House Rules

[Renee750il]

We've probably had this one up before, but it's always funny

PET RULES

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

[Lizmo]

ROFLOLOLOLOLOL! That is great Renee!

This is my favorite

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

But Lizzie does this in the morning...just runnning UP and DOWN, UP and DOWN the stairs till I get up

[jess2416]

Thats great soooo true

Especially this part:

I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

[dr2little]

That is funny, I'm going to print it and put it on the fridge..very low of course.

[Whisper]

That's been posted on my refrigerator for quite some time.

[Kase]

Oh how did I miss these! I love the NASCAR one too .

[DemitriousK]

It's all about the bed line for me. We all end up sleeping like letter T's on the QUEEN (need a king need a king need a king need a king) when we all manage to sleep in one room to begin with

[dogstarsleddogs]

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

I cant remember how many times I've gone through this. Dont know how many times I've said "Hey, you, thats my food, I know you have your own food, eat that!"

[Fruit bat]

Love it !!!!!!!!

[Aussie Red]

Originally Posted by DemitriousK

It's all about the bed line for me. We all end up sleeping like letter T's on the QUEEN (need a king need a king need a king need a king) when we all manage to sleep in one room to begin with

lol Glad I am not the only one that wakes up in a pretzel shape.
This is very cute Renee. I have seen it before but he he now I can steal it lol.