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Old 03-08-2005, 03:41 PM
lavenderlady5 lavenderlady5 is offline
3 Big Dogs
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 21
Default Sa sad over my dog passing

I wrote about a week ago or so about my baby Bently passing away. I am still crying. I know you can all understand that. Also, I cannot get some things out of my mind that make it worse. You see, my husband and I got a call to go out of town (2000) miles as my mum has been sick and they didn't think she was going to make it. Of course, my husband and I jumped on a plane right away. That was a Wed. night. We flew overnight. On Thurs a.m. we called our dog sitter to see how the boys were. She said Bently hadn't eaten. Since his cancer he had become a bit fussier. My husband and I had decided that if Bently didn't eat dinner that he was going to fly back home on the Friday to get him to eat. We just thought he was being a fuss-cat. Anyway, Thurs. pm our sitter said he still hadn't eaten. We told her that my husband was coming our to help. That night Bently passed away. IT BREAKS MY HEART to no end that we were not there to help him pass. We were not there to hold his paw. We have only left him twice before and that was when he was doing really well. I cannot believe that the second night we were gone he made his great escape. She found him on the kitchen floor. It makes me cry thinking that he just died by himself. I would have got his favorite blankie for him and some tennis balls that he loved so much... I am just crying so hard and all I do is cry when I think of the lonely way he passed. Of course, we had no choice but to see my mum (who is getting better), but why oh why were we not there. Some days I just spend the afternoon crying about all of this. I am inconsolable. Thank you for listening to my broken heart.
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Old 03-08-2005, 03:52 PM
Saje Saje is offline
Island dweller
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 23,932

Awww. I think that Bentley wanted to pass quietly on his own. If he wanted you to be around he would have held on longer. I really believe that because my grandfather passed quietly in the night at the hospital. My Grandma was torn up about that for years until she met a nurse who told her that some people choose to go quietly without the presence of loved ones. She said that dying is a very personal thing and everyone chooses to go about it differently. I don't doubt that it is the same with animals too.

I don't know if that helps you at all. I know that it is a horrible thing to go through. It's so hard to lose an animal. Particularly to a disease or accident or anything that takes them from us before their time.

Please write as much as you like. Everyone here understands and we want to be your 'shoulder.'
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Old 03-08-2005, 04:00 PM
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Renee750il Renee750il is offline
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Where the selas blooms
Posts: 94,266

Some dogs - like some people - choose to go when they are alone and quiet. EliNHunter's Eli went the same way your Bently did; while she was away on a necessary trip. I know you wish you had been with him at the very end, but you were doing something you had no choice about. Rest assured, there was never any doubt in his mind that you love him beyond words.

I like the way you describe his passing, making his "great escape." How beautiful - how free!

There is a verse from the Qu'ran that I've always liked since I first stumbled across it while reading some poetry, "All animals that roam the earth, and all birds that fly through the air, form communities like your own. We have left out nothing from our book. All animals and all birds will be gathered before their Lord."

I've always thought those people who would say "it's just a dog (or cat, or other animal)" or held that animals had no souls were about as heartless and empty-souled as anything that breathes can possibly get. So, you cry and mourn Bently for as long as you need to. And you tell us about it as many times as you want. You will always remember your gentle Bently and he will always hold his very own place in your heart, but one day you'll be able to think about him and talk about him without your heart breaking. One day you'll be remembering something about him and you'll smile instead of crying.
In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. ~Buddha

Stupid is the most notoriously incurable and contagious disease known to mankind. If you find yourself in close proximity to someone infected with stupid, walk away as soon as said infection is noted.

There are few things more nauseating than pure obedience. ~ Kvothe

***8206;"silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation."
Be a god. Know when to shut up.

Good Kharma Tags
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Old 03-08-2005, 04:53 PM
Cidney Cidney is offline
Big Dog
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 140

lavenderlady5, your story brought tears to my eyes as I read it and I know the pain you feel. Take as long as you need to grieve, there are no limits to how long it takes and please come here for support when you need it. I know you may not want to hear this now but time will make things better and stop beating yourself up about not being with Bently, you had to do what you had to do by going on that trip. Maybe Bently wanted to make his passing easier on you and thats when he passed when did.

I agree with Rene and Saje about how loved ones will sometimes pass on to their heaven alone. My mother was ill for so long with cancer and she had family at her bed side almost 24 hours a day. The one single hour my father left to go home to change clothes and before my sister could get to the hospital, my mother decided to leave this world and she was alone.

Try to remember the things that made you laugh and smile, look at funny photos of Bently, find something special of his and hold on to it. I still have the ashes of one of my beloved Yorkies from 6 years ago, I cant part with the ashes, it makes me feel like he is still near by. I put one of his favorite tennis balls in with the ashes as well, people think I am nuts but it makes me feel better.

Hang in there!
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Old 03-08-2005, 04:55 PM
nicco nicco is offline
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Bucharest-Romania
Posts: 956

Renee, you're so right! Stories like that make me sad .
Well...I'm here for you lavenderlady5.
My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.

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Old 03-09-2005, 08:17 AM
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Barb04 Barb04 is offline
Love my pets
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 27,363

Lavenderlady5, it's okay to cry over Bently. Your emotions will go through highs and lows until one day when you can accept inside that Bently is now is a better place and in peace at last. Bently will always be in your heart. Think about the good times you had and how you both were blessed to have each other in your lives.

There are times when I can cry over my pets that left me for Doggy Heaven many years ago. I then take out some pictures and have a quiet moment just remembering all the special times.

Any time you need to talk, please talk to us. When you feel you can, maybe you could share something special about Bently with us. You're in our thoughts.
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Old 03-09-2005, 09:50 AM
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Debi Debi is offline
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 15,731

One thing you can be sure of, everyone here understands and feels your pain. I know it's been said over and over.....but I had a friend who adored her cat for 16 yrs, then one day the cat made a dash to get outside. My friend was frantic, and then found the cat dead a few feet into the woods. It was devastating...but the cat had been ill for a long time, and I know he went off to die by was truly what the cat wanted. We know he died of natural causes. It took awhile for her to come to grips with that..she blamed herself because he got out. I personally don't think she could have prevented him from going where he felt most comfortable. You had a wonderful friend, and I think that's just how he wanted to pass on. You are the best to have given such love. Your pup would never want you to feel such guilt. Always feel free to vent and cry....and come to us to talk about him anytime. My heart breaks for your sadness. ((((hugs))))
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Old 03-09-2005, 07:21 PM
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bubbatd bubbatd is offline
Top Dog
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 64,812

It's been 5 years since I lost my beloved Bubba.....He was my "velcro" dog. Daughter (ElinHunter ) and I had taken a 3 day "getaway" leaving Bubba and Chip with my husband Tom. We left on Friday and Sunday morning Tom tried to get Bubba up for his usual Paper retrieve, he was gone. He was near the window watching for my return. When I returned my other daughter greeting me crying " I'm so sorry !' I thought it was Tom, as he had been sick. When Tom appeared, I knew it was Bubba and went into total meltdown (would have done the same with Tom, but Bubba had no health issues.) He was my baby, I was his hero. I still think of him as my "velcro dog"...we went through so much. Keep Bentley close to your heart and remember he did what was best for you....I think Bubba did . Bless the fuzzy hearts that give us happy memories. I know Tom and Bubba plus 12 more are waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge......if the dogs let him in!!!
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Old 03-09-2005, 09:54 PM
nohea nohea is offline
Active Pup
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 29
Default Love your memories

It's so hard when you lose your baby, no matter how long they're with you. We've lost 5 dogs (2 puppies) in the last 2 1/2 years, and I don't know I'll ever recover. My dear Shepherd did the same thing and waited until we were away and passed that night, I really believe he didn't want us to see it. We came back that night and I cried for days, it's been 2 1/2 years and I still miss him dearly, we share your pain and know that our thoughts are with you during this hard time.
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Old 03-09-2005, 10:32 PM
Kevin45 Kevin45 is offline
Devout animal lover
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Urbana, Ohio
Posts: 26

I kept this that someone sent to me about 5 years ago when our dog Missy passed:

" I explained to St. Peter I'd rather wait here, outside the Pearly Gates. I won't be a nuisance, I won't even bark, I'll be very patient and wait. I'll be here chewing on a Celestial bone no matter how long you may be. For I'd miss you so much if I went in alone, it wouldn't be Heaven for me. "
I had tears in my eyes also. Sometimes I think it is harder to bury a pet than it is a person. A pet is always there for you no matter what kind of day you have. They listen to every word that you have to say. Even though they might cock there head to the side when they speak they are just poking fun at what you are saying!!!!! I don't mean to bring tears, but just enjoy what you had. When our Missy passed away I told my wife I would that we would not have any more animals for awhile. That lasted for about four days until I had to drop a stray cat off at the local pound. Our Collie caught my heart right from the first sight. I can't imagine what would have become of her if I would have not went there. Everything happens for a reason and I am a firm believer that animal souls do become reincarnated. I have one that is proof. My deepest condolences on your loss but there is a brand new one just waiting.

My sincerest condolences
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