Shouldn't have done that :(

[k9krazee]

I'm on my boyfriend's computer and got bored so I went looking through his AIM chat transcripts (I do it sometimes on my computer, I like looking at our online conversations from a couple years ago and laughing about them).

I overstepped a boundary and was reading his chats with other people. I got to this girl that I've never even heard him talk about, but apparently he has been chatting with her pretty regularly since August. Most of the chats he tells her how beautiful and perfect she is, how he wants her to send him naked pictures, how he often thinks about her, etc. How he really doesn't want to see her again because he's afraid that 'flame' will be there. She avoids most of the questions, and doesn't reciprocate the flirting, even asks where I was. One time he said, "It's okay, she's not around".

I'm at work for the next 5 hours and now I don't feel like I can get anything done. When we first started dating I did something similar, with his permission, read his myspace messages with another girl. They were disturbing, but it all happened before we were together so it didn't really matter. This is new. This is recent. This hurts. I should have learned my lesson.

I need to talk to him about it. I'm pretty sure he'd be LIVID if I ever had some of the conversations that he's had with her. I just don't know how to bring it up. I want to be honest and tell him that I read them, and see what he has to say about it.

Why do boys have to be stupid? How can you tell someone that you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them and then openly act like that with another girl?! I know him, I know he's a lot of talk and would (hopefully) never act on these things, but it just hurts. I feel betrayed and unwanted.

Thanks for letting me vent/cry.

[Romy]

Well, it wasn't cool of you to go through his messages without his permission.

That being said, it's pretty goonish of him to solicit naked pictures from girls he knows online while dating you, and doing it behind your back. I dated a guy like that once. It's not worth it. You will always be wondering if he is doing it behind your back. And he will probably always be doing it. Eventually that boyfriend did cheat on me (with one of the "friends" he im'd dirty convos with).

He is not showing you love and respect. You deserve someone who does.

[puppydog]

Leave. You can never trust him and you shouldn't. Walk away now before you find out worse.
Always remember, you only get what you ALLOW yourself to deserve. If you hang around with this knowlege, you will get cheated on!

[KenyiGirl]

I'm sorry K9. Romy's post is right on the money.

[cricketsmygirl]

Awww, I'm sorry to hear that. Tread lightly when it comes to men like this. Just be glad you didn't find those pictures on your step fathers computer then have to listen to the after affects of it...shew, that was one hell of a fight and I was the one at the head of it all. I love my mother and I was livid that the ******* would do something like that.

[mrose_s]

I say leave.
My last BF was like that. My mistake with him is I didn't walk away the first time I found out he'd acted on it. I just wouldn't stop forgiving him and I ended up shattered.
Still stayed friends with him and the only thing that keeps him from messing with my head too much is that I'm 4000km away.

[Gustav]

Maybe you shouldn't have.. But it's not like you were suspiciously snooping, you weren't actually looking for things to catch him out with.

And in actual fact maybe he DID want you to find them, I mean how daft is it to give your gf access to your computer which has explicit messages to another woman? It's just begging to be caught out at the end of the day. Plus wouldn't you just delete them if you didn't want to risk being caught?

I'm not sneakily natured, but it just seems logical to me.

I'd leave personally.. He's not worth the heartache.

[Barb04]

I'd say this isn't the boyfriend for you. You deserve better. Maybe you shouldn't have looked, but you did, now you know, and he should be history.

[Chewbecca]

oh god, this is painful.

This is one of those things that no matter HOW innocently you go looking, you should NEVER look unless you are prepared to do something about what you find.

I just couldn't imagine finding out my husband (well, in my case he's my husband) was sending messages like that to another woman. I trust him SOOO much that I would literally be DESTROYED if I found something like that.

You need to leave this douche.
And one day you WILL find someone that you wouldn't even THINK of "accidentally" rummaging through his computer files.
They are out there.

[BullMastiffMama]

Can't unring the bell... and I really think there's no good way to bring this up.

That said, CAN HIM! You can't undo the fact that you have this knowledge now. It will eat at you.

I would tell him *why* he's out with yesterday's trash, but don't bother get sucked into the privacy argument. You already know it wasn't okay... all he can do is reiterate that for you. (And his opinion is worth WHAT now, exactly?)

What he was up to is scummy. Getting rid of him now may hurt like hell, but I've got to think it will be better than the eventual split however long down the road. If you stay with him, there will be plenty of suspicion (on both parts) and hurt to keep you miserable.