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  #11  
Old 09-17-2013, 03:31 PM
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sparks19 sparks19 is offline
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Just wondering what's normal or average.

How often do you disagree or just get irritated/annoyed with each other?
Rarely, I mean sure there are things that are little annoyances but we don't really let it manifest into anything. We are who we are and we don't try to change each other. Most often if he gets annoyed with me it's because I am having a day where i am really down on myself and putting myself down at every turn and that bothers him and he will usually just say "what is wrong with you today that you are being so hard on yourself" and then I usually burst into tears lol and then he just holds me while i cry it out.

How often do you argue?
Almost never, if we do it's usually alcohol induced and it's more nitpicky than arguing and it's usually me that starts it lol

How often do you have a fight, as in heated words, really angry with one another, blaming, etc.?
Never. We never say mean things to each other. My last relationship was very emotionally abusive and that kind of stuff just makes me shut down. Brian knows this and if he really wanted to he could really abuse that weakness but he's a good man and doesn't ever lash out at me like that. Neither of us believes in saying hurtful things to someone you love just because you are angry.

Do you have the same issues causing disagreements, or do you usually solve it and fight about something else next time? Did anything change the frequency if fighting, such as kids, living together, time, counseling?
Can't say there is any one thing and we are pretty good at banding together when things get rough... The exception is when I have PMS an then I'm a raving lunatic but again... He's a good man and takes it in stride and knows that it's not personal... It's hormonal lol
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  #12  
Old 09-17-2013, 03:42 PM
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How often do you disagree or just get irritated/annoyed with each other?
We sometimes agree to disagree on certain subjects where we have different oppinions.

As far as being annoyed at each other...it happens occasionally. There are certain things we approach differently and sometimes that leads mild annoyance, but it never lasts long.

How often do you argue?

Very rarely. If one or both of us are upset we usually wait to talk about things more rationally when tempers have cooled.

How often do you have a fight, as in heated words, really angry with one another, blaming, etc.?

I do not think we have ever had it get to that point about anything.

Do you have the same issues causing disagreements, or do you usually solve it and fight about something else next time? Did anything change the frequency if fighting, such as kids, living together, time, counseling?

The one thing that sometimes reoccurs is the fact that I would like another dog he absolutely does not. Neither of us would ever allow this to be a serious issue however...
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  #13  
Old 09-17-2013, 04:38 PM
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How often do you disagree or just get irritated/annoyed with each other? Once in a while? I mean, when you live with someone, you're bound to get annoyed at little things as they come up. It's my choice to let it escalate or let it go though. We disagree on a lot of stuff (politics, career choices, etc) but it doesn't effect our daily lives so I don't worry about it.

How often do you argue?
Extremely rarely. We are both very rational, logical people who will talk through situations to death, coming up with a solution that we are both satisfied with.

How often do you have a fight, as in heated words, really angry with one another, blaming, etc.? Never. Never, ever, ever. Well, once, a couple years ago, he did something really stupid/dangerous/scary and I was so distraught that when I finally found him (he was lost, drunk, at 2 in the morning in DC) I was sobbing and screaming because I was so scared. Once the panic subsided (and he woke up sober the next morning) we were able to discuss it rationally.

Do you have the same issues causing disagreements, or do you usually solve it and fight about something else next time? Did anything change the frequency if fighting, such as kids, living together, time, counseling? We don't fight. We really don't. I've been in relationships full of arguments and they just aren't fun. Drama is draining to me. So much easier to just be rational and not fight.
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  #14  
Old 09-17-2013, 05:23 PM
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1. Very infrequently. The times I do get annoyed I keep my mouth shut until the immediate feeling of annoyance is over. If I can't get over it, then I talk with him about it later when I can be rational. There have only been 2 times that I can think of that I've actually just let something fly out of my mouth and then instantly regretted it. Most of the time I realize I am just overreacting and I was getting upset at something he would have had no clue beforehand that it would upset me (like letting his brother in law move my car or not telling me what he wants for dinner). I just try to remind myself not to sweat the small stuff.

2. We have never had an argument.

3. We don't ever have heated discussions or arguments. I experienced this a lot as a.kid with my parents and I try VERY hard to pick my battles and try to remember his thoughts and feelings when I do have something to say. I do not like arguments.

4. We don't argue so I don't feel this applies.
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  #15  
Old 09-17-2013, 06:43 PM
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How often do you disagree or just get irritated/annoyed with each other?
Disagree? Often. Get irritated/annoyed? Eh...less than frequent? I can think of many, many things we have disagreed about...and we always discuss it ("This is why I think XYZ, what is your reasoning for ABC?") and then from that discussion we typically either compromise or bow to the others superior logic. LOL

How often do you argue?
We've been together for two and a half years. I can think of ONE time we had an argument (can't even remember what it was about, now), and then in the middle of it, I said, "This is stupid, WTF are we arguing about?" and...that was the end of it. We've had intense discussions before, but never something that I would label as argumentative.

How often do you have a fight, as in heated words, really angry with one another, blaming, etc.?
Never. Don't get me wrong, I've been pissed at him/annoyed with him plenty of times and I'm sure he's been exasperated/frustrated by me numerous times as well...but he has never raised his voice at me, nor I him. And I honestly don't see that changing.

Do you have the same issues causing disagreements, or do you usually solve it and fight about something else next time? Did anything change the frequency if fighting, such as kids, living together, time, counseling?
We don't fight, so I can't really answer this. However, I do know that when one of us has a serious issue with something and it is brought up, it is addressed. It doesn't remain an issue.

I remember when a friend of mine was dating a guy that she thought would be her "soul mate" and "be the one she'd spend the rest of her life with". They would have a serious arguments that resulted in hurt feelings and I'm-not-talking-to-you behavior at LEAST once a week. I remember saying to Mike, "How in the heck is that a healthy relationship? She does realize that if that doesn't change, they're never going to work, right?" Sure enough...they didn't.
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  #16  
Old 09-17-2013, 08:56 PM
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Suddenly I feel like I'm in a really destructive relationship because most of you guys don't even argue.. ever?
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  #17  
Old 09-17-2013, 09:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yv0nne View Post
Suddenly I feel like I'm in a really destructive relationship because most of you guys don't even argue.. ever?
All relationships are different--you really can't compare. Are you happy?

But yeah, we don't really argue. We'll get annoyed by something the other person does, but I don't pick a fight over it. (Really, another football game to watch!??!) I don't know, we respect each other too much to waste energy fighting.

We've done a fair share of marital counseling, so maybe that makes a difference? We did the sessions before we got married (which were awesome--EVERYONE SHOULD DO THEM!) and then our small group at church did a session on strengthening marriages and we learned even more communication skills. I love marriage counseling. We've never had real issues, but it's so rewarding to keep making our relationship stronger.
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  #18  
Old 09-17-2013, 09:35 PM
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sparks19 sparks19 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yv0nne View Post
Suddenly I feel like I'm in a really destructive relationship because most of you guys don't even argue.. ever?
Are you guys happy? Different strokes
For different folks. We have friends who are at each other all the time and to me i wonder how they can stand it... But it works for them and they are happy. I am just non combative, I used to be but I was pretty much beaten into the ground emotionally and learned that it was somethig i couldn 't vompete with nor wanted. He dealt with a similar over controlling relationship and it really solidified our desires in a relationship. Not just what we wanted but what we would give to the other person.

My sister is the combative and confrontational type. Her and her husband married knowing that she is easy to wind up and that he enjoys getting her wound up and down deep she enjoys being wound up. Somehow they work together because that friction works for them

It does not work for me or for Brian and we are so similar in so many ways .. In our views, our wants, our needs, desires, etc. we have faced some really hard times but we band together and it strengthens us. I remember after a difficult immigration time and it was going to be difficult for me to return home and we were so supportive to each other long distance and my mom was like " it's so great that through all this you guys haven 't fought or blamed each other
Or anything" but that wasn 't even a thought for either of us. But that is just how we are as individuals and as a couple
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  #19  
Old 09-17-2013, 09:35 PM
stardogs stardogs is offline
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How often do you disagree or just get irritated/annoyed with each other

Disagree? Probably every few weeks. Irritated/annoyed? Probably every few days.

How often do you argue?

It used to be a LOT more frequent, but we've worked through a lot of things in the last 5 years of marriage (and 4 years together before that), so the frequency has gone down to about every couple of months I'd say. It used to be at least once/month.

How often do you have a fight, as in heated words, really angry with one another, blaming, etc.?

Once or twice a year.

Do you have the same issues causing disagreements, or do you usually solve it and fight about something else next time? Did anything change the frequency if fighting, such as kids, living together, time, counseling?

Used to be the same general reasons/issues (issues with how the other handles things, for ex), now we generally only argue about bigger things, like when we discussed how to discipline futurekid, and resolve them after said argument/discussion.

I've learned a lot about how we both argue and process info best, so we have much more constructive arguments than we did a few years ago.
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  #20  
Old 09-17-2013, 09:38 PM
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How often do you disagree or just get irritated/annoyed with each other?

Honestly, it depends on how much we see each other. We are pretty much opposite from every other couple in the world in the fact that the less we see of each other, the more bickering occurs. Normally, we find something to nitpick each other on about one a week. It's literally, "Seriously? I just picked up the kitchen. Please put your dishes in the dishwasher." or "Meg, really? Can you please get up 15 minutes earlier and get the dogs out and fed so that I don't have to do it when I get home?"

How often do you argue?

Kind of answered this above... but real arguments? Very rare. VERY rare. Most of the time, if it escalates to that level, he's done something that could have injured him.

How often do you have a fight, as in heated words, really angry with one another, blaming, etc.?

There's only ever been two instances where it got to this. They were fights. However, even in a heated fight we never call each other bad names or put displaced blame on the other person. NEVER. Never, never, never. If he flat out did something stupid (and trust me, it's happened) he will get called out on it. But we are very good about communicating and don't let things fester, which is where displaced blame comes from. Our arguments include only what we are "fighting" about, never about things that happened in the past or things that we've kept bottled up.

Do you have the same issues causing disagreements, or do you usually solve it and fight about something else next time? Did anything change the frequency if fighting, such as kids, living together, time, counseling?

Solve it and bicker about something else next time, for sure. Living together cut down on petty arguments. Maturity also helped. Kids are n/a. Time is important, but never leads to huge fights, just stupid picking. Haven't done counseling, but found that a young married couples group really helped us.

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