Roxie seemed like such an incredible dog, and she was lucky to have someone who cared about her so much. Just from my short time on this forum, I could tell that you two shared a special bond and that you put your heart and soul into everything you did for her. You are in my thoughts, and we're here for you if you need anything. Rest in peace, sweet girl.
Thanks to everyone for your condolences. It means a lot to us.
Every day without Roxie feels like it's getting worse. She wasn't just my heart dog; I'm realizing now that Roxie really was... everything to me. We only had 5 years, but we were instantly connected the second I looked in her eyes.
The hardest part, aside from walking in the door (even if I had been gone for a breath) and her not being there, is that I still feel her with me but I can't touch her. No more walks at 3am on Sunday mornings before work, no more hugs and getting my face licked as Roxie stands over me after a hard, emotionally draining day at work.
And perhaps the worst part, is that I'm starting to think I don't want another dog. It's a really strange feeling, one that I didn't get after I lost Buddy. But I feel like I just don't want to care anymore. I don't want a JRT named Dean, or a retired racing Greyhound... I just really do not care at all. I only want Roxie back, and what is even the point of another dog? I don't like feeling this way- I never thought I could handle being without a dog, but I guess it's being without Roxie that I can't handle.
I never thought anything could feel worse than losing Buddy, seeing her drool blood after a tumor had invaded her throat. I just really wish I had gone with a different vet. The asshole who euthanized Roxie made it a thousand times worse than seeing Buddy go the way she did. But I thought that since those vets knew Roxie, they'd make it easier. It was completely traumatic. I don't think I will ever come back from that.
I knew she had to be pts, but if I'd have known it would have gone down the way it did... I would have rather injected Roxie myself. I wish I would have told the vet to give me the needle. Or broken his nose. I'm not sure if I will ever stop being angry all the time about that experience.
Roxie deserved so much better than what life gave her. I miss her every second. I will always cherish our time together, and regret the moments I was away from her. She was and always be the most amazing dog I could have ever asked for. She was the best, and I am so lucky to have called her mine. You don't get a dog like her every dynasty, and she really, truly was mine. She crawled into my soul and will stay there forever.
I can still feel her by my side. I knew she'd never leave me. I just wish I could hold her again. I would give anything for that chance. Roxie was amazing, and beautiful, and helped me through so much. She showed me what it was like to be loved and needed, even when I was drowning in depression I never felt completely hopeless with her by my side.
I will greatly miss not having had the chance to see her old and grey, to move into my own place with her, and I will wish she could be here with me as I continue to make mistakes and grow and learn. But I will try to find a way to live without her. Because as much as I'd rather not, she worked so hard to keep me alive and she reminded me of the good, beautiful things in this world.
She was beautiful, funny, affectionate even when people were being mean to her,extraordinarily loyal, and was so smart and in tune with me that it was as if we had a telepathic bond- she always understood what I wanted, and even if she couldn't quite grasp certain things, she gave 100% all the time. Everything I wanted, she became. Anything I asked, she would do (or at least put effort into trying). I could have never dreamed of a better dog. Roxie was everything I had ever wanted. I just wish we could have had more time.
I am so sorry you lost your soul mate. I know this is a bit late, but I read that the euthanasia didn't go well, and I wanted to tell you that I can relate. I had a negative experience due to the oral sedative my vet prescribed when my 20yo cat was pts. I thought the agony over it not going as planned was unbearable, but know that it does get better. I'm not over it (3 years later,) but I can accept it. I wish you peace.
Sure does feel like half of a person is missing when they leave doesn't it. I am so sorry Roxie is no longer with you. My heart goes out to you and wishes your last moments together were not with that vet. I hope you can take comfort in the good memories and hang on to that, because I truly believe that is what they would want us to do. (((((((HUGS))))))