Are you assertive?

[crazedACD]

I'm bored, sorry in advance.

I always like this topic... are you assertive, or are you non-confrontational?

I'm definitely non-confrontational, I absolutely hate having to broach touchy subjects or tell people off. I'm a manager and it is really tough for me to walk up to someone and tell them something negative. I won't send food back if it's wrong. I guess I'm very much a people pleaser and I don't like feeling like I asked a stupid question or that people are thinking badly of me. I don't think I've ever been in a screaming match with anyone, and I definitely let people take advantage of me sometimes because I don't like telling them otherwise. I've gotten a bit better than I used to be though.

I'm way more assertive and a little scrappy on the internet though. I guess because I have time to think over the situation and pick my words.

 

[Red.Apricot]

Non-confrontational, totally.

I hate confrontation, especially in real life.

 

[Southpaw]

There is not an assertive bone in my body.

It's one thing that always gets mentioned in my reviews at work, I'm getting "better" but could still improve apparently, but I just don't have it in me!

 

[GipsyQueen]

I'm vere non-confrontational. I can't tell anyone off on anything, or tell someone when I'm mad at them, esp. in real life.
The only problem is, that when someone says something to me, I usually don't say anything. And then once I'm alone, I think about what they say, and I get really angry but of course I can't tell them.

 

[joce]

I think I always stepped in for my timid mom when I was little so just naturally was assertive.

Food is the one thing I will never confront about though. I am paranoid about spit in my food. I just never ever go back again.

And there is being assertive and just being a jerk. I know when to let things go. I can not stand going out with people who send the food back and are just plain rude to the staff.

I think I am less assertive online. I just don't care lol.

 

[Catsi]

No, I'm not. It makes my life rather difficult sometimes because I work in enforcement. Thankfully it's not all my role consists of, but there are some days that I think wtf was I thinking choosing my career. But I do love the other aspects of my job.

I am just so much better at making people happy, than being confronting. Perhaps I should've stayed in customer service. Horses for courses!

There are certain things that I can be assertive about, but it takes a lot of thinking about the situation and trying to come up with the best way to approach it. I'm not quick to jump into a confrontation by any means. Still, it does surprise people when they realise I do have a back bone. Ok, that may be going a bit far, but I'm really easy going. Unless it really matters to me.

I've struggled with this a lot, but now I'm beginning to just accept that I am who I am.

 

[GoingNowhere]

I am extremely non-confrontational, but I greatly enjoy critical discussions of touchy issues. Only with people who can rationally do the same of course. I want to be able to ask "but why do you think that?" or question "have you thought of...?" It's why I sometimes pop into a thread and play the devil's advocate for a bit. In my opinion, there's no use in having strong opinions if you haven't thought about how to back them up or why you believe what you do.

I don't like stirring the fire with people who are unable to have a rational discussion. If someone walks away from a discussion feeling shot down or like they "won," that's not the conversation I wanted. Rather, I like discussion where people are continuously thinking critically about their beliefs.

On the flip side, I am very non-confrontational. I like to be agreeable (especially with people that I don't know well or in professional situations) and I would sooner tell a white lie than say something that I think would greatly offend someone. I never yell. When I am upset, I tend to go into shut-down mode rather than on the offensive or defensive.

 

[AllieMackie]

I used to be quite assertive.

Fast-forward six years? My anxiety took over to a point where I'm afraid to confront others about, well, anything. It's a very bad trait to have as a business owner and a skill I've been working on improving.

 

[Ozfozz]

I have what I can best describe as a stutter, which causes anxiety to the point where I don't want to be confrontational for fear of not being able to articulate my point.
Which is why online, I tend to come off much more confrontational than IRL.

The hot button issue that will really make me go off is when people are unfair to my little brother. He's autistic and refuses to stand up for himself. He's also one of the nicest kids I've ever met.
So throughout high school I had been known for being a bit confrontational.



Oh...and for whatever reason, alcohol makes the stutter thing go away. So there are times where I am sort of aggressive

 

[RBark]

Assertive and confrontional when necessary, gentle or non confrontational when necessary.

 

[*blackrose]

I very much hate conflict and I prefer to be non confrontational when at all possible. And if someone competent is willing to step up and take the lead, I am more than happy to follow.

That being said, if I have had it, if I am fed up, if I have tried to be polite over and over and am getting no where...watch out. I won't back down and I will stand up for myself. On a similar note, if no one takes charge or the person in a leadership role is an idiot, I have no issues stepping up and taking charge (when it is about something I know I am competent at).

I'm much happier when I get my way through civil discussion vs confrontation. LOL

 

[sassafras]

I am generally non-confrontational, but it also depends entirely on the context. In some situations I am very assertive.

 

[Beanie]

Yes, but I don't think assertive necessarily means confrontational.

 

[xpaeanx]

I very much hate conflict and I prefer to be non confrontational when at all possible. And if someone competent is willing to step up and take the lead, I am more than happy to follow.

That being said, if I have had it, if I am fed up, if I have tried to be polite over and over and am getting no where...watch out. I won't back down and I will stand up for myself. On a similar note, if no one takes charge or the person in a leadership role is an idiot, I have no issues stepping up and taking charge (when it is about something I know I am competent at).

I'm much happier when I get my way through civil discussion vs confrontation. LOL

This. I like to stay low key & hidden in the background... But when things need to get done I will step up and get them done.

 

[GipsyQueen]

I very much hate conflict and I prefer to be non confrontational when at all possible. And if someone competent is willing to step up and take the lead, I am more than happy to follow.

That being said, if I have had it, if I am fed up, if I have tried to be polite over and over and am getting no where...watch out. I won't back down and I will stand up for myself. On a similar note, if no one takes charge or the person in a leadership role is an idiot, I have no issues stepping up and taking charge (when it is about something I know I am competent at).

I'm much happier when I get my way through civil discussion vs confrontation. LOL

Also this.
Like right now, I have a co-worker, who I actually like alot, get mad at me yesterday because I said (and I quote) "Oh crap K (big boss) just called, he's on his way over, we need to clean up a bit before he gets here." She said I was bossy. We then got into a whole big fight about it, and now she's like well whatever I won't hold it against you, and that was that. Seriously? No. I'm still POed.
So yeah, I will stand up for myself, even though I'm extremly unconfortable doing so. =/

 

[Shai]

In most circumstances I am assertive but not confrontational.

 

[JessLough]

I feel like anybody who's ever met me could tell you no. :lol-sign:

That said, when I have to be, or if I feel like I'm not being heard.. yes. It also entirely depends on the context. If it's something I have no strong feelings towards either way, or absolutely does not affect me... meh.

Honestly though, working where I do has really helped in that department. A) You can't be a bartender without being able to be assertive. You just can't. It'll end up bad all around. B) People have such batshit crazy ways of doing things at my work, that I just... can't stand by and watch them drive work underground. :rofl1:

So, yes and no. Depending on context.

ETA: I also don't think assertive = confrontational. I hate confrontation and avoid it if at all possible. Though, I can be confrontational when I need to be. Usually best over phone, though

 

[Taqroy]

In most circumstances I am assertive but not confrontational.

This. I will be confrontational if I feel like it's necessary but I'd rather just figure it out civilly.

I've gotten considerably more assertive since I 1) have dogs that have strict rules for safety purposes and 2) got pregnant and had a child. Also, I think just maturing and being more sure of myself and my life decisions has made me assertive.

 

[houlahoops]

In a field of study or performing a task that I am confident in? Absolutely. I have no problem directing or correcting when I feel that it is appropriate and useful.

That said, in novel environments or activities? I am much more comfortable doing what someone else tells me to do (even if it is blatantly wrong)

 

[SoCrafty]

I absolutely hate confrontations. But I can't stand things where I feel like someone is getting shafted or when things are out of balance. I am someone who has to read denials all day at work. I don't care if we deny something but it has to be written right and we have to have all our ducks in a row. If any of that is wrong, I will confront someone. But I will be the first to say I'm sorry.

I don't like when people are upset or mad at me and will bend over backwards to right the wrongs they feel I have imposed on them - even if they were in the wrong. I don't like speeding, texting while driving, and people KNOW better than to tell.me they drove home after a few. THOSE things I will stand up for.

But otherwise? You do your thing, believe how you want. As long as what you do doesn't affect me, or those around me and you aren't endangering yourself, go for it.