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  #21  
Old 09-17-2013, 09:48 PM
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For us 1!Corinthians 13: 4-7

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
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  #22  
Old 09-17-2013, 10:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yv0nne View Post
Suddenly I feel like I'm in a really destructive relationship because most of you guys don't even argue.. ever?
I don't think arguing means you're in a destructive relationship.

For me, I could not be in a relationship where we argued...I would emotionally and mentally shut down. I am a very "soft" individual, and if loud arguments were the way I was communicating with my SO...I'd be a wreck. Other people enjoy getting into arguments, and that is how they hash things out without any bitter feelings. Shoot, even Mike and I "argue" about little things just for fun. To some it might sound like we're a bickering couple, when in reality its just...normal, and we enjoy it. Lol
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  #23  
Old 09-18-2013, 04:33 AM
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Well, we don't function day-to-day arguing. Like I said, a handful of times over 8yrs. I'm just amazed there are people who have never even once ever argued with the person they are with. Absolutely amazed!
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  #24  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:12 AM
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My roommate (who, like it or not, is basically my quasi-SO) and I argue a bit, but mostly our disagreements are settled through passive-aggressive snipes, snarky comments and then a shitload of passive-aggressive silence and avoidance (usually from me, not him).

How often do you disagree or just get irritated/annoyed with each other

Probably every few days. We're both rather irritable people, every few days I tend to either get pissed or get sick of him being pissed, and avoid him until both of us are done being buttholes.

How often do you argue?

Couple times a week. I usually don't care enough about anything to really argue about it when he voices his irritation at the little stuff.


How often do you have a fight, as in heated words, really angry with one another, blaming, etc.?

We don't, really. When the snarkiness reaches my tolerance threshold, I go into avoidance mode to prevent myself from being a huge bitch and saying things I'll later have to apologize for. I'd much rather apologize for being quiet and isolating myself than have to explain myself for my words, or an outburst of emotion.

Do you have the same issues causing disagreements, or do you usually solve it and fight about something else next time? Did anything change the frequency if fighting, such as kids, living together, time, counseling?

Usually similar issues. I get pissed off about my dog a lot; he isn't a dog trainer. He gives commands and doesn't enforce them. He is inconsistent, for example sometimes he rewards her with attention when she jumps up on him, other times he gets irritated and snaps at her to get away. I know he just doesn't fully understand the importance of consistency, and mostly doesn't care because most of his interaction with her depends on his mood and whether he wants her all over him, excitable and obnoxious, or whether he wants her to be polite and mild-mannered like I encourage.

I've just stopped putting myself in the middle of it and trying to micro-manage. My dog's behavior has suffered a lot, her house manners have gone to hell, but I pick my battles and generally let the two of them sort out their own issues now. If I get too irritated watching him screw with her head, or too irritated with her behaving in a way that I consider unacceptable, I just remove myself (and sometimes her) from the situation.

He gets pissy because I'm cluttered and chaotic and leave stuff all around the house. I smile and nod and try to clean up things when he complains a lot. He hates that I leave lights on and forget to shut the sliding door all the way. I'm sure I don't clean enough to appease his neat-freak tendencies. I dunno. Overall... We get on okay, for the most part, I think mostly we clash because of the fact that we're both often irritable and prone to overreaction.
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  #25  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:22 AM
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Originally Posted by AdrianneIsabel View Post
Whenever he's wrong.
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  #26  
Old 09-18-2013, 09:02 AM
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I am a pretty soft person by nature and come from a home where my parents were at each others throats.
I think it was sparks who said it but I SHUT DOWN when faced with yelling/loud arguing. I just do.
He gets that.. and came from a happy home with parents who NEVER argued so he also likes a "cool down period" and to talk it out.

We sometimes use emails. We both can frame our words better in text and then we talk about it face to face when the dust has settled and we've both had a chance to read over what the person feels.

So honestly, we never get into loud blaring name calling arguments. He would never cross that line and neither would I. He knows I would simply break down.

- We disagree/get irritated once every few months I would guess. We are long distance.. honestly, it makes you not sweat the small stuff and not fight over stupid crap. Words are important when you don't have open communication (he is deployed currently). We get irritated at the distance and that causes bristles but we both know what it is.

- We argue almost never. Sometimes the distance is too much and I get short/irritated with him and try to start an argument but he always knows what it is and never "plays into it". We sometimes argue over our stances on gun control but that's more of a debate

Heated words/huge arguments? Never. I would shut down and he isn't the type to yell.

What caused a shift? Long distance. Being away from each other is tough, the limited communication is hard, it's stressful.

At the root of it all.. he's my best friend. Disagreements (that aren't small, like what movie to watch) are rare.
We just GET ALONG lol companion wise, I like having him AROUND, it works..it's pleasant.
and I think that helps a lot. We both have lives outside of each other, jobs, pets, hobbies, friends..which I think helps a lot as well.

and we don't live together haha which of course is the catalyst for a lot of fighting.
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  #27  
Old 09-18-2013, 09:12 AM
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Not my SO anymore, but... still kind of is.

How often do you disagree or just get irritated/annoyed with each other?

We disagree often. I get annoyed at him daily. But I think that's more to do with our current situation than disliking each other. We're just frustrated right now.

How often do you argue?

I think 'argue' is a very subjective term. We have disagreements daily and lately there have been more. I'm much more vocal. He is the type to sit back and listen to me, which angers me. So it usually becomes me just semi-yelling at him.

How often do you have a fight, as in heated words, really angry with one another, blaming, etc.?

Maybe about once a month since we broke up. (Even a few months before that.) We're both not where we want to be in our lives and it shows.

Do you have the same issues causing disagreements, or do you usually solve it and fight about something else next time? Did anything change the frequency if fighting, such as kids, living together, time, counseling?

It's pretty much the same arguments over and over again. I'm disappointed with where he is and his decisions are killing me. He doesn't like several of my interests and I think he's pretty **** boring and has no ambition.
Moving in together changed a lot. Money is an issue. We both didn't have bills before we moved in together and we had never lived on our own. I kind of regret not having my own place before, but it was either move in together or break up.
(I'm kind of counting Gwen as a 'kid'.) Gwen helps and hurts our relationship. We go about training her differently as well as giving her affection. We both love her but I'm not sure if she's brought us together as much as I thought she would.
I might consider counseling but I doubt he would be open to it. He's a listener and even when he does talk, it's very short and sweet. (More 'factual' than sweet.)

I personally think disagreements are part of a relationship. Not necessarily fights or arguing, but never disagreeing or being the least bit upset? That's just weird to me.
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  #28  
Old 09-18-2013, 09:15 AM
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Never. We've gotten into little teeny tiny disagreements, but that's about it. Both of us are so sensitive and chill and hate fighting/yelling, and we agree on just about everything anyway. We get along really, really well.
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  #29  
Old 09-18-2013, 09:19 AM
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believe it or not we don't full on fight or argue very often, we do have "snarky" fights every now & then, but more often we get irritated with one another, but it passes quickly.
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  #30  
Old 09-18-2013, 09:20 AM
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Just wondering what's normal or average.

How often do you disagree or just get irritated/annoyed with each other?

We disagree all the time, but we don't get crazy over it.

How often do you argue?
Probably about once a month.

How often do you have a fight, as in heated words, really angry with one another, blaming, etc.?
In the almost for years we've been married, twice.

Do you have the same issues causing disagreements, or do you usually solve it and fight about something else next time? Did anything change the frequency if fighting, such as kids, living together, time, counseling?
We have a rule that if it happened in the past, out stays there. We don't bring up old crap, throw he said she said in each other's faces, etc. Nothing really seems to have changed the frequency, but we also walk away until we can act like rational adults so things don't escalate. I'm not ok with fighting in front of Winnie.
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