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  #11  
Old 01-09-2014, 07:27 AM
release the hounds release the hounds is offline
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Are there some military mom/spouse groups you can join? Its good to talk with people that have successfully been thru something like you are now.
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  #12  
Old 01-09-2014, 09:07 AM
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Thanks for all of the advice, everyone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Airn View Post
Maybe write a journal\diary\blog? When I start stressing I also tend to over think. When SO and I were long distance, there were many emails I never sent. Just writing my feelings out helped. Maybe it's silly but just an idea.

I agree with the others. Boys aren't the best at communicating. Subtlety is wasted them
When he was at RTC, how I survived was writing in a journal. Everything that I normally would have discussed with him throughout the day go written down. Sometimes it stayed there, other times it was material for the letters I wrote.
I tend to do this now through texting. Just short things that pop into my head throughout the day or pictures of the dogs being silly. I know he won't get them until evening and I know unless I'm actually asking a question he won't respond to them, but it makes me feel better sharing things, and I know he really likes the pictures.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sassafras View Post
...
For example, even in this day and age, my husband (along with a lot of men) still "says" I love you by doing things...
Which is some of the issue. Mike very much so shows the way he feels by DOING things. But when he's not around to do them, I have a hard time getting feedback from him (or enough to assuage my insane mind, anyway), because his number one (and two and three) method of communication isn't an option.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MilliesMom View Post
If there's one thing I've learned in all the years I've been married, it's that you've got to be specific. If you mention something, nine times out of ten he'll come back with, "why didn't you tell me that?".
Oh, yes, this is something we've already discovered. LOL He understands no subtlety. You have to tell him something straight up or he wont' understand that you're telling him something. And when I did speak with him about it, that is what I did. I straight up told him how I was feeling and what he could do to make it better. And he did try. I think I'm just going to have to refresh his memory now that he's back in Missouri again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by release the hounds View Post
Are there some military mom/spouse groups you can join? Its good to talk with people that have successfully been thru something like you are now.
I haven't found one I like, tbh. I have looked, but...they just don't appeal to me.
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  #13  
Old 01-09-2014, 09:55 AM
krissy krissy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
For example, I whine about something and my boyfriend has to offer a solution. I don't want a solution, I wanted an emotional rant and release. But he's always about the logic. I'm the thinker, he's the doer.
OMG, THIS.

Drives my BF nutty when I get into a mood where I'm ranting and complaining, and maybe swearing or even crying about something that is sometimes not THAT big of a deal. Early in the relationship he would just try to rationalize that it wasn't that big of a deal and not to worry, or offer suggestions... later in the relationship he was tending to get annoyed and be like "Stop crying. It really isn't a big deal". So I had to explain to him... I'm not looking for advice or comfort. I NEED to swear and scream and cry and rant so that I can calm down and look at the situation objectively and deal with it. He still totally doesn't get it, but at least he "gets" it.

Seriously... men and women are actually different species. I'm convinced.
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  #14  
Old 01-09-2014, 10:39 AM
release the hounds release the hounds is offline
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I don't think I'd like those groups either, but thought it would be worth a shot.

You're in a tough situation, he's in a tough situation, so nothing is going to be easy. Comforting I know. You have to realize he's in training and his time is not his time anymore. He's under stresses and things you can't know about and he probably doesn't have time to tell you about them, and even if he did, there's nothing you could do about it

And on the flip side, you have needs to. He has to realize that. He has to see that things can't just be shut out and everything moves ahead as planned. When he does have time, he has to make a conscious decision to make sure he can give you what he can.

This is going to take a lot of understanding on both sides. I don't know what he's thinking, but since you put your feelings out there I will comment on them a bit. I do think you have to find a way to find peace and confidence within yourself. I"m not a therapist, I have no idea how so i'm not much help. Maybe just concentrate on what you CAN do. You can't make him talk, you can't control how often you communicate, you can't control how others feel

But you can concentrate on yourself. Concentrate on your household, animals, job, family members, hobby. Do things that are going to enrich your lives for that time when he comes back. I'm sure those are personal for a lot of people, but I am sure everyone has things they can do as well.
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  #15  
Old 01-09-2014, 11:22 AM
Psyfalcon Psyfalcon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
For example, I whine about something and my boyfriend has to offer a solution. I don't want a solution, I wanted an emotional rant and release. But he's always about the logic. I'm the thinker, he's the doer.
Counter point:
Then why are you ranting to "me." If you don't need a solution, I swear that the dog is even better at listening to emotional rants than "me". Especially if I am busy. And if I am a thousand miles away, I can not fix most things, so uhhh, can "you" stop talking my ear off?

Girls are weird...
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  #16  
Old 01-09-2014, 12:13 PM
release the hounds release the hounds is offline
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^^^^^

This guy is genius
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  #17  
Old 01-09-2014, 12:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Psyfalcon View Post
Counter point:
Then why are you ranting to "me." If you don't need a solution, I swear that the dog is even better at listening to emotional rants than "me". Especially if I am busy. And if I am a thousand miles away, I can not fix most things, so uhhh, can "you" stop talking my ear off?

Girls are weird...
Quote:
Originally Posted by release the hounds View Post
^^^^^

This guy is genius
Because we want to include you in our lives and let you know what we're feeling and experiencing.

Guys are weird. XD
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  #18  
Old 01-09-2014, 12:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by release the hounds View Post
I don't think I'd like those groups either, but thought it would be worth a shot.

You're in a tough situation, he's in a tough situation, so nothing is going to be easy. Comforting I know. You have to realize he's in training and his time is not his time anymore. He's under stresses and things you can't know about and he probably doesn't have time to tell you about them, and even if he did, there's nothing you could do about it

And on the flip side, you have needs to. He has to realize that. He has to see that things can't just be shut out and everything moves ahead as planned. When he does have time, he has to make a conscious decision to make sure he can give you what he can.

This is going to take a lot of understanding on both sides. I don't know what he's thinking, but since you put your feelings out there I will comment on them a bit. I do think you have to find a way to find peace and confidence within yourself. I"m not a therapist, I have no idea how so i'm not much help. Maybe just concentrate on what you CAN do. You can't make him talk, you can't control how often you communicate, you can't control how others feel

But you can concentrate on yourself. Concentrate on your household, animals, job, family members, hobby. Do things that are going to enrich your lives for that time when he comes back. I'm sure those are personal for a lot of people, but I am sure everyone has things they can do as well.
And all very true.
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  #19  
Old 01-09-2014, 02:42 PM
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HayleyMarie HayleyMarie is offline
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Ha ha you guys are all funny. Try being in a relationship with an engineer. Gab, so frustrating. Sometimes I bitch about how he does not say I love you enough. And his counter response every time is "do I tell you everyday we have a car?" Me "well no" him "you should just know we have a car.

I want to strangle him on a daily basis.

You've gotten some great advice ((huggies)) it has got to be so hard being so far away from each other for long periods of time.
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  #20  
Old 01-09-2014, 02:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *blackrose View Post
Because we want to include you in our lives and let you know what we're feeling and experiencing.

Guys are weird. XD
Haha too true.

I was laughing tonight as we were talking about holidays, and I get excited and other half is a bit like meh, sure, yeah.

We then had a whole conversation about why I want him to be like YEAH COOL WHAT A GOOD IDEA!! I had to use sausages as a comparison lol

But he got my point in the end, and we had a conversation about thoughts, and he was like, I think about car parts and when should we strip the wallpaper in the front room, and should I speak to the builders and la la... And I was saying I think about holidays and trips and feelings and shiny things to escape the mundane. And the verdict was he doesn't think those things are mundane because he's a boy and feelings are boring

Like the time I was looking at the sheep and thinking about them having feelings and being scared when they're loaded on trucks.... And he was like WTF goes through your head, I think about cars and tyres and how to fix things.

Seriously....... Venus/mars. I think it works though compliment one another!!!

Not sure that helps your cause, but does highlight the different ways people think
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