a student).

 

[Barbara!]

After a long talk with D, we have decided that Ryland will stay with me, no matter where I am or where we are. Both of his roommates are moving out at the end of June and he may either move in with a different friend, or get a place with me temporarily. That's still up in the air. I found and still have to contact a local low income housing area, where a two bedroom is supposedly around $400. If I could get that, it would be absolutely perfect.

I'm still stressing about how I am going to afford full time child care, but MM, yes, I do have a case worker through Medicaid. I plan on speaking to her today about what I can do and I also have an appt tomorrow at the local WIC and aid services office and I will ask them for referrals as well. I plan to apply for housing assistance, but I have already been told that the waiting list for that is at least a year. There are also a few programs I have to wait until Ryland is here to actually apply for.

I am hoping child support will help, but I am not counting on nor expecting to receive that.

So... Medicaid, Food Stamps, WIC.. I have all of those. Going to ask about other programs... Biggest worry right now is childcare. I am tempted to ask my parents if they would want to contribute to that... But I've seen the average daycare is $150 a week. That's so much...

I've also already gotten ugly comments about being on state aid and a nasty look when I slid my food stamps card at the register the other day. Great. /:

 

[Dogdragoness]

The ugly comments have nothing to do with you ... They are caused by a few bad apples taking advantage or the system & abusing things like WIC, the star card & food stamps. Thus ruining it for people like you who really need the help these programs give.


I should have given you a heads up about that in Texas & I know there are people who are in the "if you can't afford kids then you should have them" way of thinking so be prepared to hear some nasty comments or looks from people unfortunately :/.

I hate folks who take advantage of the system as much as the next person, but its also important that not everyone who uses state aid abuses it ... Some people need it! Granted the program needs to be tweaked to make it harder to abuse.

But if it was that black & white, if there was a rule that the only people that had kids were the ones who *truly* could afford them, then very few people would be having kids lol.

 

[Romy]

I've also already gotten ugly comments about being on state aid and a nasty look when I slid my food stamps card at the register the other day. Great. /:

Anybody that gives a visibly pregnant woman dirty looks for using a foodstamps card is a douchecanoe. Like the wise Dr Seuss said,

"Those who mind don't matter. Those who matter don't mind."

Whenever they do that, just remind yourself that you're a good mom. You're doing this for Ryland.

And remember that they're a douchecanoe. And probably a hypocrite too, because I've noticed that the people who complain loudest about families being on foodstamps also happen to be pro lifers who for some reason are against feeding hungry children and pregnant women. **disclaimer!!! Not saying everyone who is pro life shares these views! Just a very vocal portion of them!**

You might look into a nannyshare. There are also tons of SAHMs with one or two kids of their own desperate for extra income who are willing to watch an extra child or two in their own home. The nanny market got really saturated here with SAHMs lowballing with rates of $5 an hour, or less than that. You'd want to screen heavily and get really good references for anyone you're considering, but that's a possibility.

 

[Red Chrome]

Anybody that gives a visibly pregnant woman dirty looks for using a foodstamps card is a douchecanoe.

Whenever they do that, just remind yourself that you're a good mom. You're doing this for Ryland.

And remember that they're a douchecanoe. And probably a hypocrite too, because I've noticed that the people who complain loudest about families being on foodstamps also happen to be pro lifers who for some reason are against feeding hungry children and pregnant women. **disclaimer!!! Not saying everyone who is pro life shares these views! Just a very vocal portion of them!**
.

Why is someone a douchecanoe for giving bg someone a dirty look? Personally, I hate seeing people use food stamps but I ignore it until I see them drive off in their brand new 2013 vehicle, get off your asses and get jobs, can't make it, get 2 jobs. I have the same bills as everyone else, why is it another tax payers responsibility to support someone who didn't take necessary precautions and avoid an unwanted/ill prepared for pregnancy? I am far from pro life..... I am extremely pro choice.

This woman doesn't even have her own place and yet, she has a baby due fairly soon. Seriously, you all can tell her how to cheat the system and get more support but st the end of the day, it's another mouth to feed for the tax paying citizens.

I do feel, if you can't afford a baby then it should be adopted out or something, if you are not stable in life, have no money, a dead end job that pays little and no roof over your head then maybe this baby is better off with your parents if they can provide for him as he needs. Babies are expensive. Good luck.

 

[puppydog]

Why is someone a douchecanoe for giving bg someone a dirty look? Personally, I hate seeing people use food stamps but I ignore it until I see them drive off in their brand new 2013 vehicle, get off your asses and get jobs, can't make it, get 2 jobs. I have the same bills as everyone else, why is it another tax payers responsibility to support someone who didn't take necessary precautions and avoid an unwanted/ill prepared for pregnancy? I am far from pro life..... I am extremely pro choice.

This woman doesn't even have her own place and yet, she has a baby due fairly soon. Seriously, you all can tell her how to cheat the system and get more support but st the end of the day, it's another mouth to feed for the tax paying citizens.

I do feel, if you can't afford a baby then it should be adopted out or something, if you are not stable in life, have no money, a dead end job that pays little and no roof over your head then maybe this baby is better off with your parents if they can provide for him as he needs. Babies are expensive. Good luck.

And here ladies and gentlemen is where this thread blows up.

 

[Barbara!]

I'd rather not. Someone else start a new thread if that topic wants to continue... I disagree and so do many others, obviously... So yeah. Would rather this be kept here so I can update and get advice.

 

[Dogdragoness]

Why is someone a douchecanoe for giving bg someone a dirty look? Personally, I hate seeing people use food stamps but I ignore it until I see them drive off in their brand new 2013 vehicle, get off your asses and get jobs, can't make it, get 2 jobs. I have the same bills as everyone else, why is it another tax payers responsibility to support someone who didn't take necessary precautions and avoid an unwanted/ill prepared for pregnancy? I am far from pro life..... I am extremely pro choice.

This woman doesn't even have her own place and yet, she has a baby due fairly soon. Seriously, you all can tell her how to cheat the system and get more support but st the end of the day, it's another mouth to feed for the tax paying citizens.

I do feel, if you can't afford a baby then it should be adopted out or something, if you are not stable in life, have no money, a dead end job that pays little and no roof over your head then maybe this baby is better off with your parents if they can provide for him as he needs. Babies are expensive. Good luck.

I agree with this, not everyone abuses the system but a good number do & I will admit to saying something to those who are clearly abusing the system (which you are not, Barbara ... I want your to know that I do not think you are one of these people).

Yes state aid is a good idea but the way it's set up leaves too much room for abuse of it IMHO, the real bad guys are the dumb asses who wrote the law without putting as much thought into it as they should have. But I will Admit to being frustrated with those people who slap that Starr card down & say "just put it on this, I don't have to pay for it!" Uh YOU may not have to but I do! :wall:

 

[sassafras]

You might look into a nannyshare. There are also tons of SAHMs with one or two kids of their own desperate for extra income who are willing to watch an extra child or two in their own home. The nanny market got really saturated here with SAHMs lowballing with rates of $5 an hour, or less than that. You'd want to screen heavily and get really good references for anyone you're considering, but that's a possibility.

Seconding this. I don't have kids, but this type of arrangement has really worked out well for a few acquaintances of mine. You just have to be super careful.

 

[Dizzy]

I do feel, if you can't afford a baby then it should be adopted out or something, if you are not stable in life, have no money, a dead end job that pays little and no roof over your head then maybe this baby is better off with your parents if they can provide for him as he needs. Babies are expensive. Good luck.

Wow.

Babies actually don't need to be expensive at all. You can get most things second hand very very cheap. And breast feeding is free.

What does a baby need except its mother, food and a home?

I think you're wrong.

And I tried so hard to resist biting to your obvious 'please respond to me' post, and failed.

I work with children who get adopted, and kids in care, and I can categorically state, that requiring support to set you up does NOT mean you shouldn't have kids.

There is a WORLD of difference between benefit need and benefit FRAUD.

I have friends who have kids, who were both made redundant and are on benefits. And have been for 2 years now.

Perhaps I should remove their kids. They'd obviously be doing so much better with other people.

Ack, why derail this thread?

Shouldn't have replied.

 

[milos_mommy]

I didn't want to bite into it either, but I'm just curious:

RedChrome - if you see someone using food stamps at the grocery store, and then they get into a new 2013 car...how do you know they haven't borrowed the car?

I'm never sure if I should hope people who hold those opinions about others on public assistance never have the (not unlikely) series of misfortunes or make the one or two small mistakes that lands most people in that situations, or if I should hope they do.

 

[Dogdragoness]

I can understand red chrome's frustration, the only quells I have is when someone slaps that card down on the counter bragging to the people they are with that they never have to pay for anything.

& I'm like ... "Yeah, your WELCOME." I'm all for giving people a helping hand but I can barely afford my own expenses ... On some level I don't think it's fair to expect me to pay somebody else's bills too :/.

Human nature for the most part is ... Usually the more you help someone, the less they want to help themselves & the more they expect from you :/