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  #341  
Old 08-28-2013, 11:50 PM
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meepitsmeagan meepitsmeagan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
Louis CK on hitting your kids
“I really think it’s crazy that we hit our kids. Here’s the crazy part about it; kids are the only people in the world that you’re allowed to hit. Do you realize that? They’re the most vulnerable and the most desroyed by being hit but it’s totally OK to hit them. And they’re the only ones! if you hit a dog they will put you in jail for that s**t. You can’t hit a person unless you can prove that they were trying to kill you. But a little tiny person with a head this big who trusts you implicitly:
‘F**K ‘EM, WHO GIVES A SH**! LET’S ALL HIT THEM!’
People want you to hit your kid. If your kid is making noise:
‘HIT HIM!!!! HIT ‘EM!!!! GRRRRRR’
That’s what people say -
“You dam right I hit my kids!”.
Why do you hit them?
“-cause they were doing a thing I didn’t like at the moment and so I hit them and guess what? They didn’t do it after that”.
Never again? That solved the whole problem?
Well....
Well that wouldn’t be taking the f**king easy way out would it? How about talking to them for a second you f**king retard? What are you an idiot? What are you a f**king ape?
“Well I know but it’s a pain in the ass-“
Well you f**ked a woman and a baby came out of her vagina, so you be patient!
-Louis C.K.

I think this is pretty relevant.
My muse of the day is that I totally used to be one of those "UGH JUST DISCIPLINE YOUR KID LIKE DUH MY PARENTS WOULDVE BEAT ME FOR THAT!"
which is true.

But I feel that as I get older and hang out with more kids I'm like.. seriously.. are we frikin animals like we can teach a dog to do the tango with a clicker but it's still totally OK to beat our kids to teach them to not touch skittles at the supermarket.

I don't have kids.. and I understand that there is a difference between spanking (pulling a child away from something that could hurt them or something and tapping them on the hands or bum) and actual HITTING out of frustration "STOP TOUCHING THAT RIGHT NOW LETS GO!!"

but recently I've kind of been like.. why not just talk to them? Like perhaps kids wouldn't "be cruel" or bully if they didn't learn that the way to deal with issues was with hitting and screaming.
This. I don't think that a lot of parents realize that it will drastically change your childs life, especially if it is continued through teenage years.

Also, I really want to clicker train a baby. REALLY BAD. And a toddler. Or rent a baby long enough to wait for it to be a toddler and clicker train it the whole way.

Is that weird?
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  #342  
Old 08-29-2013, 08:38 AM
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Any advise on how to sell a house and move/get a job in a different state?
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  #343  
Old 08-29-2013, 08:51 AM
stardogs stardogs is offline
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Fran and Meagan, I love you! DH and I had this convo again recently because he was amazed that I had never been hit by my parents. Never. He'd been hit so much that he has a hierarchy - apparently it's better to be hit with a spoon than a belt. o.O

When I first met him, he was very pro-spanking. Now he's of the mindset that maybe it's something you use rarely when all else has failed or with "certain kinds of kids". I mentioned that I view it like training dogs a bit (i.e. why use punitive methods with kids if I don't with a DOG who I can't even talk to and why use punitive methods if a positive motivational method will accomplish the same thing) and you could see the wheels start moving in his head. Very cool.
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  #344  
Old 08-29-2013, 09:07 AM
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Getting up at six o'clock in the morning to take godsister to high school... No. Especially dealing with high school traffic... OMG. WHY?!
I should have borrowed her before we had Winnie... But then it wouldn't have been high school. Guess I know what I'm in for now. O.o
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  #345  
Old 08-29-2013, 09:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stardogs View Post
Fran and Meagan, I love you! DH and I had this convo again recently because he was amazed that I had never been hit by my parents. Never. He'd been hit so much that he has a hierarchy - apparently it's better to be hit with a spoon than a belt. o.O
His hierarchy is correct. And while I don't feel that being spanked has impaired me long term I have no intentions of spanking my current kid or any future ones.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stardogs View Post
When I first met him, he was very pro-spanking. Now he's of the mindset that maybe it's something you use rarely when all else has failed or with "certain kinds of kids". I mentioned that I view it like training dogs a bit (i.e. why use punitive methods with kids if I don't with a DOG who I can't even talk to and why use punitive methods if a positive motivational method will accomplish the same thing) and you could see the wheels start moving in his head. Very cool.
I was pro-spanking until I got into clicker training. But really, if I can train my dogs to do ridiculous things with a clicker....why would I need to beat my kid to get them to behave? That's ridiculous. I've said it so many times but I'm SO glad I got into training before we had kids. Its been a game changer.
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  #346  
Old 08-29-2013, 12:37 PM
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Kootenay Kootenay is offline
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I was never spanked or hit or threatened at all as a kid, and I'd like to think I turned out alright. I was never even grounded. Neither were any of my sisters, so I don't think it's just that I was a particularly easy kid or anything.

Pretty happy I was raised by my parents!

My boyfriend had a very different upbringing, and he turned out pretty good too...I think kids are pretty resilient, but man I can't imagine ever spanking or hitting my kids (if I ever end up having any).
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  #347  
Old 08-29-2013, 12:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stardogs View Post
Fran and Meagan, I love you! DH and I had this convo again recently because he was amazed that I had never been hit by my parents. Never. He'd been hit so much that he has a hierarchy - apparently it's better to be hit with a spoon than a belt. o.O
Usually children that grow up in homes where spanking is the norm will have a hierarchy, myself included I would ALWAYS rather be spanked (or beaten, if you will) with a belt than a flyswatter and I would pick anything other than a switch (that I would have to go pick) in a heartbeat.
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  #348  
Old 08-29-2013, 12:55 PM
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Having had the benefit of tons of training on attachment theory in children and adults, child development and impact of trauma on attachment and relationships etc, I can honestly say I am 100% pro attachment parenting.

You can't spoil a baby. You just can't. It's impossible. If a baby cries it WANTS something. It might not be obvious what, but it does.

The best relationships I see are between those adults who communicate with their children from a young age. Who offer physical affection, and explanations to things, and who are able to demonstrate problem solving skills instead of just being a dictator. Just because I said so isnt effective parenting!

I know I will struggle to be attachment focused, I wasn't brought up in a home that followed that theory, but if I have kids I fully intend to follow attachment parenting theories
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  #349  
Old 08-29-2013, 01:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meepitsmeagan View Post
This. I don't think that a lot of parents realize that it will drastically change your childs life, especially if it is continued through teenage years.

Also, I really want to clicker train a baby. REALLY BAD. And a toddler. Or rent a baby long enough to wait for it to be a toddler and clicker train it the whole way.

Is that weird?
A friend of mine has raised her autistic neice (great neice?) since she was a toddler, using the principles of TAGteach (aka clicker training for people).

Pretty darn neat.
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  #350  
Old 08-29-2013, 01:46 PM
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Red.Apricot Red.Apricot is offline
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I was never spanked, and it blew my mind when I got old enough to start talking to my peers about how we were disciplined, and I found out basically everyone around me was hit all the time.

I can't imagine that.

I also feel like it helped instill in me the idea that doing the right thing is right because it's the right thing, not because you might get caught.
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