A Sucky Deal

meepitsmeagan

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#1
So, I haven't posted much about this as I wasn't sure I wanted to go public with it, but I need some outsider advice from people who aren't personally involved in my life.

Last year, I asked for some advice in regards to returning to school. I've mentioned the falling out with my dad on here a few times and last year he offered to pay for my schooling even though we are not on talking terms. Well... one of my greatest fears of taking this deal was met. This semester is the last one funded by the school savings fund that he was supposedly putting money into. I do not know if he is just unaware, if it is purposeful or whatnot, but I'm not comfortable with approaching him about it.

It leaves me with two options: Continue with school and get loans/pay what I can/begrudgingly take what help my mom offers (she needs to save for retirement!!) OR seriously consider taking a different path and really giving my dreamdream a go.

I've got about 4 years left of school to hopefully land in the conservation field. With loosing this funding, I could not afford to finish a double major. I would have to drop Biology down to a minor which could affect my chances at a career in the chosen field. My other option is to seriously explore becoming a cowhorse trainer and living my absolute dream. There are risks and hard work to each, but I just need some advice and guidance. I've gone over it a million times in my head and have pros and cons for each choice. My family really wants to see me stay in school, but maybe this was a sign I need to pursue a different path.

/ramblings. Halp?
 

SaraB

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#2
"All of our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney

I may not be the most responsible person to give advice on going after crazy dreams, as I was incredibly lucky to succeed in the way that I have. So take that into account reading this post.

I started college, couldn't decide on a career, but knew that I always wanted to be a dog trainer. I was putting on dog trick shows in my backyard for my neighbors when I was in elementary school. This is what I wanted to do with my life, this was the only thing that was going to make me happy. My family wanted me to go to school to have a backup plan, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to pursue my dream while giving an honest effort in school. I stopped signing up for classes to make time for dog competitions, networking opportunities and educational seminars. I devoted all of my spare time to learning under as many trainers as I could reach. It was a gamble, a ton of money and time devoted to something that may or may not ever become a full time job.

In my case it worked. I landed the job of a lifetime because of all of my hard work. I wouldn't have changed a single thing about my journey here, but I have learned that pursuing your dream is what life's all about. What if I hadn't had the courage to stand up for what I wanted to devote my life to? It's my life, I'm so glad I chose to live it how I want to.
 

meepitsmeagan

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#3
"All of our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney

I may not be the most responsible person to give advice on going after crazy dreams, as I was incredibly lucky to succeed in the way that I have. So take that into account reading this post.

I started college, couldn't decide on a career, but knew that I always wanted to be a dog trainer. I was putting on dog trick shows in my backyard for my neighbors when I was in elementary school. This is what I wanted to do with my life, this was the only thing that was going to make me happy. My family wanted me to go to school to have a backup plan, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to pursue my dream while giving an honest effort in school. I stopped signing up for classes to make time for dog competitions, networking opportunities and educational seminars. I devoted all of my spare time to learning under as many trainers as I could reach. It was a gamble, a ton of money and time devoted to something that may or may not ever become a full time job.

In my case it worked. I landed the job of a lifetime because of all of my hard work. I wouldn't have changed a single thing about my journey here, but I have learned that pursuing your dream is what life's all about. What if I hadn't had the courage to stand up for what I wanted to devote my life to? It's my life, I'm so glad I chose to live it how I want to.
I love science. I really do. I think it's cool and I think I would honestly enjoy conservation. But I would rather be on the back of a horse. It's been my dream since I can't even remember. Like you, that's all I've ever wanted to do. Dogs have kind of filled that hole, but my love for dogs doesn't even begin to compare.

I've got a few potentially awesome opportunities. Each is a ways drive, but if I had the time I could do it. Just so conflicting because if I do this, that means an even longer road of learning and I will never reach the monetary bracket I would in a science field, nor get benefits, and thus Josh would need to stick with his job he doesn't like indefinitely.
 
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#4
"All of our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney

I may not be the most responsible person to give advice on going after crazy dreams, as I was incredibly lucky to succeed in the way that I have. So take that into account reading this post.

I started college, couldn't decide on a career, but knew that I always wanted to be a dog trainer. I was putting on dog trick shows in my backyard for my neighbors when I was in elementary school. This is what I wanted to do with my life, this was the only thing that was going to make me happy. My family wanted me to go to school to have a backup plan, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to pursue my dream while giving an honest effort in school. I stopped signing up for classes to make time for dog competitions, networking opportunities and educational seminars. I devoted all of my spare time to learning under as many trainers as I could reach. It was a gamble, a ton of money and time devoted to something that may or may not ever become a full time job.

In my case it worked. I landed the job of a lifetime because of all of my hard work. I wouldn't have changed a single thing about my journey here, but I have learned that pursuing your dream is what life's all about. What if I hadn't had the courage to stand up for what I wanted to devote my life to? It's my life, I'm so glad I chose to live it how I want to.
I needed to read this too. This is me. Thank you.
 

xpaeanx

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#5
I'm not entirely sure how this will come off as I suck at communication generally...

You're married. This is a topic that needs to be discussed and decided on with your spouse. It's fine to come here and hash things out and make your pros and cons list or do that with your family members... But the discussion and decision about what you do needs to happen with your spouse. You two started a life together and what happens in it directly effects both of you. So whatever choice you do make needs to be done between you two and only you two.

I hope that makes sense. I'm really bad at verbalizing things.
 

SaraB

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#6
I needed to read this too. This is me. Thank you.
I'm always up for encouraging people to do irresponsible, amazing things in life. ;)


And I totally 100% agree that your husband and you are the only two opinions that matter with this. I absolutely would not have done what I did without the complete backing and support from my husband.
 

meepitsmeagan

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#7
I'm not entirely sure how this will come off as I suck at communication generally...

You're married. This is a topic that needs to be discussed and decided on with your spouse. It's fine to come here and hash things out and make your pros and cons list or do that with your family members... But the discussion and decision about what you do needs to happen with your spouse. You two started a life together and what happens in it directly effects both of you. So whatever choice you do make needs to be done between you two and only you two.

I hope that makes sense. I'm really bad at verbalizing things.
I am sorry if I in any way came off in a manner that suggested I would make a decision like this without consulting him. You are right, this is a huge change and it would effect both of us. However, I'm not going to pass something like this by him without a solid idea of whether or not I should even think about pursuing it and having some sort of general plan in place.

He knows where we sit will college and how much it will cost. We've discussed options and I can't tell you how many times I've brushed this off (basically ever since middle school when I decided that horse behavior is what I wanted to do and everybody told me it's a dying business and no money is to be made). I just feel like maybe this is a last chance for me to explore it.

I've come here before for opinions and have gotten some great input. I think a lot of these people are super insightful and think of things I wouldn't and have no personal attachment to what they think I should do with my life. I just want some outsider thoughts. If I do decide that I want to pursue this choice, then I will sit down with Josh and we will probably have several discussions about it. We are both logical and reasonable people and I would completely understand if he didn't think it was a good fit. I just hate to think that my life may pass with so many chances at taking this leap and I turned all of them down just because it was a little taboo.

I hope this didn't come off as snarky. That isn't how it is meant. :)
 

xpaeanx

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#8
Well the thing is you could get people who say do it, but he says no and then you feel resentment towards him bc you got all responses saying do it and were kinda settled on it.

Or you could get a lot of responses saying no, don't do it. so you never talk to him about it and maybe he would have been all for it.

You said you've gone over it a million times and have your pros and cons. You know what your ultimate dream is and what that means. I think you've already made your choice.

So go talk to him and present everything you've put on your list and see what he says.

Unless you're looking for more pros and cons I'd say your mind is pretty well set. What any one of us would do in your situation doesn't matter. What matters is what you and Josh decide to do.
 

yoko

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#9
Well the thing is you could get people who say do it, but he says no and then you feel resentment towards him bc you got all responses saying do it and were kinda settled on it.

Or you could get a lot of responses saying no, don't do it. so you never talk to him about it and maybe he would have been all for it.

You said you've gone over it a million times and have your pros and cons. You know what your ultimate dream is and what that means. I think you've already made your choice.

So go talk to him and present everything you've put on your list and see what he says.

Unless you're looking for more pros and cons I'd say your mind is pretty well set. What any one of us would do in your situation doesn't matter. What matters is what you and Josh decide to do.
First off for me, personally, I would do it no questions asked. I went for a ton of 'dream jobs'. Not all worked out but I don't regret trying.

That being said I have no children or significant other so any decisions I make only affect me.

I think that xpaeanx brings up some good points. Maybe hear what he thinks and then ask for advice or input? All the 'go for it' inputs could be wasted if he ends up just saying no on the spot or things it isn't a feasible idea. This way people can give advice to the actual situation instead of the 'what ifs' that it is right now.
 

stardogs

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#10
If you already have some opportunities for pursuing the field you are most interested in, and hubby is supportive, I say take the leap.

You can *always* go back to school, and depending on the opportunities available you might be able to put some money aside for a return to school if you want to give yourself a bit more of a cushion there.

I'm not a fan of racking up major educational debt for something that you're settling for if you have the ability to test out your ultimate dream. Test out the dream first, THEN consider debt.
 

meepitsmeagan

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#11
Wasn't able to have a full conversation with him tonight as he was heading to work, but we tentitively decided that I can pursue a working internship for the summer. The ranch I'm looking at is an hour away, and with older vehicles and gas costs, one full day a week is probably all that is feasible.

That said, I can still work full time and pack away money for next year's classes.

I will finish this semester, take the one class I can afford for spring and then hopefully work this out with the ranch assuming they are still willing. If not, I do have a few other choices. As of right now, I don't see why I can't do small summer things to work toward it until I either completely run out of money or decide to take it more seriously. On the flip side, if it doesn't work out or I am able to complete my degree, I haven't lost much ground.

See! You guys do help.
 

Dizzy

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#13
It seriously depends on your circumstances.

If you can afford to take a gamble, then take a gamble, but remember most people don't land their fantasy dream jobs. That's why they're mostly fantasies.

I'm a gambler, but I can be, I've always been in a position where I had a fall back. I've never been close to being homeless, or not having food, or people I could rely on at the end of the day if it all went tits up.

If you don't have those things, then play safe, work hard and try and get to a place you can be happy. Then gamble. Of you're there already, then take a risk :) we only live once, and 9 times out of 10 if it goes wrong you can just start over again.
 

Zoom

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#14
If Josh is on board with you going the cowhorse route, I say GO FOR IT. I'm much like Sara in supporting crazy gambles if it means living your dream.

I'm doing the responsible thing right now with my job (i.e. keeping it because I need the work history to buy a condo in the next couple months) and I hate it. I dread coming to work every day anymore and it just sucks. So I fully support anyone who has the chance to do something better.

Like someone else said, school will always be there. But don't go digging yourself into crazy debt to go do something you don't have that same burning passion about.
 

Shai

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#15
Just stopping in to say best of luck :) and I totally understand wanting to think it through so you have your priorities and wants somewhat figured out before going to your spouse. When I was offered my current job (involved an out of state move, selling our newly purchased house, leaving both our jobs, living apart for an extended period of time, etc.) I sat on the offer for a week before going to hubby. I needed to think it through on my own without his input biasing me, so I could figure out what I really wanted and how important it was to me. Then of course I also gave him time to think it through (didn't take long...as expected he was very pro-move) before voicing his preferences and reasons. Different couples operate differently. Glad to hear your other half is willing and able to support you exploring your dream :)
 

Taqroy

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#16
I'm not a fan of racking up major educational debt for something that you're settling for if you have the ability to test out your ultimate dream. Test out the dream first, THEN consider debt.
This. I came out of school with far less debt than most people and it was still awful. I really wish I'd tried other things before wasting a bunch of time and money in college (even though it worked out and I don't regret it, there were better ways to go about it).

The ranch I'm looking at is an hour away, and with older vehicles and gas costs, one full day a week is probably all that is feasible.
Can you trade one of your older cars for something more gas efficient? I sold my '96 Honda Accord for $1300 and it was the most reliable thing EVER.
 

PWCorgi

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#17
I would say if you are unsure about whether you will like the job opportunities that you have when you graduate, then go for your dreams!

If you are fairly sure that you will like your life/job with the degree you are on the path to getting, I would say stay in school.

Another thing to consider is that a history of leaving and re-entering college doesn't look awesome on a resume (or so I've been told over and over), and it could especially hurt job opportunities if your chosen career path has a lot more applicants than it does available jobs.

But I'm not, in general, a huge risk-taker without some kind of promised reward.
 

meepitsmeagan

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#18
I love the input here. :)

Just stopping in to say best of luck :) and I totally understand wanting to think it through so you have your priorities and wants somewhat figured out before going to your spouse. When I was offered my current job (involved an out of state move, selling our newly purchased house, leaving both our jobs, living apart for an extended period of time, etc.) I sat on the offer for a week before going to hubby. I needed to think it through on my own without his input biasing me, so I could figure out what I really wanted and how important it was to me. Then of course I also gave him time to think it through (didn't take long...as expected he was very pro-move) before voicing his preferences and reasons. Different couples operate differently. Glad to hear your other half is willing and able to support you exploring your dream :)
Glad to hear I'm not the only one who likes to initially go through things alone! It just gives me a sense of clarity with my hopes and then I am able to communicate better my expectations or what have you. I went through a similar situation when I decided to return to school and wanted to move west. We decided it wouldn't be good for our marriage and I had no resentments and found a compromise. We always make it work.

This. I came out of school with far less debt than most people and it was still awful. I really wish I'd tried other things before wasting a bunch of time and money in college (even though it worked out and I don't regret it, there were better ways to go about it).

Can you trade one of your older cars for something more gas efficient? I sold my '96 Honda Accord for $1300 and it was the most reliable thing EVER.
We currently have a really nicely kept 04 GMC Canyon that is my daily driver. It's super dependable and I really wouldn't want to trade it out. We are replacing Josh's motor before winter as well. So I guess it is more, don't add unnecessary miles and wear and tear?

I'd definitely like to stay out of debt a much as possible. We are working on a savings plan, it's just it was an unexpected expense so it takes some time. I'm getting financial aid reevaluated, but josh makes a good salary so we will see. I have a feeling we won't qualify for much.

I would say if you are unsure about whether you will like the job opportunities that you have when you graduate, then go for your dreams!

If you are fairly sure that you will like your life/job with the degree you are on the path to getting, I would say stay in school.

Another thing to consider is that a history of leaving and re-entering college doesn't look awesome on a resume (or so I've been told over and over), and it could especially hurt job opportunities if your chosen career path has a lot more applicants than it does available jobs.

But I'm not, in general, a huge risk-taker without some kind of promised reward.
The drop out and return aspect is a good point. I hadn't thought about how that would look on a resume.

I guess I'm liking this plan of working with the ranch in the summer and just taking smaller amounts of classes so it is more affordable. If anything, the experience is good for my personal future horse and my degree can be used for pasture management and grazing control if I can find a gig like that if training doesn't work or I can't find something in conservation.
 

yoko

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#19
Another thing to consider is that a history of leaving and re-entering college doesn't look awesome on a resume (or so I've been told over and over), and it could especially hurt job opportunities if your chosen career path has a lot more applicants than it does available jobs.

But I'm not, in general, a huge risk-taker without some kind of promised reward.
I just wanted to mention from my experience with my last two jobs. When we looked at resumes it wasn't necessarily that they dropped out and kept going back that hurt a lot of people's chance. It was the fact they'd take time off and then finally get a job. FT sometimes but most of the time PT. Then they'd either severely cut back hours or fully quit to go back to school.

Going back to school wasn't what hurt them their unstable work history from dropping out and going back to school repeatedly did.

Not all places may be like that but I know the last two jobs that was one thing they always pointed out to me when they trained me to interview.
 
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