Yes.
I never felt unsafe here. I mean, it's a city full of college students, police officers.. it's safe, we hold giant events and sports games and parades and I've never felt like I couldn't feel safe in the city or in my home.
but now I do. I don't want to but the idea that this could happen at the marathon, one of the oldest running and most highly monitored/"safe" police attended events.. it's scary.
I used to walk down my streets and see happy memories. I was excited for my first marathon monday, people I loved were running and I was so happy to have an apartment that was so close to everything. when I bought my apartment I specifically wanted a place "where all the action was".. now the thought of that makes me horrified.
I look at the area and there used to be the candy store I like to go, the steps of the library where I have lunch during the week, the patch of pretty grass I take Merlin to play, the road I walk to go to work every day, the restaurants I like, the train station I take to go to school, my apartment building
The blood is cleared, and the road is blocked off still but I don't know when I will look outside my window or walk down the street and ever see those happy things again and not just see the aftermath.
I was reading one of the brother's twitters and it scared me.. not because he was an evil, menacing, terrorist.. but because of how normal it all seemed.
A few weeks ago he liked game of thrones, breaking bad, he procrastinated doing homework, he had friends, he had family, he had a favorite sports team..
it’s weird that the capacity for anything lives in all of us.
And that there aren't sociopaths/villains and then everyone else, just people.
The fact that anyone is capable of doing such a thing, anywhere, even in a city I like to call safe.. it's scary.
Before this I felt untouchable. As ridiculous as it sounds. I lived in a safe city, in a safe neighborhood, in a country I thought was secure, full of college students and people I thought were trustworthy, Boston felt fun, it felt safe.. it felt like home.
Bombings and terrorists and murderers were tragedies found in newspapers of far away places and dark corners and alleyways of places I just didn't go. They were sad but they were distant.
Now I feel like there is so much potential for evil..all over the place. When I used to see just potential for good.
A lot of this has to do with the fact that I live here. There really was so avoiding it.