We don't all still have our dogs. I lost my heart dog almost 2 years ago and I still miss him terribly. But the sharpness of that pain does ease up after a while. I do know so well, how you're feeling. And those familiar reminders and the confusion...all the hurt, those feelings that the dog is still there, and then the realization that he is not coming back...I even wrote about. I think everyone goes through that when they lose their dog. And I am just so sorry and sad for you. Wish I could say or do something that would help. But there is no healer better than time. To show you that you are not alone in your emotions, I posted these two poems I wrote, which just spewed out of me after I lost Lyric. I'm so with you in your grief.
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What’s that?
What’s that I hear out in the hall? Are these imaginings?
I could have sworn I heard the sound of pitter patterings.
Oh woops, I almost knocked into the bowl that lies upon the floor,
But no, behold, I cleaned it up and put it in a drawer.
And it is time to trim the nails, clean the ears and check the tail.
Oh no it’s not, the chores are through, I can’t quite grasp that this is true.
Every time I hear the sound, of the door bell ringing,
I wonder why my big, black dog is not joining in the singing.
Let’s go hiking in the woods, like we always do,
Oh no, we’re missing one black dog, why can’t it all get through?
When will these habits ever stop, why do they have to be?
How could these funny, little quirks be such a part of me?
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And it is so hard to come to that place of acceptance. It's so unclear...that the dog is gone because of those reminders. You hang onto the reminders on the one hand. But you want the pain to leave. You know that when you reach acceptance, the pain will lessen, but you keep hanging on in spite of it and then you feel a little angry and so conflicted. At least this is how I felt and I thought if I posted my thoughts, it would help you to identify, give you some anchorage... and know you're not alone, at least.
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Conflict With Acceptance
You’re here beside me in my dreams, lying near the grate,
How you loved the fire, all snuggled in and yet,
Are you here or are you there, it’s hardly plain to me,
Stay or go, don’t haunt me so, this can not be the way,
Is it you or is it I, whose past will not let go?
Let time not co-mingle, like a river flow,
Take your leave, don’t be like this, decide upon your place,
But if you vanish from my dreams, there’s nothing to replace.
Why, oh why… it isn‘t fair,
to have to leave me here,
I know you didn’t mean it,
But for once you’ve hurt me dear.
If you should decide to stay,
And be with me through night and day,
I’ll be forever blessed,
But no, you go because I know that can not be the way.
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It will get better. But know we're here with you now and understand so well, your pain.
(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
