Feeling sorry for myself
- Thread starter drmom777
- Start date
It's ok to feel sorry for yourself sometimes, especially when you have a reason to. Just don't let it overwhelm you. I hope things improve for you 
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))) feel better soon DM
Well, I have a slew of assorted endocrine issues, including diabetes, but even there I cannot be normal- I have type one and a half. It has been stable for many years, and I was really lucky there, and easily controllable with one oral medication, along with a careful diet program. However, my pancreas has chosen this time to turn up its pancreatic toes, and so I am feeling sorry for myself as I begin taking insulin.
I know this is just not that big a deal in the general scheme of things, but I am surprised at how badly I am dealing with it. It isn't the needles, I have done that before, It's the permanance of it, and the need for scheduling, I think. You feel like it controls your life--and it is forever.
Also, it knocks a giant wad of years off your life expectancy, so I like to just igniore it and not think about it too much. No longer possible.
So far I am dealing with it by eating giant chocolate bars and pepperidge farm cookies, I mean a whole bag. This is not like me at all. And yes I know how stupid this is, particularly since now I will be likely to pass out from low blood sugar on monday when I go back to work because who knows how much insulin I need without the sugar. I mean, this is why I did this on a friday and over the weekend.
Meanwhile Molly is at home...now in the ER of a local hospital, as she has unplaced herself from her residential program and has nowhere to go. We finally called 911 last night after weeks of broken windows and bruises and trashed house. So with all that going on what right do I have feeling sorry for myself about my stupid health.
I do love my new job. I am so afraid I will have to give it up...both because f turmoil at home and because our advisors tell me that my working there will totally screw up Molly's funding for getting into another program. She needs medicaid. If she does niot have medicaid the programs cost something like 300000 a year. I just can't stop working. I love being a doctor and I have been out ten years because of Molly. I do love her, but isn't that enough?
Is this a rant or what?
I know this is just not that big a deal in the general scheme of things, but I am surprised at how badly I am dealing with it. It isn't the needles, I have done that before, It's the permanance of it, and the need for scheduling, I think. You feel like it controls your life--and it is forever.
Also, it knocks a giant wad of years off your life expectancy, so I like to just igniore it and not think about it too much. No longer possible.
So far I am dealing with it by eating giant chocolate bars and pepperidge farm cookies, I mean a whole bag. This is not like me at all. And yes I know how stupid this is, particularly since now I will be likely to pass out from low blood sugar on monday when I go back to work because who knows how much insulin I need without the sugar. I mean, this is why I did this on a friday and over the weekend.
Meanwhile Molly is at home...now in the ER of a local hospital, as she has unplaced herself from her residential program and has nowhere to go. We finally called 911 last night after weeks of broken windows and bruises and trashed house. So with all that going on what right do I have feeling sorry for myself about my stupid health.
I do love my new job. I am so afraid I will have to give it up...both because f turmoil at home and because our advisors tell me that my working there will totally screw up Molly's funding for getting into another program. She needs medicaid. If she does niot have medicaid the programs cost something like 300000 a year. I just can't stop working. I love being a doctor and I have been out ten years because of Molly. I do love her, but isn't that enough?
Is this a rant or what?
You are allowed a one person pity party once in a while. Once in a while I need a one person pity party too. So maybe we should have one together. Someplace really nice on a beach with cabana boys. Wow does that ever make me think of Grammy.(((((((((HUGS and HUGS)))))))) and vibes for better health for us both. In the mean time...shout it out, )(&*&^%&$^&%$&*(*)(_)* FREAking body STOP LETTING ME DOWN. I have so many important things to do. YOu will feel better. Put away the goodies, no point in sabotaging yourself. I miss sugar, I miss it so much. I allow myself one singular Popsicle a day. The skinny kind in the tube. Hyia needs me and your kids need you.
Oh, and did I mention that while my kidneys are working fine and my retinas are undamaged, two big problems with long term diabetes, my feet are terrible.
Diabetic neuropathy is a bitch. For starters I can't really feel my feet normally, they have some sensation, but not much, and I don't know where they are in space so I endlessly trip over things. I had to give up running because of this. Although I switched to biking, so it isn't like I sit around and look all invalid-like.
So you would think that would be it, but feet being numb does nit stop them from having pain--non localized pain, but still pain. So after I am on my feet all day when I take my shoes off and put my feet up I get these sharp nasty pains, kind of like what it feels like when novocaine is first setting in, for like an hour. It sucks.
I know there are a ton of people worse off than this, but it still really pisses me off.
Diabetic neuropathy is a bitch. For starters I can't really feel my feet normally, they have some sensation, but not much, and I don't know where they are in space so I endlessly trip over things. I had to give up running because of this. Although I switched to biking, so it isn't like I sit around and look all invalid-like.
So you would think that would be it, but feet being numb does nit stop them from having pain--non localized pain, but still pain. So after I am on my feet all day when I take my shoes off and put my feet up I get these sharp nasty pains, kind of like what it feels like when novocaine is first setting in, for like an hour. It sucks.
I know there are a ton of people worse off than this, but it still really pisses me off.
*pushes drmom over, and grabs a cookie*... It's hard not to feel resentful of the things that we have to give up--and forchoices that are almost impossible to make... Having to put your own dreams and aspirations permanently on hold is not fair---and worthy of a tantrum. Same goes for a body that does not want to cooperate! I have to admit I ate a pint of chocolate avalanche ice cream yesterday--my own pity party for a crappy day of uncontrollable things. today didn't start out much better.
So, one more cookie, and then time to start again.
So, one more cookie, and then time to start again.
Oh wow, I am so sorry that everything is hitting at once (for the nth time?).
Isn't your daughter legally an adult? Couldn't she qualify for Medicaid on her own? I'm sure you know more about it than I, but it seems crazy to me that your working (as a resident?) could jeopardize her coverage. It sounds like you really need it as an outlet, which I can appreciate, because I also need an intellectually challenging job.
Isn't your daughter legally an adult? Couldn't she qualify for Medicaid on her own? I'm sure you know more about it than I, but it seems crazy to me that your working (as a resident?) could jeopardize her coverage. It sounds like you really need it as an outlet, which I can appreciate, because I also need an intellectually challenging job.
September is almost here.
Hang on. You've got a lot of practice at it and I know you can.
Do not give up your career this time. Once was more than enough. You need this. Your other children need it. I know you love Molly no less than the others, but you cannot continue to put your life and theirs on hold indefinitely for Molly's sake, and if you lose this chance you have worked so hard to get, in the long run, Molly will suffer for it as well.
Hang on. You've got a lot of practice at it and I know you can.
Do not give up your career this time. Once was more than enough. You need this. Your other children need it. I know you love Molly no less than the others, but you cannot continue to put your life and theirs on hold indefinitely for Molly's sake, and if you lose this chance you have worked so hard to get, in the long run, Molly will suffer for it as well.