For chazzers in long-term relationships - how often?

Dekka · Mar 4, 2015

When I was having Darien my parents invited me back (even though married and had a house) for when he was very little.

I don't get the big deal really. I know of one family where I think the one daughter will always live with her mom. They both really like it.

I mean it could be irresponsible, but it is just as likely it isn't. So meh.

*blackrose · Mar 4, 2015

Beanie said:

Yup. She's already told me if I have a child while living out of state she's going to come and steal the baby to live with her. I think if I did live nearby I'd probably never see my kid. LOL

RBark · Mar 4, 2015

Dogdragoness said:

I just cant believe everyone is like "yay, alright! Congrats!" When no, its ok at all. In fact its quite irresponsible.

and a dog is not a child, my folks lives arent altered by the fact that my (at the time ONE dog) was there, she was house trained and could be left inside all day if need be. I dont need her to be watched all of the time when she isnt there, she doesnt cry at night, she is not going to need to go to school, she wont need daycare etc ...

I drew the comparison because I have seen how members on here gang up on someone if they brought a dog into this exact situation, but because it is a kid, its suddenly ok? it should be LESS ok.

and now yes I have two dogs, and therefore I will no longer be keeping the dogs there when I am not there.

I think it's irresponsible that your parents had you. But hey, good thing I'm not the judge.

sassafras · Mar 4, 2015

^Game, set, match.

Michiyo-Fir · Mar 4, 2015

RBark said:

~Jessie~ said:

I agree with you guys! A lot of the time it's not related to money at all. My 48 year old aunt, with her 2 children (ages 14 and 19) all live in the same house as my grandparents by choice. She likes the help my grandparents give her and they like that she can help them in their daily lives too. They've always lived this way for the last 20+ years. They do have 6 bedrooms in their house but everyone likes to hang out together in 1 room half the time because they enjoy each other's company. These people live in an multi-million dollar home in central London, UK. They are extremely extremely wealthy, they can easily buy 3 houses and live separately but much rather live together.

Just because it's not as common in some areas doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and sometimes it's out of necessity but often times it's culture and by choice.

sparks19 · Mar 4, 2015

Wow this is all just vicious on all fronts!

Everyone just take a deeo breath... Fill up your balloon... And let it oooouuuutttt! Wooosah!

Anyway, different strokes for different folks and as long as you are takig care of your kids and loving them... I don't care who you live with. It wouldn't be my first choice but moving 8-10 hours away from family is not what others would choose either and lots of thing about the way we raise Hannah bother other people but I really don't care because she is my daughter and I know that what we are doing is working! The end! So screw the crappy opinions in this world!

milos_mommy · Mar 4, 2015

RBark said:

Oh my god. I was...not expecting that lol.

For the record I've seen many many comments from many members on this specific forum criticizing parents for bringing children into the world. Like, for instance, in recent times, Barbara. Lots of others in the past, too. Members who openly admit to being on welfare, teenagers, facing eviction, etc are not typically congratulated for expecting a child. I don't think that's appropriate or anyone's business, but it happens.

I think the difference is that nobody on this forum except DD has any reason to believe i'm Ill equipped to raise and provide for my kids.

And yeah, my parents both are not going to be happy when we move out.

My ex's mother actually bought a new house after her children moved out (albeit "downsized" from her multi million dollar 9 bedroom house) into one that would be able to house them and future grandchildren, all ready to be baby proofed with a farmhouse sink "to bathe the grandchildren in". Oddly, I don't think either of her kids planned on having kids themselves or moving back in with her. But, yeah, lots of older people want their kids and grandkids to live with them.

GipsyQueen · Mar 5, 2015

Dogdragoness said:

How do you know it is irresponsible? All you know, is that she lives with her parents... and from what I have read in this thread, is indead PLANING ON MOVING OUT. Also, how do you know, she is not able to properly care for her daughter? Because you know, living with your parents means you are not able to care for your child. I live in my out apartment with my SO, but I am not able to care for a child at this moment, for example.

Honestly my mom would be THRILLED if she had a grandchild (she already said, and I quote: "If you have a child, I am quitting my job and becoming a fulltime grandma." There has also been the idea of buying a multigeneration house.

You act like children are monsters that need 24 hour 7 days a week constant care who scream none stop. Stop. They're not. If you have a problem with children, stop judging others who are having them out of spite.

Just leave MM alone. If you think it's irresponsible, well then fine, but keep it to yourself.

RD · Mar 5, 2015

Usually a few times a week. Sometimes not. When not, it's usually because of a difference in our sleep schedules, since I'm always nocturnal due to my job and he can sleep whenever he wants to. It doesn't bother me horribly if we don't have sex - we can both take care of ourselves if need be.

I miss intimacy before I miss having sex. If we don't exchange any signs of affection, I start to feel really lonely. We're not really affectionate, or good at being affectionate like couples are supposed to be. We don't really like to cuddle and cling to each other and lavish "I love you"s, we're more the type to grab a butt cheek and make farting noises to show we care.

skittledoo · Mar 5, 2015

RBark said:

I think we have a winner!

I don't like to get involved in any arguments/disagreements/debates etc on public forums, but I can't not say something here.

Who cares what MM chooses to do with her life. Her life does NOT affect you even though you seem to think otherwise. What outcome are you hoping for here? She is already pregnant. Whether she was trying to get pregnant or not is quite frankly none of your business. If she was trying then who cares??? Again it does NOT affect you! It's NOT your business! It's NOT your life! So she lives with family. Again who cares??? Oh right, you do. When my husband and I got married we moved into my mom's house temporarily with 2 dogs. I personally didn't want to live with my mom, but we wanted to save some money and we were in the process of eventually moving back to VA. I may not have had kids, but like I said we had 2 dogs and most families would have more of an issue with family moving in and bringing pets into the picture than kids. Kids are typically more than welcomed with open arms, especially by grandparents. Just a few months back ago we moved into my husband's parents' house temporarily while waiting to get approved on a rental. We had 4 dogs, 1 cat and a boa. His mom was ecstatic to have us there, pets included. But you would probably say that's irresponsible too right? I get really peeved by people who think their nose belongs in everyone's business like their opinion matters.

ACooper · Mar 5, 2015

PWCorgi said:

RIGHT? Wow, I'm over wanting to talk about my sex life after this read! LOL

Dogdragoness, most of the world's population is a result of unplanned pregnancies. The odds are quite high that you were unplanned as well. *shrugs* I was....doesn't bother me at all, LOL

Now let's get the sex train back on the tracks! :lol-sign:

eddieq · Mar 5, 2015

ACooper said:

milos_mommy · Mar 5, 2015

skittledoo said:

Logically, she wouldn't find that irresponsible, because she moved back into her parents house with her dog as well. (In case you missed the argument where she defended that by saying her dog could be left alone all day and didn't need to go to daycare or school - which is the part she finds unfair to my family??)

Jules · Mar 5, 2015

Whoa, totally missed that! Congratulations, MM!

I honestly don't think there's a "winner" in this thread. Hurling insults at someone, whose responses were completely predictable to me, doesn't make anything or anyone any better. Just ignore her. I actually think that she wants everyone to get riled up and you guys have just fed into that.

To get back to the topic, usually 3 or 4 times a week... but I'm still finishing up healing from Finley's fast and furious birth, so we're easing into this slowly. Very slowly. lol. But as others have said, intimacy as a whole is most important to me.

noludoru · Mar 5, 2015

sassafras said:

THERE ARE COOKIES NOW!?

Paviche said:

This.

RBark said:

I feel like I need to send you a box of baked goods.

Ethical question for the thread: I was going to ask Paviche if she would bring the dogs to visit and stay for a bit. Is that okay because she has dogs instead of kids or is that okay because she's not blood related? Or is that bad because I met her on the intarwebz? And when ThatCrazyGroomer comes to visit, is that immoral because she has 2 kids? These are pressing questions.

If I'm having sex with my SO at least twice a week, is it ok!?

milos_mommy · Mar 5, 2015

noludoru said:

As long as you don't have kids rofl

sassafras · Mar 5, 2015

The only person I want to be better than is RBark.

(At insults, not at humanity. I'm pretty terrible so I think I've got this in the bag.)

noludoru · Mar 5, 2015

milos_mommy said:

Ooh okay. So it's all cool if they have kids? This RL etiquette is so hard.

sassafras said:

I can think of one person worse than you... Oh wait, insults? RBark wins...

eddieq · Mar 5, 2015

For me: Not often enough.

For her: Didn't we just do it not too long ago?

Seriously, though, we've been married 20 years and together longer than that. It happens when it happens. We always have intimacy and that comfortable togetherness that grows between long-time couples.

I still whistle at her when I see her nekkid, too

Dogdragoness · Mar 6, 2015

RBark said:

Is that supposed to be an insult? Because I literally LOL'd at that.

For chazzers in long-term relationships - how often?

Just try me..

"I'm kupo for kupo nuts!"

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