S
I think its time for me to speak up. I know there has been drama started here more than once about the situation with Reggin. People have PMed me to let me know about the threads which have made a turn for the wost, and I avoid those threads. Not even reading them. I have been avoiding all drama. But it keeps coming up. The picture thread is the main one I think. I've read a few posts and it seems some people arent exactly sure what happened during the time I lost Reggin. But whats worse is that some chazers think I dont even care about what happened.
I want to finally speak out and say my piece. I figured if I ignored all the drama it would all go away, but that doesnt seem to be the case. I was gone for a good two months, which was a well needed break. I do have friends here, I do love dogs, and that is what keeps me here or else I would have been gone a long time ago. With what happened, its fine that people do not like me... that is expected. I havent said anything at all about the situation since it happened some months ago. Maybe some take that as being unemotional and not caring about what happened. Simply not the case. I dont like speaking about things that upsets me, and reggin is one of them.
I did lose reggin due to a bad decision i made. Yes, it was my fault. At the time my life went way down hill after my fiance got into meth. He was selling it and smoking it, and he became violent, lost his job, our car, and a lot of our belongings. I dont like discussing this because it still upsets me very much. I'd say this was the darkest time of my life. He left me 7 months pregnant with a toddler in an empty house, so he could sell drugs out of motel rooms. When he did come around, our fights got violent. He once broke through our backdoor with madison in his arms to come after me and I will never forget the terrified look she had on her face. She has seen too much in her short life, some very bad things. That only made me more angry at him. Before moving out and in with my mom, I was afraid for my safety and madisons as well. During our last fight he hit me in the face sending me into the bath tub and I nearly lost lily when I was 8 months prego. We fought so bad the house we lived in was tore up pretty bad. I got out for the sake of my kids, leaving Reggin back there at the house by himself. My mom lived in an apartment and he was not welcome. I remember reggin being so scared by the fighting that he would defecate all over the house. The landlords were kicking us out, I was faced with becoming homeless with 2 babies, and a pet that desperately needed a home, FAST.
Fiance talked about giving him to a fellow meth dealer and I knew that I couldnt let that happen, the life he would live there would certainly not be a good one. I knew he was going to get an eviction notice and time was running out. I had to find reggin a home ASAP. I put ads up and nobody responded. My mom mentioned Paws, which was a shelter in town. It gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. I knew if I didnt take him SOMEWHERE that something bad might happen to him, our rent was not paid and he sat at that empty house. My mom finally talked to Paws, because I refused, and they said to bring him down and that he should find a good home in no time. That gave me a glimer of hope. That was the best thing I heard in a long time. The next morning my mom got up and said "Ok, I am off to go pick up reggin in take him to paws". I felt like I had run out of choices. This was during the time that all of you chazers came together to transport reggin, to my amazement. Not sure why but I never even thought that you guys could and would help me out. I ran down to get reggin out of that shelter, but it was too late. The woman told me he was put down that very evening he was dropped off, due to aggression. He was supposedly trying to attack everyone. They couldnt even get him out of his cage. I wanted to strangle that woman, but I knew that it was all my fault, and now there was nothing I could do. It was too late.
Some say that I did not love reggin, how could I do such a thing? The possibility of him being put to sleep didnt even cross my mind. I believed what they promised me... a home for reggin. I think about him all the time and I kick myself in the ass for the decision I made. Knowing that he could have been saved. I cannot take back what happened. Anybody that really knows me KNOWS that I loved Reggin more than anything. Bottom line is that I made a MISTAKE during some hard times. This is a huge lesson to me. I have to live every day knowing I killed my best friend. I was in a very deep depression at the time, even suicidal. I fell into my cutting again, I relapsed after 3 years. I had children to worry about as well. I was a MESS.
The one thing I regret the most is not coming to chazhound for help sooner. Chazhound..... filled with warm hearted people who would do anything to help a dog in need. I had a HUGE opportunity to get help... it was right under my nose.... and didnt even know it. I let you all down as well. After I was told to get him outta there and he had a transport, I panicked. I thought that this could not be happening to me. They were closed for the day and I felt like breaking in there. Couldn't sleep that night... not knowing that he was already gone...
Reggin was the best dog I ever had. A day doesnt go by that I do not think about him. I will rescue some day and it will be a pittie that I save from a certain fate that reggin had, now that I live on 25 acres. I cant take back what happened, I can only go forward. I did not ignore everyones help when it was offered. It makes my physically SICK to think that I could have had reggin RIGHT NOW if I came to chaz sooner than I did.... if I would have just left him at that empty house a little longer. This weighs very heavily on my mind and I will NEVER get over it.
I did post his pic in a thread. It was not the smartest move. I try to remember him in a possitive light, but its hard to see a pic and not shed a tear, especially the ones of him and Madison.
In his short life he changed the minds of more than a few pit bull haters, and that I am greatful for.
I want to finally speak out and say my piece. I figured if I ignored all the drama it would all go away, but that doesnt seem to be the case. I was gone for a good two months, which was a well needed break. I do have friends here, I do love dogs, and that is what keeps me here or else I would have been gone a long time ago. With what happened, its fine that people do not like me... that is expected. I havent said anything at all about the situation since it happened some months ago. Maybe some take that as being unemotional and not caring about what happened. Simply not the case. I dont like speaking about things that upsets me, and reggin is one of them.
I did lose reggin due to a bad decision i made. Yes, it was my fault. At the time my life went way down hill after my fiance got into meth. He was selling it and smoking it, and he became violent, lost his job, our car, and a lot of our belongings. I dont like discussing this because it still upsets me very much. I'd say this was the darkest time of my life. He left me 7 months pregnant with a toddler in an empty house, so he could sell drugs out of motel rooms. When he did come around, our fights got violent. He once broke through our backdoor with madison in his arms to come after me and I will never forget the terrified look she had on her face. She has seen too much in her short life, some very bad things. That only made me more angry at him. Before moving out and in with my mom, I was afraid for my safety and madisons as well. During our last fight he hit me in the face sending me into the bath tub and I nearly lost lily when I was 8 months prego. We fought so bad the house we lived in was tore up pretty bad. I got out for the sake of my kids, leaving Reggin back there at the house by himself. My mom lived in an apartment and he was not welcome. I remember reggin being so scared by the fighting that he would defecate all over the house. The landlords were kicking us out, I was faced with becoming homeless with 2 babies, and a pet that desperately needed a home, FAST.
Fiance talked about giving him to a fellow meth dealer and I knew that I couldnt let that happen, the life he would live there would certainly not be a good one. I knew he was going to get an eviction notice and time was running out. I had to find reggin a home ASAP. I put ads up and nobody responded. My mom mentioned Paws, which was a shelter in town. It gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. I knew if I didnt take him SOMEWHERE that something bad might happen to him, our rent was not paid and he sat at that empty house. My mom finally talked to Paws, because I refused, and they said to bring him down and that he should find a good home in no time. That gave me a glimer of hope. That was the best thing I heard in a long time. The next morning my mom got up and said "Ok, I am off to go pick up reggin in take him to paws". I felt like I had run out of choices. This was during the time that all of you chazers came together to transport reggin, to my amazement. Not sure why but I never even thought that you guys could and would help me out. I ran down to get reggin out of that shelter, but it was too late. The woman told me he was put down that very evening he was dropped off, due to aggression. He was supposedly trying to attack everyone. They couldnt even get him out of his cage. I wanted to strangle that woman, but I knew that it was all my fault, and now there was nothing I could do. It was too late.
Some say that I did not love reggin, how could I do such a thing? The possibility of him being put to sleep didnt even cross my mind. I believed what they promised me... a home for reggin. I think about him all the time and I kick myself in the ass for the decision I made. Knowing that he could have been saved. I cannot take back what happened. Anybody that really knows me KNOWS that I loved Reggin more than anything. Bottom line is that I made a MISTAKE during some hard times. This is a huge lesson to me. I have to live every day knowing I killed my best friend. I was in a very deep depression at the time, even suicidal. I fell into my cutting again, I relapsed after 3 years. I had children to worry about as well. I was a MESS.
The one thing I regret the most is not coming to chazhound for help sooner. Chazhound..... filled with warm hearted people who would do anything to help a dog in need. I had a HUGE opportunity to get help... it was right under my nose.... and didnt even know it. I let you all down as well. After I was told to get him outta there and he had a transport, I panicked. I thought that this could not be happening to me. They were closed for the day and I felt like breaking in there. Couldn't sleep that night... not knowing that he was already gone...
Reggin was the best dog I ever had. A day doesnt go by that I do not think about him. I will rescue some day and it will be a pittie that I save from a certain fate that reggin had, now that I live on 25 acres. I cant take back what happened, I can only go forward. I did not ignore everyones help when it was offered. It makes my physically SICK to think that I could have had reggin RIGHT NOW if I came to chaz sooner than I did.... if I would have just left him at that empty house a little longer. This weighs very heavily on my mind and I will NEVER get over it.
I did post his pic in a thread. It was not the smartest move. I try to remember him in a possitive light, but its hard to see a pic and not shed a tear, especially the ones of him and Madison.
In his short life he changed the minds of more than a few pit bull haters, and that I am greatful for.
Kind of like forgeting/forgiving the past and moving on. . .
