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  #61  
Old 05-10-2013, 09:15 PM
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I'll join the unpopular parade in saying that in my opinion, if you have a child, I think you should euthanize Bamm. Of course, that's easy for me to say, and I understand much harder for you to do! And I agree with others that you should probably consider meds and work with him and a behaviorist now, and see if that makes an improvement. Because whatever happens, you're going to want to know that you tried your best.

If he was just unfriendly to kids, I'd be more comfortable saying that it was worth seeing if he'd deal better with his own kid. The fact that he already has a bite history is what makes me hesitant. I just feel that this makes too much of a risk with a child. Kids are so hard to predict, and the chances of disaster are so high.

BTW, this is from the point of view of someone who doesn't particularly like kids, and I'm glad I don't have any. But a child's safety is still more important to me than a dog.
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  #62  
Old 05-11-2013, 02:24 AM
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I know this is a thread about bamm, but after nolus post and your response... I get knots in my stomach.

Pregnancy is a huge trigger for relationships to get controlling, or mentally or physically abusive. You're living with a man you have OPENLY talked about as being controlling and mentally quite mean. Openly.

In another thread you commented you don't post here much anymore because people have to make comments......

Please take the blinkers off and see those comments are posted because of what YOU write and because people genuinely don't want to see you hurt. Emotionally (or physically......).

Seriously.... You have to be 100% sure. I know how it feels to want a baby and have it cloud the rational part of your mind. And that is perfectly ok if you're safe.

Please be safe. Pregnancy is very very very hard for men who like being in control. Money will go. You will need to spend on large items. Your body will change and not always for the better!! You need to have a partner who can handle stress and look after you, not be worried you're changing. Pregnancy is risky with those kinds of men.

You can choose to read this as one of those comments and ignore it, but at least I've said it.
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  #63  
Old 05-11-2013, 06:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
I know this is a thread about bamm, but after nolus post and your response... I get knots in my stomach.

Pregnancy is a huge trigger for relationships to get controlling, or mentally or physically abusive. You're living with a man you have OPENLY talked about as being controlling and mentally quite mean. Openly.

In another thread you commented you don't post here much anymore because people have to make comments......

Please take the blinkers off and see those comments are posted because of what YOU write and because people genuinely don't want to see you hurt. Emotionally (or physically......).

Seriously.... You have to be 100% sure. I know how it feels to want a baby and have it cloud the rational part of your mind. And that is perfectly ok if you're safe.

Please be safe. Pregnancy is very very very hard for men who like being in control. Money will go. You will need to spend on large items. Your body will change and not always for the better!! You need to have a partner who can handle stress and look after you, not be worried you're changing. Pregnancy is risky with those kinds of men.

You can choose to read this as one of those comments and ignore it, but at least I've said it.
I really did not want this thread to become about my relationship. Sure I've been more open about it in the past. I've since stopped being open about my relationship so much on here because I'd rather discuss that stuff with either my therapist or Josh. If I get pregnant and he decides he is going to start being an ass again then I'll deal with that, but I've purposely avoided talking about my relationship for a while now because I decided I did not want to be airing that dirty laundry on a public website anymore. I responded to Nolu's post that things have gotten much better lately... Seeing a therapist has helped tremendously. Not super thrilled all of that was brought back up to begin with, but meh it happens.

This whole wanting kids thing is not something I've thought about on a whim. We've talked about it and I'm 110% sure I'm ready. It's my decision, not anyone else's on this forum. When I say I don't post here often because of comments people make it's not just comments towards me. I may not post a lot, but I sure as hell still read a lot of threads and people can be quick to judge each other if their opinion is different in the least.

While this may not have been Lizmo's intention, her post in my other thread made me feel like I was being frowned upon when I don't see anything wrong with me thinking about future dogs... Everyone on this ****ing forum posts threads about future dogs. Doesn't mean I'm running out to get another dog... hence future. It also does not mean that I'm replacing Bamm at ALL.
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  #64  
Old 05-11-2013, 06:59 AM
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Honestly? I don't disagree with Nolu, on any counts.

Bamm is not a dog that can be safely or responsibly rehomed. You would be doing the kindest thing for him and the safest thing for your family to euthanize him rather than rely on equipment (muzzles, crates, fencing) to keep him isolated from your kid.

It's a super shitty thing to say, "kill your dog"... But it is what it is, and that's my two cents. I can't sugar coat it. I'm sorry Amber, it's a really raw situation and I commend you for being realistic in your approach.

To the people who think a dog should come before a young woman's plans for her LIFE, and to the people who would bash Amber for considering her options, I'm sorry you have such a narrow viewpoint. I felt that way once, too - before real life happened to me.
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  #65  
Old 05-11-2013, 06:59 AM
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Originally Posted by skittledoo View Post
I really did not want this thread to become about my relationship.
I know you didn't, but it's you that has set the scene, and it's pretty hard to pretend you've never read all the earlier stuff you've written.

I'd rather say something than sit and watch what happens, and with the amount of views this thread has I can assure you that's what a lot of other people are doing.

I'm glad things are better. Always best to go into something fully armed with the what might happens than be going in in denial no relationship is perfect, I'm pretty suspicious of those that are

It's entirely your choice what you do, you're an adult.
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  #66  
Old 05-11-2013, 07:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
I know you didn't, but it's you that has set the scene, and it's pretty hard to pretend you've never read all the earlier stuff you've written.

I'd rather say something than sit and watch what happens, and with the amount of views this thread has I can assure you that's what a lot of other people are doing.

I'm glad things are better. Always best to go into something fully armed with the what might happens than be going in in denial no relationship is perfect, I'm pretty suspicious of those that are

It's entirely your choice what you do, you're an adult.
And I understand that. I was quick to be more open about my life in the past, but I've learned from that which is why I've gotten much more careful about what I post publicly for all to see. I just much prefer to deal with my relationship with my therapist and with Josh and not be public about it anymore.
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  #67  
Old 05-11-2013, 09:15 AM
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Originally Posted by AdrianneIsabel View Post
I'm really not sure why dogdragoness is even on this thread, she hates kids(which probably went down te lead to her dog), how could she possibly have a relatable stance and unbiased advice?
That shows how much you know about us.

Izze was picked up & DROPPED by a small child (yes she was on lead & right next to me at the time) I was in the stable office filling out some paperwork on my horses I was boarding there at the time. This lady (who was a famously bad mother) came in with two (of her SEVEN) kids & one of them ran up & picked Izze up wih her head facing the ground before I could say anything & lost her grip on her & dropped her.

Thankfully Izze wasn't hurt & at the time I didn't think anything of it but as she got older it was clear the event had been traumatizing for her, so I guess she adopted a "I'm gonna get you before you get me" train of thought & you know ACDs ... Once they get something into their head or make up their mind About something it's hard to change it lol

So I committed myself to managing her, despite her issue she became the barn mascot (as she was informally known) luckily she wasn't actively aggressive & if she could, she would avoid contact wih kids (if kids would come I the office she would either go behind the counter or lay under my chair. Of course I did run interference if I had to.
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  #68  
Old 05-11-2013, 09:27 AM
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Originally Posted by RD View Post
Honestly? I don't disagree with Nolu, on any counts.

Bamm is not a dog that can be safely or responsibly rehomed. You would be doing the kindest thing for him and the safest thing for your family to euthanize him rather than rely on equipment (muzzles, crates, fencing) to keep him isolated from your kid.

It's a super shitty thing to say, "kill your dog"... But it is what it is, and that's my two cents. I can't sugar coat it. I'm sorry Amber, it's a really raw situation and I commend you for being realistic in your approach.

To the people who think a dog should come before a young woman's plans for her LIFE, and to the people who would bash Amber for considering her options, I'm sorry you have such a narrow viewpoint. I felt that way once, too - before real life happened to me.
But this is not a deal where she had an unplanned pregnancy, this is a planned deal & I don't feel it's fair to the dog, I'm sorry. He is COUNTING on you do he his advocate, his protector, he is counting on YOU to be in his corner. So I am sorry if I don't see how the dog doesn't come first before life plans that came to rise years AFTER he has become part of the family.

I know you don't want your relationship brought into this but I think it is relevant & I will say only this: it worries me that you say "IF he starts being an ass once I'm pregnant then we'll cross that bridge when it comes" would make me me very nervous if I was in your shoes.
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  #69  
Old 05-11-2013, 09:39 AM
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You know what skittledoo? You're an intelligent, thoughtful, loving, and compassionate woman. Whatever decisions you make in your life are going to be the right decisions. Because it's YOUR life and your journey to take.

I think the only advice I would give you is to trust yourself more. I understand wanting feedback from others, but in the end, you know that your choices come from a good place inside of you, trust that, and believe in yourself.
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  #70  
Old 05-11-2013, 09:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Dogdragoness View Post
So I am sorry if I don't see how the dog doesn't come first before life plans that came to rise years AFTER he has become part of the family.
It doesn't really matter if you see it, though. Other people have different priorities. It really only matters how skittle sees it, really. It doesn't mean people don't love their dogs. Honestly I probably consider my dogs in major life decisions to would look like a crazy degree to some people.

But I never wanted kids in the first place, don't have them, and won't ever have them - so that particular decision is one that I'll never have to make. But I can still see how it is different than choosing where to live or what job to take based on how it will affect the dogs. There really is no way to compromise, and having kids isn't something you can necessarily say "oh I'll just do this later" because biology. Dogs don't come with a label that says "I might not be good with kids later" and you just have to deal with it the best you can when and if it happens.
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