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  #31  
Old 09-18-2013, 09:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post

and we don't live together haha which of course is the catalyst for a lot of fighting.
This. A lot of this. We rarely argued, fought, whatever when we didn't live together. Moving in changed a LOT of things.

And Fran, yeah. Long distance sucks but I agree that it makes you appreciate what you DO have. You don't have all the buffers that you get when you're together in person. You have to really be interested in that person and that relationship. I think it's a lot harder than a 'normal' relationship and a lot (if not most) people aren't suited for it.

I don't think our relationship being long distance had anything to do with why we argue or fight now. Just for the record.
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  #32  
Old 09-18-2013, 02:38 PM
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We argue way too much. I am way more easy going with the kids but way more involved and into keeping direct supervision. He is more strict yet wants to give them more freedom. We butt heads on our blended family a lot. I feel like he is harder on his kids than mine and I hate that. The child rearing is a never ending argument that used to have some harsh words. Now we are much more willing to see each other's side and find a middle ground so we both are happy. The kids do much better too because I am too soft and attentive so they wont do anything by themselves and he has a tendency to let them do stupid things then get mad at them after.

About other things? Also all the time. We are actively trying to stop this and the last week has been really good. But honestly? We were arguing daily then getting into full blown fights with screaming way too often
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  #33  
Old 09-18-2013, 02:41 PM
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Oh and we have a feelings journal. You can write anything in it from professing your love to bringing up issues so long as its not written in an attacking way. LOL its so nerdy but it really helps. If its open there is a new note. If its closed it hasnt been used.
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  #34  
Old 09-18-2013, 03:17 PM
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Originally Posted by milos_mommy View Post
How often do you disagree or just get irritated/annoyed with each other?
Hm, probably daily. Not seriously. We work together, our hobbies are almost all together, we travel to another state (4 hours away) and train together every weekend...we mostly disagree on REALLY nit picky training decisions. Nothing major. Nothing that sticks later. We lived together in MI, and transplanted to TN where we have no friends/family and where we work together...I figure if we made it through the last year, we're probably good to go LOL

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How often do you argue?
We bicker a lot. It amuses both of us and keeps things light.

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How often do you have a fight, as in heated words, really angry with one another, blaming, etc.?
Rarely. We've been together 2.5 years and I think we've truly argued maybe 3-4 times.

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Do you have the same issues causing disagreements, or do you usually solve it and fight about something else next time? Did anything change the frequency if fighting, such as kids, living together, time, counseling?
The first two arguments were about the same thing and the other probably a misunderstanding and then stubbornness. We're getting better and talking things out (well he is, I was already great haha)
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  #35  
Old 09-18-2013, 03:38 PM
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We have had 1 horrible argument in the time we have been together. ironically it was over my Dad azzholwness.

Other than that we may bicker now and then , but we know each other in and out and know how each other thinks and have enough respect of our partnership to consider each other before we do stuff.

I refuse to be with someone on a different wave length then me, I was the child in a argumentative/abusive family and I will NEVER put my kids through that.
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  #36  
Old 09-18-2013, 03:47 PM
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we work together and live together soooo...well you do the math

But in reality we don't fight, when we get into a real argument he does something and I end up laughing, one time we were and he yelled at me "YOU F___ING" and I yelled back "F___ING WHAT" and he yelled "SWEETHEART" well how do you fight that?

We bicker, and one of us usually ending up laughing in the end, or I storm away and we forget it happened, but we have never really had a super bad "OMG this is over" fight.

But while working together we probably bicker daily honestly.
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  #37  
Old 09-19-2013, 09:27 AM
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How often do you disagree or just get irritated/annoyed with each other?
I disagree with things constantly, mostly just to be disagreeable. I get irritated with lots of things all the time, but I rarely do anything about it. I'm just an irritable person. Lol.

How often do you argue?
Hmmm. Often? We play fight a lot but we have actual "real" arguments maybe once a month. It used to be a lot more.

How often do you have a fight, as in heated words, really angry with one another, blaming, etc.?
When we first got married? All the time. Seriously. It was awful. Now though, I think the last one we had was when Falon was wee itty bitty and it was mostly due to sleep deprivation and the resulting lack of rationality. Matt sucks at resolving those kind of fights - he shuts down and won't discuss anything which infuriates me and I usually end up yelling. It's something we've been working on fixing for ages. I hate it when fights don't get resolved and it takes me a super long time to cool down after a fight like that. I'm really glad we don't do that very often.

Do you have the same issues causing disagreements, or do you usually solve it and fight about something else next time? Did anything change the frequency of fighting, such as kids, living together, time, counseling?
We tend to have big fights over the same things (weirdly it's usually cleaning and it's usually Matt that starts it). There's always an underlying issue that is actually causing the fight and I always have to pry it out of him so we can fix it. It's super obnoxious but I think for him it's a defense mechanism. He is not so good at sharing his feelings. And he tends to bottle things up until he explodes, whereas I snark about things that are annoying me as they happen.

We fought a bit more after Falon was born but like I said, it was mostly due to sleep deprivation. When we first got married (we'd been living together for 6 months or so prior) we did go to marriage counseling. It didn't help at all and actually made things worse for awhile. I did individual counseling as well which pretty much saved our marriage, I learned a lot about communicating and how to get control of myself and my emotions.
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  #38  
Old 09-19-2013, 11:07 AM
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That is why I don't want kids ... IMHO kids ruin everything. I have heard a lot of couples, some of them separated because of fights over raising the kids or frayed nerves because of the kids.

I love my relationship & my OH too much to do that to him lol, I am anxious & not good under stress as it is.
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  #39  
Old 09-19-2013, 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Dogdragoness View Post
That is why I don't want kids ... IMHO kids ruin everything. I have heard a lot of couples, some of them separated because of fights over raising the kids or frayed nerves because of the kids.

I love my relationship & my OH too much to do that to him lol, I am anxious & not good under stress as it is.

Kids are a stress and adjustment to a relationship sure, just like new jobs, moving, certain friends, or in other words, LIFE.

It is FINE to not want kids but if a relationship can't survive and adjust to having children there is a problem with the relationships foundation. Children would be the symptom, not the cause
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  #40  
Old 09-19-2013, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Greenmagick View Post
Kids are a stress and adjustment to a relationship sure, just like new jobs, moving, certain friends, or in other words, LIFE.

It is FINE to not want kids but if a relationship can't survive and adjust to having children there is a problem with the relationships foundation. Children would be the symptom, not the cause
This 100%!
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