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Old 02-22-2015, 11:07 AM
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Default Is the "honeymoon" period actually a thing?

I am talking about people here, not dogs, though I am interested if it is actually a thing with dog ownership as well, as I hear it talked about a lot

Human relationships intrigue me, and this is something I have been wondering about. I have been with my S/O for four years. In those four years, we have spent pretty much every ounce of our time together. We have fought literally zero times, even during stressful situations. We still write long sappy notes to each other and send "i love you" texts to each other while we're at work or school. My favorite part of the day is coming home to see him, we are still super cuddly lovey-dovey, and we still do little things for each other "just because". I guess the one thing that has changed is I don't get that "butterflies" feeling every time I see him, but that is because I'm not nervous around him anymore; we know everything about each other and are extremely comfortable, so I don't need to be. But "comfortable" doesn't equal "bored", and we still definitely have that "in love" feeling.

But looking at my friends and family who are my age and have been in relationships for similiar amounts of time, that doesn't seem to be the norm. From what I can gather, they still love their significant others, but they don't feel IN love with them anymore; honestly, from what I see they don't even seem to like each other. Some of them have a scheduled date night, but other than that they don't really do anything together. They all chalk it up to the honeymoon period ending, and they all said it ended after anywhere from 6 months to 2 years.

So is the honeymoon period really a thing? I can't help but feel like it's just a term to describe how people get together with the first person they feel affection for, then once the "new" feeling wears off it's like...oh, I'm not actually compatible with this person. Whoops. Did you have a "honeymoon" period? When did it end?

Sorry if this makes no sense and is just a jumbled mess haha. I just woke up and this was the thought I woke up with. I'm going back to sleep now.
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Old 02-22-2015, 11:21 AM
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Being an outside observer of human romantic relationships, meaning I've never been in one myself, it seems there is an "infatuation" period. Where people feel "in love" with the other person but as the years go by and they spend more time with that person it starts to wear away.

It seems that infatuation and actual love feel the same at first but one lasts longer than the other.
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Old 02-22-2015, 11:40 AM
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This is perfect timing.

Well SO and I had been together 4.5 years. We were long distance for a year and then moved in together. I think for the first... 3 years we were very happy and lovey. But it's very difficult living with someone. Neither of us had ever been on our 'own' and going straight from our parent's to living together was a shock.

Earlier this week we both decided to end the relationship and go our separate ways. I believe we still love each other but we are not IN love. We had become roommates and there was a slight resentment building. I thought it best we separated before we hated each other. And we both have our personal demons that need to be taken care of before relationships can be formed or mended. I think this happens especially when you're young. I was 17 when we got together and now at 22 I want different things in life.

So, yes, I think there is a honeymoon period. But there are exceptions to everything. Every relationship is so crazy, it's really hard to compare your's to other's when you really get into it. We're all different and what works for one couple would break another. If you are happy, awesome. STAY HAPPY. Don't let jaded people get you down.
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Old 02-22-2015, 11:41 AM
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I've been with my SO for over 10 years (dating/engaged for 4.5 years, married for 5.5). We still send I love you texts. Not everyday, but it's not uncommon to send/receive one or two throughout the week. We also see nothing wrong with spending the weekends together, without seeing another person, only the two of us.
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Old 02-22-2015, 11:51 AM
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Michael and I have been together for almost four years now, married for just over one. I still feel the exact same as when we first started dating, save for the fact that now I don't care if he sees me with unshaven legs/bad hair/and wearing my super comfy but not very sexy pajamas. LOL I still smile when he texts me. Spending my afternoons with him is still one of my favorite things to do. He still makes my heart jump when he surprises me with flowers. I can't imagine not having him in my life. Sure, we have disagreements and "discussions". But they're just that - discussions. Sometimes heated, but they are never fights. Ha, it's kind of funny...we've actually never had to argue about finances. I've had to tell him to cut back on fast food and video games and he helps keep me in check when I want to buy All The Things for the animals, but things like budgeting, savings, credit card usage...we were on the same page from the get go. We've argued more about how to do the laundry than we have finances.

So, if there is a honey moon period, ours hasn't ended yet! But then again, we didn't go in to our relationship thinking it was going to be all rainbows, sunshine and fairy farts. We also have the same goals in life (minus a few minor details) and are working towards the same desires. I think that makes a difference.
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Old 02-22-2015, 12:13 PM
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It sounds to me like you guys have a very strong relationship and are very compatible.

As long as you feel this way, there's no reason for it to ever change I do believe in the honeymoon period somewhat, but it doesn't have to end. Ideally, a relationship grows stronger and more understanding as time goes on, so rather than the honeymoon period ending, it can evolve into a deeper relationship.

I think that those who complain about the honeymoon period ending, and state that 'things are so different now' etc, etc, are probably somewhat incompatible. There shouldn't be a DRASTIC change in your feelings for your s/o over the years. Sure, you're people, and people change, but IMO the strongest relationships will include people who make their relationship a priority, so that it doesn't change drastically over the years.
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Old 02-22-2015, 12:49 PM
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Yes there's a honeymoon period, but referring to not even really seeming to like each other as "the honeymoon period ending" is... not really fair haha. The honeymoon period ending is supposed to mean the puppy love stage is over and in it's place is the comfortable strength of an enduring love. You aren't in love because things are new and exciting and OMG, you're in love because you are.

It seems to have become very common to stay in relationships because at least you are in one. At least you have somebody to come home to. A warm body in the bed. Someone to eat dinner with should you so choose. If you have an agreed-upon date night, even easier, holy crap, you know every Thursday you have a "date" and you don't even have to work for it. Does it matter if you're not really happy? Because at least you aren't alone.

An overwhelming number of my friends are married or in very long term relationships. And I am actually happy to say most of my friends not only still enjoy their SO but love each other. But I do have friends who are in relationships just to be in one. Man, I get it, being single blows, being lonely is horrible. But there are worse things than being alone - like being in a relationship and STILL being lonely.

It takes guts to choose being alone over staying in a relationship that has actually ended.


That said, I think sometimes people also give up too easily rather than fighting to fix relationships that could be fixed, or being that people now suck at intimacy they don't even know how to build it into a relationship once the "butterflies" vacate, but those are different issues. Sometimes people are not compatible, like you said, and that is actually okay. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either person, it's just not the right match. And sometimes you can love somebody very much and it's STILL not the right match - this is okay too. But society views somebody who isn't in a relationship as wrong or damaged somehow, so we are made to believe making these decisions and exiting a relationship is NOT actually okay... so people stay when they should leave, they try to make a round peg fit a square hole, and everybody goes "Eh. It's because the honeymoon period is over."
That's totally not what that saying means.
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Old 02-22-2015, 01:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beanie View Post
Yes there's a honeymoon period, but referring to not even really seeming to like each other as "the honeymoon period ending" is... not really fair haha. The honeymoon period ending is supposed to mean the puppy love stage is over and in it's place is the comfortable strength of an enduring love. You aren't in love because things are new and exciting and OMG, you're in love because you are.
Perfectly put.
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Old 02-22-2015, 01:05 PM
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Beanie's spot on I think!

DH and I have been together for almost 11 years, married for almost 7. We've always been pretty independent within the relationship, and we have our arguments, but in the end, we are still "in love" and still truly enjoy spending time with one another. We have set weekly lunches that I really look forward to, and we just fit so well.

It's work at times, and we do have days/weeks where we pick at each other for no real reason, but such is life. It doesn't mean anything other than one or both of use was a little stressed. We talk about it, and we always bounce back.

I see a LOT of relationships fail because of unfair expectations and poor communication.
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Old 02-22-2015, 01:19 PM
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Oh yes things definitely change with time. You grow up, circumstances change, if you have children it's a whole different relationship...
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